How can you be sure if you were him?

[cbl]

OK I am far from getting married. We've only known each other for less than 3 months through a dating site. We are more than 6000 kilometers away from each other. We came from different cultural background.

 

Here's the thing. We talked on the phone every day for hours before we met in person for the first time, one month after we met online. We had a great time. Great chemistry. Everything went so well. Two weeks later we met again during his business trip to my country. And then another two weeks later we both took one week off (planned since back in May) from work so we can spend time together. During this trip he told me that whenever I am ready, we will get married. But that was not what he said when we started talking on the phone. He said marriage is just a piece of paper; as long as two people are happy with each other then getting married or not is not an issue. He also commented that some women just want to get married, seeing how much money there is in the bank account (or something to that effect)

 

I am in no hurry to get married even though biological clock is ticking. I am now 35 and having kids is not in my plan. I've never asked about getting married (and honestly quite contrary I was not able to show my commitment due to the distance) He's in his early 50s and plan to get retired in a few years.

 

So my question is, if you were him, how can you be so sure in such a short time?

[curiousnycgirl]

I don't think he can be so sure. I think it is a ploy some men use to make women feel secure - they think it is what we want to hear and say it even though they don't mean it. After all they can always take it back!

 

Nor do I believe people who claim to be "in love" too quickly - I think they are mistaking infatuation with love. In my opinion these things take time.

 

If you like the guy - go with the flow and keep seeing him, but recognize that when he says these things, he may think he means it, but it's probably not yet truly sincere.

 

Just my two cents.

[Hazy]

I would not rush to marry this guy if you don't want kids. In a couple years, the older man attraction may be over for you. (I can't imagine being attracted to a guy that age, I am 39 and would not date anyone past age 45, I am just not attracted to older, I will be when I reach that age though, sorry to offend any guys out there but it's just my 'preference'.)

[cbl]

I don't think he can be so sure. I think it is a ploy some men use to make women feel secure - they think it is what we want to hear and say it even though they don't mean it. After all they can always take it back!

 

Nor do I believe people who claim to be "in love" too quickly - I think they are mistaking infatuation with love. In my opinion these things take time.

 

If you like the guy - go with the flow and keep seeing him, but recognize that when he says these things, he may think he means it, but it's probably not yet truly sincere.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Thanks for taking your time to reply.

 

That's my biggest worry too. But the fact that he's so sweet, still calling me 3 times a day, sending me flowers and gifts to my office after he went back to his country... makes me feel like a queen in his life. My guess is that one of the reasons behind him saying those words so quick is because we are so far away from each other and he's afraid that I don't want to commit and make plans with him without those words.

 

I do like him a lot. We are making plans to meet each other's parents and family. I've spoken to one of his very close family members and they've invited me over for Christmas.

 

I will be patient though, for the time being, and see how things go from there.

[cbl]

I would not rush to marry this guy if you don't want kids. In a couple years, the older man attraction may be over for you. (I can't imagine being attracted to a guy that age, I am 39 and would not date anyone past age 45, I am just not attracted to older, I will be when I reach that age though, sorry to offend any guys out there but it's just my 'preference'.)

 

Very good point on the kids part. Thank you.

 

I have always had preference in dating older men. Actually I had two very long relationship with men a lot older than me. Our only concern is that chances are he'll leave the world a lot earlier than I do and being the emotionally weaker one between the two, I don't think I can handle it when the time comes.