BJ Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 Hello everyone, I think I am gay and i'm in love with my bestest friend (male), this causes me a lot of problems since my love is not reciprocated and so on, so i decided to try and end this friendship but it's hard and i am feeling always sad about this and i need someone to talk to since i always say what i feel; i am very extrovert. This thing breaks me down from the inside, i have to hide my feelings with everybody i need someone to open up with for relief. However i am still in the closet and want to tell somebody! I have some persons which i really have faith in but i have some dilemmas about this thing coz i dont wanna act wronlgy and then regret it! This best friend of mine doesn't even know why i am acting like this, trying to end our friendship and he is very upset about it, should i tell him everyhting? i feel i want to do so but will i chase him off or get him mad when telling him i'm gay and mostly that I Like him a lot!??!?!?!, otherwise i will tell somebody else too, is it better to tell a male or a female friend?!?! pls tell me, thanks all Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 ouch -- this is a thorny situation all the way around, because it's always hard to make the transition from friend to boyfriend/girlfriend/couple, and you have to be very careful that you don't lose a good friend along the way. I'd advise for you to sit on the information for a while, see if how you feel about your friend is something serious, or just an outgrowth of you thinking you might be gay. In the meantime, find a way to bring up the general topics about dating friends, about his ideal mate, about homosexuality. You'll know how to handle it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 Don't say one word to your friend if he's not gay. You will surely cause problems. However, you need to wind up the relationship and move on. To find yourself friends and partners who are gay, read personals on the Internet and in your local newspaper and go to gay bars and other activities in your town. If you are sure you're gay, don't ever disclose feelings for someone you are not very sure is also gay. Some are understanding but most will not be amused or flattered. Link to post Share on other sites
BJ Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 10x a lot, though i am in the process of moving out of this friendship i am still doubting if i am doing the wrong thing, first of all i feel i am not being sincere coz in our 7 year friendship we have always been very sincere to each oher and i don't want to end things up with a wrong note. Also i feel i'm being too strange breaking down this friendship without giving himany reason, i thought of telling him some excuse but i really don't want to! Being in his place i would want to know why this friendhsip is ending! Am i too caring!??! or is this just a normal behaviour, i act like this with all close friends coz i a m a very caring person. Sometimes i think and there are quite a few things that let me suspect he's gay so i don't want to let loose completely. More over i dont want to lose a friend like him! I know i sound stupid but pls help me for the last time! 10x a lot AND OMETHING ELSE, IF I DECIDE TO TELL SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT TIS GAY THING AND MY CRUSH should i tell a girl friend or a boy friend?!! THANKX ALL OF U FOR LISTENING Link to post Share on other sites
Toby Posted June 8, 2003 Share Posted June 8, 2003 BJ I am in the very same situation & I know how hard it can be. I also keep trying to end my friendship with my mate but it is sooooo hard! But it really must be done, otherwise instead of moving on with your own life, you will end up doing what I have done & waste 10 years just hoping that there is a chance that maybe one day you will be able to start a relationship with this particular friend, BUT IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN. Another problem is that your 'straight friendship' must be really suffering. Your mate will be treating you like a good friend & you will be always expecting a little more.... getting offended when he doesn't think of you, upsetting yourself when you go out with a group of people & he hardly speaks to you. But he hasn't done anything wrong...... Its you who is coming at this 'straight friendship' from the wrong angle. Don'y ever tell him that you 'like' him a lot, 'cos the only reason you would want to do that is that you still think there is a chance that its is all gonna end happily like in some film......BJ you will just scare the f**k outta him & you will lose a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted June 8, 2003 Share Posted June 8, 2003 first of all, if you're sure that you're gay, you should come out of the closet - hiding it puts so much stress on your life, it's insane... tell your close friends, your family, etc. it will cause some issues, but once you're past it, you'll feel better than in the closet (i have several gay friends who've gone through this). as for your best friend, tell him that you're gay, also. don't tell him how you feel, though, unless he says that he's gay, too. but, if he knows that you're gay and he isn't, winding down the frienship will be MUCH easier. have you hung out much at gay bars and clubs? you should! to make sure you're gay, first of all, and to learn how they deal with all the people who're anti-gay... from what i see happen to my friends... being gay is tough in this society, but it's entirely possible to be very happy anyway =) best of luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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