moimeme Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 You just cannot go around accusing people based on suspicion alone. It's unfair and unjust. The rules of fairness aren't only reserved for inside courtrooms; the principles came long before courts were envisaged and they were translated into jurisprudence, not the other way 'round. Fine, ditch the guy based on a suspicion, no matter what he says. That's fair. And someday, may someone do the same to you. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme You just cannot go around accusing people based on suspicion alone. It's unfair and unjust. You just cannot go around living insecurely with people because you don't possess enough proof to justify your insecurities. It's naive and unhealthy. I wasn't reccomending a citzens arrest, I was only reccomending getting out of the relationship with a guy you don't trust, because you've stated before that you don't think his story makes any sense. I was also validating your concerns about the validity of his story, because his story *really* sucks. Moimeme's right, it's possible his story could be totally true. But it's not about the righteous pursuit of the truth, that's not your role. You're not a private investigator, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone whom you trust and believe, not someone whom you're only staying with because you couldn't prove wrongdoing. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 You just cannot go around living insecurely with people because you don't possess enough proof to justify your insecurities. Yes, but if you're going to decide to end a relationship, it ought to be on something stronger than a bit of insecurity. Sometimes, Dyer, people's mistrust is misplaced and they learn they were wrong. You can't be fleeing like a scared rabbit each time you get suspicious about something. You owe it to the other person and to yourself to get proof or to somehow ascertain that you're not over-reacting and that you have your facts completely straight. If you're ever on the other side of unwarranted suspicions, you'll realize what hell can be caused a perfectly innocent person when people don't take care to ascertain that their 'insecurity' or 'suspicion' is based on fact. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 If you're ever on the other side of unwarranted suspicions, you'll realize what hell can be caused a perfectly innocent person when people don't take care to ascertain that their 'insecurity' or 'suspicion' is based on fact. We're going in circles. If you're ever in such a relationship, but you can't prove your circumstances, you'll realize what hell can be caused by remaining in a relationship with someone whom you don't believe. Should she believe his story? I wouldn't. That's all I was saying. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Originally posted by SweetJulia But he says 16 & 17 year olds look like 18-20 year olds. That they are just keywords... I guess I'm naive... But I won't stay with him because it makes me feel bad about myself. I have trouble having sex with him now anyways. I think I'm depressed, I feel old and useless. Even if he seeks help, I feel this will always haunt me and I will always be paranoid about him doing it behind my back. Is it true that when you look at that kind of porn, after a while you want to act out on it? Imagine if you had a daughter, 16 or 17. Perhaps even 18. Imagine that this man is looking at your daughter in sexual ways. Do you feel it is wrong? I should hope so. It sounds that you are much like myself... You want to believe there is a deep good in all people, and that what you are being told is the truth, especially coming from someone you care about. Sadly the world is not this way, and the truth is that you had better hope he is not using YOUR computer or YOUR internet connection to download such content. It's illegal. It's illegal for a reason. One of my exes had her mother's fiance try to do things with her. He would use the fact that he was stronger and older than her to try to force her into doing things with him, or scare her into taking photographs. This was obviously wrong and I didn't like the guy for this at all. I even went to the police about it, but the mother scared my ex into defending the guy. The mother went on about all of my exe's problems and they put it all off as a figment of her imagination. What I'm trying to say is that if you're going to defend behavior you know is wrong, this may lead to the guy getting more into this. He has some type of a problem and he could possibly be a danger to someone. I don't mean any offense by that, but I think it is a very good idea to really analyze this situation. The man is looking at photographs, possibly videos depicting underage girls in lewd positions or acts. This is illegal. He can be arrested for this. If someone finds a photograph on the hard drive he's as good as arrested. You aren't happy. You know it's wrong and it bothers you. The man is making excuses, trying to take advantage of you being a nice person. Is this what you want? I'm sorry that I don't have anything wonderful to say. There was another post I replied to where I didn't have anything nice to say. It is however my feedback, and I hope it means something. I really do wish you the best of luck in dealing with this. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 Faux SweetJulia is long out of this discussion. Dyer and I were discussing post #59 by Kittah; a different situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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