Keeping secrets

[julia pearson]

I'll try to make a long story short. I grew up with an alcoholic father. I was the oldest kid so I was the one expected to keep his "secret". I've long since passed this and blow the whistle on him all the time. Its helped him. He still struggles with his addiction but he's improving.

 

My brothers were sexually abused by a neighbour (an older youth) and their lives are a train wreck as a result. Another "secret". I was too young to figure it out but had a feeling the kid was weird. Something was just not right! Again, true to form, my parents kept their own suspicion hidden. It just wasn't brought out into the open in those days.

 

Flash forward to the future. My parents are financially well off. My husband and I have worked hard and are self-made as far as finances are concerned. My oldest daughter just landed a scholarship for education overseas! This is wonderful! She had a conversation with her grandfather just last night where he stated "if you are ever need help financially while you're at school give me a call...but just don't tell your grandmother!" What kind of a position is this to put your grand-daughter in? Fortunately my daughter is level headed enough to just laugh it off as another of her grandpa's "quirks".

 

It bugs me...it bugs me alot!

[quankanne]

sounds like your child has a good head on her shoulders ... and a good heart to not take advantage of her granddaddy's offer to help. That said, encourage her to talk to BOTH of them if she ever gets to that point where she feels she needs to take him up on the offer. It might bug them, but it'll also show them that she's mature and approaching them in a proper way, not playing one against the other. Hopefully, she'll not ever feel that need!

 

meanwhile, tell your dad, that while you appreciate his generous offer, you have raised your child to be respectful of them ... that she knows not to try to cause a bad situation by keeping secrets. Maybe he'll get the picture?