FEEDTHEID Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 (to skip all the background go down to >>>>OK...) Here's the obligatory opener "Involved in a great relationship...but..." Been with a woman for 5 months, living together, I have opened up to her more than anyone I have known. We all bring with us our own issues to relationships, I have a pretty bad past which has caused a lot of problems. She is the first person that I have felt comfortable talking to, and the first person I have loved in 7 years (what's sad is I've been divorced for a year or so and was married for eight). Out of the marraige I got my son and my GF has two children also. Most of the week the kids are all over us. To make matters worse her son (age 11), as horrible as it sounds, I cannot stand the kid. To give you an idea I went to a friends house and had them with me and he dcides to carve in my friend's door with a knife. He has no boundaries and acts VERY innappropriate towards ANY female mother, sister, classmates. The reason the kids are important to mention is they hang on her like glue, driving her crazy but she goes with it. The other night we were talking and she said she needs space to unwind at night. I'm cool with that and I understand so I plan on doing my own thing for a while while she unwinds. But at my job I get 0 interaction, when I am with the kids they do their own thing (which is how it should be). I feel like I go from isolation to isolation all day. >>>>OK all that back ground for this... I like to go out with my friends for a few hrs per week. Usually 5-6 hrs on one day when her kids are at home and mine is with the X. She has issues with me going out with friends, stemming from when she would go out with her friends and cheat on her SO. Since then she does not go out unless she is with her me (or other SO before we met) because she was bothered by what had happened so she removes any chance of it happening again. She says she has never needed friends, and only likes to have male friends which always understandably causes problems. But I do need my time with friends I don't get much human interaction and her kids are hanging all over her and all I have to look forward to is when they go to bed. So I hang out with friends. This bothers her and puts her in a funk ruining some of the little time I have alone with her. I can't talk to my friends because they don't like her, have talked to her and she tries not to be upset but obviously is. I have told her she needs her time to unwind and I need my time out. I guess I am too needy, I need stimulation and friends, but end up sacrificing time with her. Considering I am with her the entire rest of the week do I continue to make myself miserable for two or three days. Or do I see my friends even less than I do now to make the relationship better. How can I get her to understand how I feel and how I need this time with my friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 I wouldnt put too much stock in your girl. She doesnt seem trustworthy based on the info you have provided. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 How about, meeting new friends that like both of you for two of those three days a week, so you two can go out together, if that will not work. Just try making it known to her she is invited to every function you attend, even if she only wants to stop by for the last hour or so?? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 lost, you should read his earlier posts. It sounds like he is dating a nutjob. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I guess I am not understanding the nutjob part, what I am reading is that He wants time alone with her, and they can't because they have the kids, he wants to go out with friends but she would rather stay home, and gets upset that he doesn't want to do the same. What I am getting is he wants to go hand out with his buddies, she is in-secure and things are only worse because his friends don't like her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 How about, meeting new friends that like both of you for two of those three days a week, so you two can go out together, if that will not work. Just try making it known to her she is invited to every function you attend, even if she only wants to stop by for the last hour or so?? Yeah but that won't fix the problem of her not wanting him to spend time with his old friends. He shouldn't have to give up seeing his friends because of her. She is the one with the problem not him. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 She has issues with me going out with friends, stemming from when she would go out with her friends and cheat on her SO. Sounds like a real keeper....phfffft. I can't talk to my friends because they don't like her understandably so...no offense, but I wouldn't be too fond of a gf or wife of a good buddy of mine if she is a known cheater. How can I get her to understand how I feel and how I need this time with my friends? Well I don't know how you'd convince her that just because she cheated on her ex while going out with friends, doesn't mean you are going to. Its tough to convince someone that without saying "I am not like you". And I know thats not how you'd put if or probably even feel. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 Move out. Get a place of your own. You'll have time and space and no one wondering why you are out with your friends. Why in the world do you live with her when you've only been together 5 months? You shouldn't have moved in with her when you barely knew her. Now you're getting to know her, and frankly, she's not the kind of woman you can be with...surprise! She's making demands on you that are unreasonable anyway, but certainly after 5 months she can't expect you to stop seeing friends you've known forever. Move out, and if you must still date her, at least get to know her for a lot longer before melding your life together like that, and before giving up your friends for her. Link to post Share on other sites
jazzman1963 Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I've rarely heard of a situation where a woman is complaining that her (healthy, I assume) boyfriend has to be dragged into bed. I'm 44 and given no holds barred (pun intended) would be "active" if someone were d/d free and willing...3X a week. Is he holding out because he is...conflicted? Compare him to other guys you know or have known. If he cannot take you into his arms and make you tingle, better find out if he's hiding something Link to post Share on other sites
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