East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Yeah I guess my jealousy issue also stems from fear of abandonment! I love my man very much and the times I feel jealous/possesive is when I feel I could loose him. It's horrible to say but I kinda blame my dad cause my mom was a good wife and mother but he still cheated on her! It all happened when I was a teenager, I'm 26 now but sometimes fear the same could happen to me! Men seem very hard to please! Well, you are way ahead of me on this. You just described my life but I only figured out a few years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 LOL. I'm a Scorpio. I'm quite often jealous to where it's painful, but I'm also secretive. I've learned to hide it. As a fellow Scorpio, I perfected a strong front early. You will rarely see me sweat about anything. Not even when I'm jealous. And other coping strategies. When a long-term boyfriend turned his back on me at a bar to talk to a flirty woman to his other side, he found me on the dance floor. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 I notice lots of people on here bashing the "insecure jealous people"! So my question is for all you confident unjealous people: Instead of bashing these people for their insecurities why don't you share your secrets to being so self confident? I wonder how anyone in a relationship could never have a jealous moment, especially in this day and age where theres opportunity to cheat everywhere! Anyway I think even the people who say they don't get jealous actually do but don't want to show weakness, that or they don't care about the person they're with enough to fear loosing them. If you love and trust the person then why would you need to be jealous? If the person cheats on you then can you really beleive they are worth being with? Even if you claim to 'love' them. Why would you want to put yourself through the nasty feeling of jealousy and worrying yourself sick in case they cheat on you? Of course everyone gets jealous or has been jealous in their life, its a feeling we all experience. Just beacuse you don't get jealous does not mean you do not care about them. There is more to life than to be dwelling on your lover going off with someone else or cheating on you. They are a person, they have the right to choose what they do with their life. Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 If you love and trust the person then why would you need to be jealous? If the person cheats on you then can you really beleive they are worth being with? Even if you claim to 'love' them. Why would you want to put yourself through the nasty feeling of jealousy and worrying yourself sick in case they cheat on you? Of course everyone gets jealous or has been jealous in their life, its a feeling we all experience. Just beacuse you don't get jealous does not mean you do not care about them. There is more to life than to be dwelling on your lover going off with someone else or cheating on you. They are a person, they have the right to choose what they do with their life. Sometimes a spade is a spade. Sometimes, jealousy is an instict. Sometimes it is your instict telling you that something hinky is up with your partner. Expressing a "jealousy" almost always garners derision from others. It's a weakness in the relationship. I already shared about that friend of mine who thought I was silly for wondering if she ever got "jealous" of her husband's antics with women. She scoffed at the idea and said a lot of what I read here generally on the subject ... that is a waste of time and silly and an insecurity (doh!) Ah yeah... as silly as the child her husband's mistress she is now financially and emotionally forced to help raise. And my story is no different. Only I have a lot of street smarts and a long history of trauma and trust issues. The jealousy was a misnomer. It was a gut instict. And it was right. Link to post Share on other sites
axisdenied Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 Confidence comes from within. If you are truly content with yourself, it won't matter to you what somebody else is doing with anybody else. I think that truly confident people are acutely aware of the fact that their own lives are 100% about themselves and they are comfortable with that. You may choose to share it creatively with another, but the actions of another person do not determine who you are or where you will ultimately end up. When people interact with one another, it is (or SHOULD) be about the creativity between those who are participating in the interaction. Attempting to make somebody jealous and/or being jealous yourself is completely lame. It also speaks miles of your own levels of self-love and personal satisfaction; rather, the lack thereof. The only key to confidence is taking care of yourself in all aspects of your private existence. If there is something about your own self that makes you feel completely insecure or inadequate, the only reasonable response is to do something about it. Once you are content with yourself, you'll find that all of your neuroticisms on the subject of others fall away. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 *drags out the 400 gallon pot* *fills with water* *starts raising bunnies* *waits for the right man to value* Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 *drags out the 400 gallon pot* *fills with water* *starts raising bunnies* *waits for the right man to value* You know? There is a full moon rising. I got my mo jo working (see avie). Self confidence is a wonderful thing especially when embraced and reciprocated in a romantic relationship with another. By definition this takes 2 (just 2), two people creating a healthy ...balance. You cannot be an island and be in a romantic relationship (a mutually valued one at least) with another. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 You know? There is a full moon rising. I got my mo jo working (see avie). Self confidence is a wonderful thing especially when embraced and reciprocated in a romantic relationship with another. By definition this takes 2 (just 2), two people creating a healthy ...balance. You cannot be an island and be in a romantic relationship (a mutually valued one at least) with another. I dunno about that. My ex did pretty well loving himself, being self-confident and never jealous in his own little romantic relationship with himself. I guess that's what happens when you keep blowing kisses to yourself in the mirror. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I dunno about that. My ex did pretty well loving himself, being self-confident and never jealous in his own little romantic relationship with himself. I guess that's what happens when you keep blowing kisses to yourself in the mirror. Thats where the qualifier "mutually valued" comes in. Don't let what you experienced turn you into what hurt you. I stuggle with this, and why I am here on some levels. I also see others posts prove or sometimes disprove the trend for this and I find that ...interesting. You become very deft in the ways, yet disgusted by it all. It's not healthy, yet it is a knowing that cannot be unknown. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 Thats where the qualifier "mutually valued" comes in. Don't let what you experienced turn you into what hurt you. I stuggle with this, and why I am here on some levels. I also see others posts prove or sometimes disprove the trend for this and I find that ...interesting. You become very deft in the ways, yet disgusted by it all. It's not healthy, yet it is a knowing that cannot be unknown. No doubt there is a requirement for mutual valuation within a healthy relationship. As for getting into any relationship for the moment, no thanks...well...except for getting into my new neighbor. I can guarantee you'd want a piece of him too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Capricorn Posted July 30, 2007 Author Share Posted July 30, 2007 Sometimes a spade is a spade. Sometimes, jealousy is an instict. Sometimes it is your instict telling you that something hinky is up with your partner. Expressing a "jealousy" almost always garners derision from others. It's a weakness in the relationship. I already shared about that friend of mine who thought I was silly for wondering if she ever got "jealous" of her husband's antics with women. She scoffed at the idea and said a lot of what I read here generally on the subject ... that is a waste of time and silly and an insecurity (doh!) Ah yeah... as silly as the child her husband's mistress she is now financially and emotionally forced to help raise. And my story is no different. Only I have a lot of street smarts and a long history of trauma and trust issues. The jealousy was a misnomer. It was a gut instict. And it was right. I'm glad you pointed this out, the older I get the more I've learned to trust my gut feelings!!! When I was younger I ignored them and got majorly screwed over! My problem now is I'll get a strong feeling but I have a hard time knowing whether it's a feeling I should follow or just me over reacting. Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I'm glad you pointed this out, the older I get the more I've learned to trust my gut feelings!!! When I was younger I ignored them and got majorly screwed over! My problem now is I'll get a strong feeling but I have a hard time knowing whether it's a feeling I should follow or just me over reacting. I have the same issue but once again, I've been right. I've always been super intuitive and have a very strong logical mind. But years of someone telling you that right is left and left is right makes you question everything about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
EDDO Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 Hello All, I have heard over and over again that if your SO is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. Yes that is true but doesnt jelousy come in to factor that if your SO cheats, what if you never find out and they are cheating while being with you? You then feel like the fool for not knowing and this could go on forever? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Capricorn Posted July 31, 2007 Author Share Posted July 31, 2007 I have the same issue but once again, I've been right. I've always been super intuitive and have a very strong logical mind. But years of someone telling you that right is left and left is right makes you question everything about yourself. Yeah many times I've felt something wasn't quite right but people will say Oh it's just in your head! Being intuitive is a blessing and a curse. They say ignorance is bliss and the smarter you are the sadder you are. I guess I'd rather know whats going on even though the truth can be more painfull. I think your onto something though, maybe jealousy isn't always a bad emotion but good to have at times cause it could actually a warning! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts