East of Jupiter Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I get what you're saying and I'm not refuting it...I know that there are affairs like that and I wouldn't be in one like that at all... It's just that there's widespread acceptance of the idea that OW do sit around and wait for phone calls and get little to no time with MM and it is a R that is mainly sexual... I'd venture that there are more longer term A's out there but nobody realizes they're affairs, except the people in them... Plus, I was just educating the poster I referenced in my quote...because she pointedly directed the comment at me... I had a similar argument with a polyamorous group. They insist that men are not made to be monogamous and they cite animal behavior and their own relationships as a guide. However, they could not cite many poly relationships that lasted very long. When pressed, the leader could not tell me of one single 20 year polyamorous relationship that he knew of. (opening a possible can of worms) Just because people can party like it's 1999 (heh) with their bodies, does not mean that their mind and spirits can. And when it comes to love, human beings are notoriously monogamous and possessive. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 The A is always about the S and the family. He is part of them, they are part of him. They have built a life and memories together; good, bad or otherwise. Their lives are intertwined so what ever you do with him effects her. With her knowledge or without, it is detrimental to her. You can't separate his life from hers. The A is absolutely is about her. Excellent point. But OW's compartmentalize as much as the cheating husbands do, especially when they are WITH the MM...that's when they shut everything else out except their time together. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 you know norajane, i think my MM is trying to decompartmentalize (if that is a word he has recently started talking more about wanting us all together, and if he wasnt so serious i would laugh at his audacity. what is that about? i know this isnt the right place to put this, but it has been bothering me and i had to get it out. he actually thinks it would be a GOOD idea for us all to live as one big happy family, that is what he said. anyway, i will stop with my venting. it just seemed quite opposite of what you were saying. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 you know norajane, i think my MM is trying to decompartmentalize (if that is a word he has recently started talking more about wanting us all together, and if he wasnt so serious i would laugh at his audacity. what is that about? i know this isnt the right place to put this, but it has been bothering me and i had to get it out. he actually thinks it would be a GOOD idea for us all to live as one big happy family, that is what he said. anyway, i will stop with my venting. it just seemed quite opposite of what you were saying. Maybe he's been watching too much "Big Love" on HBO. Sounds like he's the consummate cake-eater - wanting both and to stop sneaking around. Maybe the hiding is becoming too stressful and he's fantasizing about how to have everything he wants without having to give anything up. He's fantasizing that what he wants will make both you and his wife happy. He's a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 well he has said as much, and there are problems coming up that may cause us to have a hard time seeing each other-his W is trying to get a job where he works. he has said that he wants us both. i have tried to tell him that his W would most likely not think that was such a good idea. and he knows it is not what i would like either. but he doesnt want to give anything up like you said. he will eventually see that something will have to be given up, and i, the realist that i am, know it will be me Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 oh, he said the show was on women's entertainment tv about the men with more than one "wife" Link to post Share on other sites
Author outofdarkness Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 A "stalker" lunatic OW won't let go..She even continues to contact my H's OW of 10 year who now lives 600 miles from us now...She wanted me to know in an emal that she sent today that this OW is "still around" and that she too, had to ask her to leave her alone...She also stated that this OW says that she is planning a move to our city... This is the same OW whom I have talked about before on LS..She scares me, and she is the ONLY OW that my H seems so secretive and defensive of...The one that he STILL insists to this day, that he doesn't know her last name, has never met her in person, and only had a phone/internet A w/... She also emphatically stated to me that she would NOT ever stop being his friend, even in abscentia... I asked the 10 year OW that emailed me to please let me know if this OW is still in communication w/ my H..Don't know if she'll e mail me back or not, but I'm hoping she does.Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 She also state that this OW says that she is planning a move to our city... If she moves to your area and has any utilites or even a forwarding address, that's traceable, easily! When she does a road trip is in order! This could be fun!!! Will she be bringing her daughter? It would be alot to move that childs' life 'cross country, but I wouldn't put it passed her. Actually OOD if she comes to you, it makes things MUCH easier!! KWIM??? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 OK, I'm no mathemetician but can someone please tell me how 1/10 of the THREADS are like 3/4's of them. Seeing as how I'll have to help my 5th grader with his fractions this year, WHAT AM I MISSING??? Well let's be brutally honest now, there is only three of four threads that focus on that, that's like 1/10 of the forum I never said 3/4 threads I said 3 OR 4. You even copied exactly what I said in your post at me and totally missed it again. I bolded what I said maybe you actually catch it this time :laugh::laugh: Here's your math lesson: 3/30 = 0.1 4/40 = 0.1 5/50 = 0.1 etc.... 0.1 = 1/10 Posting on the wrong name, TC said three of four!!! I'm churning butter!!!! PLEASE get your 5th grader a math AND reading tutor. Stick to making butter. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Maybe he's been watching too much "Big Love" on HBO. :lmao:That's what I am thinking. The sad thing is even if he did have the two of you under one roof he would still go out and look for an OW. He is a fool! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I never said 3/4 threads I said 3 OR 4. You even copied exactly what I said in your post at me and totally missed it again. I bolded what I said maybe you actually catch it this time :laugh::laugh: Here's your math lesson: 3/30 = 0.1 4/40 = 0.1 5/50 = 0.1 etc.... 0.1 = 1/10 PLEASE get your 5th grader a math AND reading tutor. Stick to making butter. Actually, you did say "three of four" not "three or four," and three of four IS 3/4. Now where's my apple? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Actually, you did say "three of four" not "three or four," and three of four IS 3/4. Now where's my apple? you're right!! Nice that you caught it. It was a typo. apparently I need reading AND writing lessons!!! I meant 3 or 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I always thought using the / also meant or. / has various uses... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I always thought using the / also meant or. / has various uses... yeah it is used like that too. but I said 3 of 4 one of my many typos, this one came back to bite me up the ronson :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 yeah it is used like that too. but I said 3 of 4 one of my many typos, this one came back to bite me up the ronson :lmao: Where's your "ronson?" Is that anywhere near a person's "quick?" I've often wondered exactly where someone is cut when it's to the quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Where's your "ronson?" Is that anywhere near a person's "quick?" I've often wondered exactly where someone is cut when it's to the quick. Never heard the "quick" expression?? But I'm always game for learning about new body parts :laugh: My "ronson" you're sitting on it, I mean you are sitting on your ronson and I am sitting on mine Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Never heard the "quick" expression?? But I'm always game for learning about new body parts :laugh: My "ronson" you're sitting on it, I mean you are sitting on your ronson and I am sitting on mine I don't know, TC. You're pretty feisty. If I swung that way, I might not mind sitting on your ronson. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I don't know, TC. You're pretty feisty. If I swung that way, I might not mind sitting on your ronson. Gees and I thought I had heard all the greatest lines from my ex MM, guess I was wrong. I wish I DID swing the other way...oh wait you're married... not going down THAT road again thank you very much! Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I think it some sort of psychosis that happens as a result of the thin air in affairyland. Like the OW feeling betrayed. That is incongruous, isn't it? The idea that he will lie to his wife but won't lie to his lover? Not very logical. A part of the brain has to shut down. Just as a part of a BW's has to shut down to believe the obvious lies. If you read any of Dr. Glass' work, she writes about the trauma of affairs very well. If you don't know of Shirley Glass, I highly encourage you to google her. She died of breast cancer a few years ago but she left a wonderful legacy in her work on affairs for all of us. She did not take one side or the other. i wasn't saying one side was more or less validated in their feelings than the other. i just noted that both groups seem to feel the same way about the other, which is often the case is opposing sides. thanks for the recommendation, i appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
corazoncito Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Where's your "ronson?" Is that anywhere near a person's "quick?" I've often wondered exactly where someone is cut when it's to the quick. I think the "quick" means the skin/tissue under your fingernails. You know, it hurts a lot if some one manages to jab you that deeply under your nails. Link to post Share on other sites
scaredinlove Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 How some of you; OW's that is, can be so cold and callous regarding their MM's W and family? I have tried and tried and tried to understand since first coming on LS almost one year ago, your "side" of things...Thus far, I have failed miserably. Some seem to even sort of brag of their A's...I can understand that sometimes these things just happen, and I can certainly understand that MM's are excellent liars, but just to openly and blantently have an A w/ an MM with full knowledge that they are M and not to feel any remorse...To actually seem to be proud of the A...The lack of respect and degradation when referring to the W is astounding to me...I would just like to know why the contempt? I think it's fair question..ood:confused: I am not cold or callous about his W and the family...They are part of him and I love him . The W is cold and callous about me and him and I can understand why. Many times the MM tells the OW horrible things about the wife ant that leads the OW to believe that the W is horrible and he is a victim. My MM pursued me for over one yr before I gave in. Now a yr after the D-day we are still together. I asked him some time apart, one month and he has called me several times and showed up on my work by surprise because he is now afraid of losing me since I started pulling back. 9 times out of 10 HE is the one who is callous and cold about his onw family. The OW only goes for what he says. Most times he is the one pusuing the OW.Lot of times he lies to the OW as much as he lies to the W. Link to post Share on other sites
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