Working on my marriage

[BlairBear]

I've been married for almost 14 years and I Love my wife with all my heart, never a problem telling her so but have run into snags that seem to cause some real frustration (no not the affair type) and I'm hoping some of you can help me out. My wife has really tuned into her job to the point where she is working 6-7 days a week, long hours. comes home, spends 20-30 minutes with me, some internet time (which is how I found this site) bed and she is tired, I mean pooped out but tossing/talking in her sleep...she has worked long hours in past jobs but for some reason this one stands unique and I can't place my finger on it...it's been 2 years ago since she finished college & graduated with honors I kept the place running while she did both work/school and she always thanked me for that...she put in long hours both at home and at school...it seems we spent more time together and were closer then than now. Her long hours caused some serious friction a few weeks ago where I had to ask if something was going on...no thank god but some things I am nervous of...cell phone...its turned off as soon as she gets home and turned on when she gets in her car to leave for work or if I'm gone she uses the cell exclusively for calling...this really makes me nervous, we get the simplified billing so no details, as you know on your threads cell phones make extramarital or just platonic relationships easy and if she has a platonic "bud" let me know...and being scared I looked at her phone and broke down crying becasue I fealt I betrayed her trust and told her so (cried like a baby..sorry guys)...I didn't find anything out of the oridinary on the phone...I was hoping for trust issues she would go through the list of calls..you know..this is Bob from work etc...you have nothing to worry about, the reassurance would have gone a long way. In addition to all this my mother-in-law (mil) is extremely ill so I know that work, mil and me are on my wifes mind...we've been to counselling...I'm still going and this has shown improvement in dealing with the our issues and I feel we are closer, she is coming home earlier 7-8 pm bringing some work home which is ok, I just want to be near her and this last weekend she spent with me ...it was great. I should say that I was married previously and some of those nasty reminders come to haunt me (found that out in counselling)from time to time...but I'm hung up on some things...the cell phone...just last nite I was on this & similar sites came accross her threads and found she has an email account on hotmail...don't know if its active, too scared to find out...I'm trying my best to be the supportive and understanding husband but I am worried too and just looking for some imput as I deal with these issues.

[quankanne]

I'm wondering if she's not burying her stress in her job, which sounds stressful enought to start with? The thing with her cutting the phone off the minute she gets home until she heads out the next day seems that she's ensuring that she does NOT get bothered by anyone while she's in her home, her sanctuary.

 

we've been to counselling...I'm still going and this has shown improvement in dealing with the our issues and I feel we are closer, she is coming home earlier 7-8 pm bringing some work home which is ok, I just want to be near her and this last weekend she spent with me ...it was great.

 

sounds like she's trying to be sensitive to your needs, even if it means that sometimes she's got to drag home work ... from what you said about your previous marriage, I think that maybe you're working yourself into a frenzy about thinking that your wife is doing whatever it was that your ex did ... and that your wife is now paying for ex's bad behavior.

 

it's one thing to be concerned about how an ill MiL, your wife's long work hours and your worry impact your marriage, but you really don't need to go borrowing trouble, i.e., quit assuming that this wife is behaving like the last one. Because unless you've got concrete examples or proof, you have no case.

 

you mentionedcounselling – are you seeing someone on your own, as well?

[BlairBear]

Thank you for your response…I needed that bluntness of reality. I’m in sales and work in my own office so sometimes the mind runs rampant and overanalyzes everything. Not having someone to bounce ideas off of …that’s why I thought this sight would help.[COLOR=black] I am still going to counselling and have a meeting this afternoon...I find it helpful and that she pulls things out of me like insecurities and strengths. Right now our lives seem so hectic and I really make an effort to diffuse most of my insecurities but damned something peculiar doesn’t strike. I find it hard to juggle everything right now and am trying to be a comfort to my wife as I fear we're only looking at 6-8 months for her mum.[/COLOR]

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