mixed signals from friend with benefits?

[selinakyle]

i've been seeing a guy for about 1 month, i'm 90% sure he's a "player",lol. i've kicked plenty to the curb, but there's something about this one that is different, he seems a bit more sensitive and tries to hide it, i know he has a soul..he's leaving in a couple months for college(ambitious), so we agreed to be friends with benefits, but i never got a specific definition. he's been honest, he's seeing other girls, he likes to party. it's just casual, b/c he's LEAVING. i'm trying to accept it as it is & enjoy it, b/c i actually do like him. I'm trying to date and keep my options open so i don't obsess, but i really like him the MOST..but he gives a lot of mixed signals..makes vague plans and disses me, doesn't call when he says he will, typical player in that way. but when we do hang out, he's all cuddly and affectionate, compliments me, we'll spend 2 days STRAIGHT together and i don't get the brush off (where other players say i 've got stuff to do)..he seems happy to spend that time with me.. and he does some sincere things, like ask about what i want for my future, we discuss goals, etc. He came on super strong, but now barely makes any sexual advances, it's all cuddling. i don't understand this, but there may be some "getting up it issues". he brushes my hair back and kisses me on the forehead and gives me hugs. has he lost interest in my benefits or is he MAYBE??? worried he's developing feelings since he's leaving soon??? forehead kisses seems to mean they respect & care for you and/ OR they aren't interested.

before he wouldn't call me on a sat. nt. MIA for the wkend-out partying, but we spent last sat and sunday together & he told me he stopped seeing a couple girls. So am i moving up on this players' batting list or what?

i'd love some guys advice!!

[Hazy]

He has to initiate any talk like that. Personally I wouldn't be always readily available to spend time with him. You'll be more interesting to him that way.

Also, if a guy asks you to be friends with benefits, that is very disrespectful, IMO.

[roxy_1980]

Sounds like the standard friends with benefits relationship to me. One person wants more, the other is ambivalent.

 

Unfortunately, mixed signals are the name of the game in FWB relationship. With no commitments, people don't tend to feel bad about breaking plans, etc., but when they feel like it are lovey and such.

 

You obviously entered the FWB domain cause you figured better than nothing, right? But now it's bothering you cause you want something more. FWB is only good for the ambivalent ones and hun, that ain't you.

 

You got two options: ask for more or walk away.

[love necessity]

I have to be totally honest here, I am disgusted, and it's no wonder why most people cannot use public restrooms.

 

 

Have you thought about the consequences about sleeping with a man who has an unnumbered amount of sexual relationships with different women? I must say sweetie--you are truly asking for a disease. Don't pull the condom trick on me, you might be using them, but you can still get STD's via oral sex, other bodily fluids, and skin to skin contact.

 

It's obvious you have no real education on the types of disease you can contract from sleeping with too many partners because you are at HIGH RISK*.

 

My advice to you young lady, would be to stop seeing this "player" or shall I call him "walking disease", and take a break from all sexual relationships.

 

Take these steps to a healthy lifestyle:

 

1.Go get yourself examined for STDs.

 

2. Go about meeting a guy in the right way--without sex on the first date.

 

3. When sex is an option in a relationship--make sure you know they are not infected, by recommending they get tested--and having the doctor read you the results.

 

4. Once you know whether or not it is safe to proceed, have at it!!

 

Hope this helped. I am sure you're smart, that you probably already know about the risks you take when you sleep with multiple people, either directly or indirectly (sex partner with many partners), however some of us do need to reminded once in a while--we are only human.

 

I know I probably sound uptight and extremely cautious, but our body is our temple, and you better believe I am going to cherish mine while I'm living in it.

 

Have a good one! Hope this didn't startle you too much!

[selinakyle]

thanks roxy, that's what i thought...usually i walk away, but he's seems different. ( i guess it's just wishful thinking & i have such a good time with him) as for love necessity, maybe you should chill on the advice/judging. i've been CELIBATE for the past 6 months and know very well what safe & protected sex is. maybe you should reread my post. i was asking about the extent of someone in a FWB relationship giving a lot of mixed signals. i'm not used to someone being SO incredibly affectionate, but i guess this is just how he is. i'm realistic, and i recognize that i entered into this open/casual relationship voluntarily. if he wasn't leaving for school and wanted a FWB i would have laughed in his face. we have a lot in common and i was hoping it would be more of dating rather than the "i really don't care about you" = FWB.

[roxy_1980]

Yeah, unfortunately, when we're REALLY interested in someone, we tend to overlook things to try and get at the good parts. Unfortunately, players take advantage of this and the guys that are really good at "the game" are the ones who are SO affectionate. Problem is he's like that with you and all the other girls that he's with at the time.

 

Truth of the matter is, if you were important enough to him the words "But I'm moving in the fall so we should keep things casual" would have never had crossed his lips.