buu Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Where to begin? Well 1st with my past. Years before I met my wife, I use to be a photographer for an adult website. I quit the Biz since and my only association with it was the webmaster that I chat online with every now and then. Recently, I started getting into video and multimedia development and started using a video camera (non adult content) to help me with my projects. Last night my wife told me that she don’t trust me with a video camera that we purchased a few months ago. It was used about 6-7 times since we purchased it. It took a while but finally she told me that she hid the camera (put it away in her words) so that I wont have access to it. She also doesn’t want me to use my digital camera that I keep in the car. My response to this was that we get rid of the Video camera and the digital camera. Her reply to that was no and that it is her video camera and that she can do what she wants with it. To be honest I’m hurt not because she hides things from me, (like Im a 6 yr old on punishment and had his toys taken from him) Im more so hurt that she don’t trust me and don’t plan on doing anything to change it. I wanna talk to her about it but don’t want this to turn into a big argument. How do you think I should Handel this? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Since the video cam is hers, she has the right to keep it away from you, but the digital cam is yours? Either way, to get rid of them seems a bit silly...the only way to earn trust back is by proving that you can be trusted. If you were no longer using these devices for adult content, what's the problem? What exactly is it that she doesn't trust about you? Making porn? Link to post Share on other sites
Author buu Posted July 26, 2007 Author Share Posted July 26, 2007 Honestly I thought the camera was OURS when WE went out and purchased it TOGETHER. Me proving myself to her is the issue. She does not want me to try and prove I can be trusted. she just don't trust me. I don't make porn or film anyone in any way that would suggest porn so I really don't know what the problem is. She wont tell me and blow it off like its no big deal. I however find it a big deal because if there is no trust in a relationship then there is NO relationship Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Well if she doesn't have an answer as to why she doesn't trust you, how fair is that? What have you done in the past that you know she wouldn't like for you to do now? Have you ever had relations with people from these web sites? Do you chat with naked models?...just trying to understand what your wife might have such a problem with...I mean if all you've ever done is photograph people and you've never done anything to seem not trustworthy, she doesn't have a valid reason to be this way...it seems like there's something your not tellin'....unless she's really just that much of a b*tch.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author buu Posted July 26, 2007 Author Share Posted July 26, 2007 Well if she doesn't have an answer as to why she doesn't trust you, how fair is that? What have you done in the past that you know she wouldn't like for you to do now? Have you ever had relations with people from these web sites? Do you chat with naked models?...just trying to understand what your wife might have such a problem with...I mean if all you've ever done is photograph people and you've never done anything to seem not trustworthy, she doesn't have a valid reason to be this way...it seems like there's something your not tellin'....unless she's really just that much of a b*tch.... q1: Not fair at all. it can be very frustrating q2: about a year ago I use to chat online ALOT & go to certain websites. She read my emails and didn't like what she saw. So I quit q3: NOPE q4: Nope. However about a year ago some ladies that I chatted with did send me photos. I will admit to this. I was arrested about a month ago (extremely embarrassing accusation) and the case was dismissed due to lack of evidence and the person lied. Maybe she think I did it. I would hate to think that this point anything is possible.. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Ah ok...well after the chatting/photos, etc, she must think that you would do something with a video cam that she wouldn't like. But if you have never specifically used a video cam in this way before, she shouldn't exactly assume that you would for sure. Maybe she doesn't believe that the person "lied" as you stated...but if she thinks that your not trustworthy or anything beyond, the issue needs to be addressed in a better way than taking things away or arguing. You two could probably use counseling, that is if both of you are willing to make this work in an honest way. She's accusing of you being shady but for her to hide stuff from you is shady too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buu Posted July 26, 2007 Author Share Posted July 26, 2007 Well according to her, she don't want me to have a chance to do something wrong. Keep in mind she also wants me to give her the camera that I keep in my car. I will admit to all the internet chats and photos and all that other stuff. I don't see her believing that lady because it would be physically impossible for that to happen. I worked real hard to clean up my act an to find out a year and a half later it was all for nothing???. What was the whole point?! Counseling? yes. but thats expensive. Way more than we can afford. Don't even know how I' going to handle this when I get home Ah ok...well after the chatting/photos, etc, she must think that you would do something with a video cam that she wouldn't like. But if you have never specifically used a video cam in this way before, she shouldn't exactly assume that you would for sure. Maybe she doesn't believe that the person "lied" as you stated...but if she thinks that your not trustworthy or anything beyond, the issue needs to be addressed in a better way than taking things away or arguing. You two could probably use counseling, that is if both of you are willing to make this work in an honest way. She's accusing of you being shady but for her to hide stuff from you is shady too. Link to post Share on other sites
woodsfield Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 I will admit to this. I was arrested about a month ago what did you do? did the trust issues start before or after the arrest. i have not read it all and we are hearing one side of this, but she sounds like a control bee-atch. dunno, could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Well according to her, she don't want me to have a chance to do something wrong. Keep in mind she also wants me to give her the camera that I keep in my car. I will admit to all the internet chats and photos and all that other stuff. I don't see her believing that lady because it would be physically impossible for that to happen. I worked real hard to clean up my act an to find out a year and a half later it was all for nothing???. What was the whole point?! Counseling? yes. but thats expensive. Way more than we can afford. Don't even know how I' going to handle this when I get home Buu, I'll give you one of the best pieces of advice I ever got: divorce is more expensive than counseling. I don't know the details but are yiou saying you have been chatting online and there was another woman besides your past with porn? She is sounding unreasonable but you can't roll over. You will resent it and it will only cause more trouble in the marriage. I suggest you ask her what you CAN do to earn her trust. If she says nothing, you have bigger problems than just your camera. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 q2: about a year ago I use to chat online ALOT & go to certain websites. She read my emails and didn't like what she saw. So I quit I have to ask, you say you've quit, but when you're online - Have you spoken to ANY women since you said you've stopped? It's okay to be completely honest here. Bottomline, if you love her and want to make her trust you again, be an open book to her. Let her have your passwords from your email account(s), cellphone records etc...BE a better husband, do nice things for her, spend time with her, and keep talking to her, show her how much you love and want her as your wife. Go to marriage counselling, that will help. AS long as she is willing to try, then you have a good shot. This isn't about the camera and the video camera, it's deeper than that. Link to post Share on other sites
East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I have to ask, you say you've quit, but when you're online - Have you spoken to ANY women since you said you've stopped? It's okay to be completely honest here. Bottomline, if you love her and want to make her trust you again, be an open book to her. Let her have your passwords from your email account(s), cellphone records etc...BE a better husband, do nice things for her, spend time with her, and keep talking to her, show her how much you love and want her as your wife. Go to marriage counselling, that will help. AS long as she is willing to try, then you have a good shot. This isn't about the camera and the video camera, it's deeper than that. Well, this changes everything. A past in porn and secret chats with women. I don't get it. Do you have an addiction? <shaking head> I can see why she is having trust issues. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 How long ago did you stop chatting with those ladies? Plus, throw in your arrest... People need time to trust again. This hurt her deeply, all her love, faith and trust you in was shaken, give her time! in the meantime, DO all that you can to regain her trust and faith in you. Show her not only in words, but in actions, that YOU have changed. And if she doesn't believe you, don't get pissed off at her - SYMPATHIZE with her and keep showing her you're capable of making things good again. I quit the Biz since and my only association with it was the webmaster that I chat online with every now and then. Recently, I started getting into video and multimedia development and started using a video camera (non adult content) to help me with my projects. How long ago was this? And, if you don't mind me asking, you say the only association "was" with the webmaster from that adult site, but is the 'was' an 'is'? Meaning, do you still talk to the webmaster? If you do, stop. Link to post Share on other sites
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