A few questions for the husband/wife of the straying spouse

[LivingMyDreams]

How long were you married before your spouse had an affair? And has he/she had more than one? If so, over what period of time?

 

 

P or E is not relevant to the questions, nor are details of any of the situations. I'm just curious as to the numbers.

[dave--2007]

7 years just 1

[jj2007]

5 years just 1

[serial muse]

We were together a total of 6 years before it happened, married for 2. I know there was someone he briefly fooled around with (not a full-blown affair) before the long-term affair. They happened in pretty quick succession I think. Not sure exactly how long the affair lasted, but it was at least 6 months, possibly longer.

[silktricks]

Together 25 years, married 13. 1 affair.

[2sunny]

was married 20 years - 1st one at the 10 year mark - i forgave him. 2nd at the 20 year mark - i divorced him...

[FireandIce]

Married 9 years, together for almost 12. Had an affair at the 8 year mark. 1 affair.

[reservoirdog1]

The marriage lasted 7 years (it's over now). XW had at least two A's during the marriage and at least one during the engagement.

[LucreziaBorgia]

It technically isn't an affair I guess, but H asked for an open marriage about seven years in.

[TogetherForever]

It technically isn't an affair I guess, but H asked for an open marriage about seven years in.

 

 

It often occurs at that 7 year mark. Seven year itch maybe.

[IWALH]

Keep in mind they are only going to tell you the affairs that they know about. There are probably many more that they have been oblivious to....

[lover's rock]

5 years married (it's almost over now). 2 affairs at 4 year mark.

[bish]

How long were you married before your spouse had an affair? And has he/she had more than one? If so, over what period of time?

 

 

P or E is not relevant to the questions, nor are details of any of the situations. I'm just curious as to the numbers.

 

Well, its funny how all the people that knew your spouse was messing around come out of the woodwork to tell you about it once they realize you are getting divorced.

 

I found out my stbxW cheated during our engagement, after our first child was born, after our 2nd child was born, and during the divorce.

 

All this in an 8 year period. I'm a little pissed at the people that never told me. they didn't want to "rock the boat"...well now that there are 2 children in the middle of it all....do they really think it was better not to tell???

 

Needless to say, I'll be getting rid of a real tramp. Good riddance. Looking forward to being single.

[TogetherForever]

Well, its funny how all the people that knew your spouse was messing around come out of the woodwork to tell you about it once they realize you are getting divorced.

 

I found out my stbxW cheated during our engagement, after our first child was born, after our 2nd child was born, and during the divorce.

 

All this in an 8 year period. I'm a little pissed at the people that never told me. they didn't want to "rock the boat"...well now that there are 2 children in the middle of it all....do they really think it was better not to tell???

 

Needless to say, I'll be getting rid of a real tramp. Good riddance. Looking forward to being single.

 

 

Hence, all the nastiness in replying here.

[annabelle75]

Hence, all the nastiness in replying here.

 

my thoughts exactly.

 

bish - I am curious as to why you consider the realtionship your XW had during the divorce was cheating? I, myself entered into a relationship during my seperation and while going through the divorce. At the time I considered the marriage over, so I did not see it as cheating. My XH got mad at me once about something else and then said that by dating before the divorce was final meant I was cheating. I told him I didn't agree and he never brought it up again. Although I now regret it becasue I feel it was in poor taste and unnnessecarily hurtful, I don't think I was cheating.

 

I am genuinely curious if people really do consider dating before a divorce is final to be cheating.

[FireandIce]

my thoughts exactly.

 

bish - I am curious as to why you consider the realtionship your XW had during the divorce was cheating? I, myself entered into a relationship during my seperation and while going through the divorce. At the time I considered the marriage over, so I did not see it as cheating. My XH got mad at me once about something else and then said that by dating before the divorce was final meant I was cheating. I told him I didn't agree and he never brought it up again. Although I now regret it becasue I feel it was in poor taste and unnnessecarily hurtful, I don't think I was cheating.

 

I am genuinely curious if people really do consider dating before a divorce is final to be cheating.

 

I don't. If you are no longer together (meaning sharing the same bed or otherwise acting and living like a married couple) then no, I don't consider it cheating. Once a couple decides to seperate then they should be able to do what they want. Flaunting it in the other spouses face shouldn't be done but you shouldn't have to live like a nun or priest just because you haven't signed the divorce papers yet.

[TogetherForever]

my thoughts exactly.

 

bish - I am curious as to why you consider the realtionship your XW had during the divorce was cheating? I, myself entered into a relationship during my seperation and while going through the divorce. At the time I considered the marriage over, so I did not see it as cheating. My XH got mad at me once about something else and then said that by dating before the divorce was final meant I was cheating. I told him I didn't agree and he never brought it up again. Although I now regret it becasue I feel it was in poor taste and unnnessecarily hurtful, I don't think I was cheating.

 

I am genuinely curious if people really do consider dating before a divorce is final to be cheating.

 

Annabelle,

That last sentence you posted would make for a great new thread.

Hint, hint.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I am genuinely curious if people really do consider dating before a divorce is final to be cheating.

 

I am in a situation like that, actually. Been seeing my bf for two years now and am still legally married (living in separate residences). Now, if you were to ask a lawyer though - in my state, it is considered adultery even if the husband and wife are separated and agree to see other people. If you are not legally divorced regardless of the arrangement you may have, it is considered adultery in the legal sense, and can be used against you in a court of law in alienation of affection and criminal conversation cases.

[TogetherForever]

I am in a situation like that, actually. Been seeing my bf for two years now and am still legally married (living in separate residences). Now, if you were to ask a lawyer though - in my state, it is considered adultery even if the husband and wife are separated and agree to see other people. If you are not legally divorced regardless of the arrangement you may have, it is considered adultery in the legal sense, and can be used against you in a court of law in alienation of affection and criminal conversation cases.

 

 

 

Ok, so you are in this situation also. So am I with my s/o. His wife is also seeing someone now for a couple of years. All is well so what's the big deal here? It's NOT a big deal like most here make it out to be.

[Tomcat33]

Well, its funny how all the people that knew your spouse was messing around come out of the woodwork to tell you about it once they realize you are getting divorced.

 

I found out my stbxW cheated during our engagement, after our first child was born, after our 2nd child was born, and during the divorce.

 

All this in an 8 year period. I'm a little pissed at the people that never told me. they didn't want to "rock the boat"...well now that there are 2 children in the middle of it all....do they really think it was better not to tell???

 

Needless to say, I'll be getting rid of a real tramp. Good riddance. Looking forward to being single.

 

I knew it!!! Bish you are Salacious Crumb!! I could just tell by your style in posting and now this seals the deal....

 

glad to see you have made a decision to stop the agony! Good for you.

[TogetherForever]

I knew it!!! Bish you are Salacious Crumb!! I could just tell by your style in posting and now this seals the deal....

 

glad to see you have made a decision to stop the agony! Good for you.

 

 

For real? It's Salicious?

Good for you SC!!!

TF

[bish]

Hence, all the nastiness in replying here.

 

Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't know I was suppose to be filled with joy of having a cheating spouse and be joyful to those that are just like her.

[bish]

my thoughts exactly.

 

bish - I am curious as to why you consider the realtionship your XW had during the divorce was cheating?

 

because the vows are still valid. I'd have thought she would have the decency to wait till the dissolution, but as I should have known...she is not a decent person

 

I, myself entered into a relationship during my seperation and while going through the divorce. At the time I considered the marriage over, so I did not see it as cheating.

 

Whatever makes you feel better about it.

[bish]

I knew it!!! Bish you are Salacious Crumb!! I could just tell by your style in posting and now this seals the deal....

 

glad to see you have made a decision to stop the agony! Good for you.

 

Yup...I be salicious. and yes, I kicked the tramp out

[silktricks]

Like everything else in life, it depends.....

 

For me, I started dating as soon as my (1st) husband and I decided we would divorce, as did he...

 

As long as both parties are completely sure that there is zero chance of reconciliation, I guess I really don't understand why you wouldn't start to live your own life, including dating. I do think, though, that the person who is dating a "freshly divorced, or on the way to divorce person" is often in for a world of hurt.