bisweetie Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Hi ppl...I am a 30 yr old bifemale,currently in an open marriage.We started this becuz he is a trucker,and away alot.We've done MFF threesomes,and it was cool. I have found a partner to be with exclusively outside the marriage,but so far hubby has not.This caused a bit of tension,but we have worked it out.The problem is hubby is very shy,when we had threesomes I always brought the girl into it,not him.How do I encourage him to seek out women? I am very open sexually,and very secure in our relationship.We trust each other implicitly.But I can't seem to get it though to him that HE has to go find a woman,I can't do it for him. If anyone has an open marriage,or advice,please get back to me,I'd really appreciate it! Thanks~BI Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Your husband's problems have nothing to do with his inability to find a nice lady, although truckers are out of town a lot and that may complicate matters somewhat. My sense of this is that he's not nearly as passionate about this sexual arrangement as you are. If you have a real good talk with him, you may find out that he's trying to figure out exactly why he should continue to be married. If he's going to be on the road a lot knowing his wife is at home with another man full time, that would suck for most men...who are human. I know your bi so even if you're at home making wuppy with a woman, that would still cause most men a lot of head problems...pardon the pun. I think your marriage is in major trouble. The only problem is that your husband got sucked into this open marriage thing and he's confused and wanting to get out. He feels helpless because he can't be around to satisfy you all the time because he works away. That's an awful feeling. I may be way out field on this one...and, for the sake of your mental health you may want to think I'm way wrong on this one too. That's your right. But I think you've backed your husband into a corner he's not liking at all. No wife of mine would ever, until the end of the world, have a steady sex partner (male or female) on the side while I was out of town trying to make a living to feed her butt. I'd be mad as hell at the idea...and I'd bet big bucks your husband is and just hasn't expressed his feelings....because he probably can't believe it is actually happening. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 An open marriage means that your one and only Exclusive partner is your spouse, and the open part is strictly for multiple sex partners for the purpose of sex only. If you have decided that you have or want an exclusive partner other than your husband, it tells me that there are feelings or some type of attachment more than strictly sexual. It's not up to you to tell your husband how to feel or what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Incubus Posted April 12, 2003 Share Posted April 12, 2003 First...an open marriage is NOT having multiple sex partners for the purpose of sex only as HokeyReligions says...that's swinging. Different world, different focus. My wife and I have an open marriage much like the one you note. She's horribly attractive, sexy, and outgoing, and she has zero problems connecting with guys. Her main goal is to have a regular partner with whom she can date and have sex with and feel the intense infatuation one gets with a new lover. This is 100% cool with me. I love how it makes her happy and it is exciting for me to imagine the things she does with other guys. Its just one of my kinks... As for me, I'm reasonably attractive, but before marriage was typically a loner. I don't find chatting-up females fun, and instead find it rather a major stressor. While I'd love to find a partner along the same lines as my wife, it just isn't something that I find fun to do. I'd rather just sit back and let life happen - maybe someday I'll fall into a relationship...maybe not. But DO talk with him. You should be very cognizant of each other's motives to be doing the open-marriage thing. If you're not sure why he's behaving the way he is, then there's a lack of communication that needs to be taken care of. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JenCrafty Posted June 9, 2003 Share Posted June 9, 2003 Hi bisweetie! My husband and I have been together in an open marriage for 12 years. In general I think women have an easier time finding partners, and we also have a situation where I am more outgoing and he is more shy. My first suggestion is to use the personal ads. If there is anything he would particularly like to try, or has to offer (hot bod, kinks, great oral, whatever) that would be a good starting point. This way he can find women who are already poly/open relationship friendly. Also, do check in often about your other partner. I think it is scarier when someone is around and you are away. Make sure he gets nice warm welcomes home. ;-) I do think there are benefits to an open marriage even when one or the other of you is not participating in an outside relationship. Right now I have a couple of partners, and my husband doesn't. I know he appreciates that he can admire and have crushes on women, and keep the option open, without my getting insecure. He's also glad not to be responsible for meeting ALL of my sexual and relationship needs. He's an artist, and during especially creative periods he is less focused on me. I think we're both happy that I have other friendships and sexual partners. Good luck to both of you enjoying your options! Crafty Link to post Share on other sites
RogueK Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 I guess it's just a world i don't know but i can't see how some of you consider this "Marriage". Link to post Share on other sites
Incubus Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 The point is that while WE can see how this works for us, there is no reason for it to work for you! You're still OK for preferring a traditional marriage. It never ceases to amaze me that people can accept differences in taste (I like pepperoni pizza while you may like mushroom, I hate French impressionism while you may love it) but they can't accept differences in lifestyle. Its just a case of different people liking different things. And, to make matters more fun, what I consider an open marriage may be completely different for another couple who says they have an open marriage. Different strokes...that's what makes the world fun. People in open marriages are normal people. I might be your next door neighbor (I DO have next door neighbors, y'know!). We just have different tastes. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzy Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 A bit confused. Why does your hubby need to find someone? If he's shy and would rather just be with you what's wrong with that. You should be grateful that he's okay with you having other partners. Why even get married if you don't want to stay faithful to the whole institution of marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
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