Why can't the MM actually love his wife?

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

...But...The crush-like and intense sexual feelings for the OW overrule his long time love for his wife.

You are absolutely right, WWIU. I think it's that way for alot of men engaging in affairs. They crave the lust, the excitement and the ego strokes. As is human nature, that level of excitement fades after years of being with the same person in a marriage. It's not the wife's fault, it's not the MM's fault - it's human nature. It just IS.

 

So when all that intensity is directed at someone else, it's pretty heady stuff and he'll often mistake it for love. And since a MM's time with his OW is extremely limited, he's always left wanting more, which keeps this perpetual 'high' going for a much longer time than it would if it were a normal relationship going through the normal stages.

 

There are different stages of love, and affairs tend to stay in that 'honeymoon' stage because they really don't get to develop any further than that. The one with his wife DOES. It eventually graduates into a secure and deep love, but without the fireworks. That's why these MM get the idea that they're no longer 'in' love with their wives. Because the fireworks are missing. But what they don't realize (until they actually have a D-Day and reality sets in) is that they're just at a different STAGE of love with their spouses. When they suddenly realize what they stand to lose, they kind of re-evaluate things and realize that their love for their wives is just different, not non-existent.

 

Just calling 'em as I sees 'em.

[Trialbyfire]

If it's time to finger point, the "blame" resides with people that actively and knowingly get involved in affairs. Everyone's an adult and aware of their social adult responsibilities. To attempt to say that one person is more guilty than another, if both parties are aware that it is an affair, doesn't make much sense to me. Knowledge is power, whether it's power over self or power over a third party.