Truly Disappointed

[Cliche]

Certainly BS's are fair game here as you put it. I don't imagine you would treat people any different "virtually" than you do in real life. Not one of us every accused you of being compassionate.

What a low blow, and I'm surprised at this coming from you, Ifwisheswerehorses.

 

And when we're talking about how people treat each other virtually vs. real life, let's put some honesty out there. It is true that in some cases, BS' are victims of a spouse who simply does not take them into considertion. For those BS' on here who fit that category, I am so so sorry for your pain. Honestly and sincerely.

 

But in other cases, including that of my MM, the WS is a victim of a spouse who simply does not and has not for years cared to do anything to mend a breaking relationship. Some spouses, including those who have been cheated on, are selfish and simply don't know how to participate in an unconditionally loving relationship. So the bad behavior in my situation, imo, is shared equally between me, MM and his W. I am 100% sure he never would have cheated on her (and didn't for years even though his M was pretty much over for half a decade) if she hadn't given up first and made it clear to him that she didn't want an unconditionally loving M and felt justified in her resentment.

 

Not all BS' are poor victims of infidelity. Some of them do set in motion the events that lead us into this forum. So please don't give us your righteous indignation that OWs are so morally and ethically devolved simply because they are OW. That's horsesh**. BS' can be equally morally and ethically devolved and can even be the person who starts the pain in the, M, setting in place the events that end here with an affair.

[greengoddess]

What a low blow, and I'm surprised at this coming from you, Ifwisheswerehorses.

 

And when we're talking about how people treat each other virtually vs. real life, let's put some honesty out there. It is true that in some cases, BS' are victims of a spouse who simply does not take them into considertion. For those BS' on here who fit that category, I am so so sorry for your pain. Honestly and sincerely.

 

But in other cases, including that of my MM, the WS is a victim of a spouse who simply does not and has not for years cared to do anything to mend a breaking relationship. Some spouses, including those who have been cheated on, are selfish and simply don't know how to participate in an unconditionally loving relationship. So the bad behavior in my situation, imo, is shared equally between me, MM and his W. I am 100% sure he never would have cheated on her (and didn't for years even though his M was pretty much over for half a decade) if she hadn't given up first and made it clear to him that she didn't want an unconditionally loving M and felt justified in her resentment.

 

Not all BS' are poor victims of infidelity. Some of them do set in motion the events that lead us into this forum. So please don't give us your righteous indignation that OWs are so morally and ethically devolved simply because they are OW. That's horsesh**. BS' can be equally morally and ethically devolved and can even be the person who starts the pain in the, M, setting in place the events that end here with an affair.

 

cliche if you believe the wife is also responsible then would you please TELL HER so she knows about this triangle she supposedly is responsible for. If you are going to hold her at fault then she needs to know about it. After all, your mm could be full of crap. I'm sure you wouldn't be screwing him if he told you he had a loving wife at home. Test your theory, see what happens when she knows all about you honey.

[Cliche]

cliche if you believe the wife is also responsible then would you please TELL HER so she knows about this triangle she supposedly is responsible for. If you are going to hold her at fault then she needs to know about it. After all, your mm could be full of crap. I'm sure you wouldn't be screwing him if he told you he had a loving wife at home. Test your theory, see what happens when she knows all about you honey.

She knows about the A. I didn't tell her because it is not my place to tell her. But she knows. I don't believe she was told she was at fault because, frankly, it is what it is and blame means nothing to anyone at this stage of the game.

[greengoddess]

so cliche what happened when the wife found out about you? Was he a man? Did he tell his wife he is in love with you and not her? Are you about to live your happy ever after with this gem of a man?

[Lyssa]

cliche if you believe the wife is also responsible then would you please TELL HER so she knows about this triangle she supposedly is responsible for. If you are going to hold her at fault then she needs to know about it. After all, your mm could be full of crap. I'm sure you wouldn't be screwing him if he told you he had a loving wife at home. Test your theory, see what happens when she knows all about you honey.

 

I know this is directed at Cliche but what you just said was once, said to me as well.

 

Most MM/MW are full of crap. Some are not. I know this for sure because one of my friends, a MW did not want to make things better when things started to go wrong. Her husband ended up having an A. They are divorced now and he is now happily married with OW.

 

My MM is having a tough time with his M, his W is aware of that and even admitted to it but would rather concentrate on their kids than on their M. So I don't blame Cliche for writing the above.

[greengoddess]

I know this is directed at Cliche but what you just said was once, said to me as well.

 

Most MM/MW are full of crap. Some are not. I know this for sure because one of my friends, a MW did not want to make things better when things started to go wrong. Her husband ended up having an A. They are divorced now and he is now happily married with OW.

 

My MM is having a tough time with his M, his W is aware of that and even admitted to it but would rather concentrate on their kids than on their M. So I don't blame Cliche for writing the above.

 

 

So he tells you...do you really know this to be a fact? Does she know he is having an affair with you? MM lie. It's that simple.

[Lyssa]

So he tells you...do you really know this to be a fact? Does she know he is having an affair with you? MM lie. It's that simple.

 

His wife told me so. The point isn't about whether she knows about me and him, it's about his W not TRYING to make it work for the better.

[greengoddess]

His wife told me so. The point isn't about whether she knows about me and him, it's about his W not TRYING to make it work for the better.

 

 

whooooa his wife told you? Please tell me you are not her friend and she is confiding in you while you are screwing her husband?

Please tell me you don't believe you are helping her by taking care of his needs?

 

[bish]

oh and it's not your place to tell her but it is your place to step in and screw her husband when you feel she isn't doing a good enough job?? LOL I love it.

 

Yes you know your place...

 

oh now GG....be careful...be very careful....speaking too much truth can get you banned.

[Lyssa]

LOL oh and he is trying so hard to make it better by being with you.:laugh:What a man. His wife doesn't try hard enough so he gets a piece on the side.

 

You actually believe this don't you?

 

He tried but you know how men are, they get tired after trying all the time, esp when the women do nothing to make it better?

 

You must have had a really bad experience with men to make you sound so bitter... and I am really sorry you went through that. From the bottom of my heart, I really hope you'll find happiness again.

 

Have a pleasant day.

[greengoddess]

She is not my concern. Nor is her reaction to me.

 

And I am not screwing "her" husband, I am in a relationship witha man I love and she may have once but no longer loved.

 

So, right now, your only objection must be on either posessory (marriage = ownership) or moral grounds, neither of which holds weight to me. The BS = victim scenario doesn't fit here. She disrespected her marriage first. BTW, this doesn't mean that I think she's an evil wench. I don't think that. She sounds nice. But she didn't love him. She had no reason to hold on so long (and neither did he...he should've left sooner as well, it is not a one way street) when she didn't want to give anything to their R. She is just as responsible for the dissolution of their marriage as he is. No poor lil' ole wife sitting by the homefire yearning for her wayward spouse here.

 

I love how you justify your behavior to yourself. Funny how you profess to know how his wife feels about him. I know he tells you this and he is such an upstanding citizen you believe everythinghe says.:laugh:

 

No there isn't a poor little ole wife there is a poor little ow hoping and waiting and wishing one day that a man married to another woman will one day be hers. How utterly sad.

[greengoddess]

He tried but you know how men are, they get tired after trying all the time, esp when the women do nothing to make it better?

 

You must have had a really bad experience with men to make you sound so bitter... and I am really sorry you went through that. From the bottom of my heart, I really hope you'll find happiness again.

 

Have a pleasant day.

 

LOL I am not in the least bit bitter. I am speaking the truth that you are hiding from to justify your love. If you think i am bitter then tell your mom, your dad your best friend and all your work colleagues of this wonderful relationship you are in. I'm sure they are not all bitter and will simply embrace your relationship for the savior of this man that you are.:laugh:

[Cliche]

Greengoddess,

You should read my posts on my situation. Your one size fits all assumptions don't fit.

 

I'm sorry your husband slept with someone else and now you're bitter. But your situation is not representative of all.

[greengoddess]

He tried but you know how men are, they get tired after trying all the time, esp when the women do nothing to make it better?

 

You must have had a really bad experience with men to make you sound so bitter... and I am really sorry you went through that. From the bottom of my heart, I really hope you'll find happiness again.

 

Have a pleasant day.

 

 

Actually I really feel sorry for you. You will experience such heartbreak when this fantasy is shattered. You read it daily on these forums. Oh wait your love is different. That's right.

[Lyssa]

LOL I am not in the least bit bitter. I am speaking the truth that you are hiding from to justify your love. If you think i am bitter then tell your mom, your dad your best friend and all your work colleagues of this wonderful relationship you are in. I'm sure they are not all bitter and will simply embrace your relationship for the savior of this man that you are.:laugh:

 

As a matter of fact, my mother knows about it. So does my best friend and a few others.

 

The thing is, some people can accept the fact that As do happen... where else, some just can't accept it.

[greengoddess]

Greengoddess,

You should read my posts on my situation. Your one size fits all assumptions don't fit.

 

I'm sorry your husband slept with someone else and now you're bitter. But your situation is not representative of all.

 

 

I love all the bitter comments and you must be a betrayed wife. UMMM guess what people do NOT approve of affairs. Not betrayed wives PEOPLE find this behavior reprehensible. Umm that's why they are a secret. Imagine thaT.

[Lyssa]

Actually I really feel sorry for you. You will experience such heartbreak when this fantasy is shattered. You read it daily on these forums. Oh wait your love is different. That's right.

 

Actually, I don't need you to feel sorry. If it doesn't end the way MM and I want it, then life goes on. I do read it daily, yes and to tell you the truth, some ended up with a happy ending, not that you care or would like to believe it because your happily ever after shattered to pieces.

 

Again, pls don't waste your time on feeling sorry for me. Feel sorry for yourself, GG.

[greengoddess]

As a matter of fact, my mother knows about it. So does my best friend and a few others.

 

The thing is, some people can accept the fact that As do happen... where else, some just can't accept it.

 

oH MY YOU MUST HAVE A LOVELY UPBRINGING. Your mom and best friend approve of you having an affair with a married man? They really must not care about your happiness because this is surely a road to a lot of heartbreaak for all involved. I'm sure his children will approve of this affair too especially since you seem to be a friend of the family.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

What a low blow, and I'm surprised at this coming from you, Ifwisheswerehorses.

 

And when we're talking about how people treat each other virtually vs. real life, let's put some honesty out there. It is true that in some cases, BS' are victims of a spouse who simply does not take them into considertion. For those BS' on here who fit that category, I am so so sorry for your pain. Honestly and sincerely.

 

But in other cases, including that of my MM, the WS is a victim of a spouse who simply does not and has not for years cared to do anything to mend a breaking relationship. Some spouses, including those who have been cheated on, are selfish and simply don't know how to participate in an unconditionally loving relationship. So the bad behavior in my situation, imo, is shared equally between me, MM and his W. I am 100% sure he never would have cheated on her (and didn't for years even though his M was pretty much over for half a decade) if she hadn't given up first and made it clear to him that she didn't want an unconditionally loving M and felt justified in her resentment.

 

Not all BS' are poor victims of infidelity. Some of them do set in motion the events that lead us into this forum. So please don't give us your righteous indignation that OWs are so morally and ethically devolved simply because they are OW. That's horsesh**. BS' can be equally morally and ethically devolved and can even be the person who starts the pain in the, M, setting in place the events that end here with an affair.

 

Cliche,

 

I'm responding the to comment that the BS's who post on OW deserve what they get for coming here. Yet it is posted on a thread about trying to be more respectful. And in this thread plenty of disrespectful posts pop up. I am not in anyway speaking of how BS's do or do not deserve the treatment of the two people involved in their betrayal. I am responding to the treatment of people on this board and a double standard that seems maddening to many of us. For example, blaming ones REaction on another's actions. Well, we either do that in all instances or in no instances, but to say, its ok if it justifies my actions but not allow another the same justification is completely onesided. Now Cliche, how many times have you stopped another OW on this thread and said, well not that's not nice... can't believe you would say that OW.

 

To say that "we deserve what ever you want to dish out" because we are here to ME in MY opinion is the same frame of mind as someone deciding that another deserves the mistreatment because of an action might just possible justify someone elses misbehavior. And the response was to Frannies reply.

 

An OW asked me months ago "What did you do to cause your H to cheat on you?" LOL, that's easy I married him! Otherwise he couldn't have done it now could he! MY BAD.

 

My post was in no way meant to rob ow of their justifications of blaming their BS's for their H's misbehavior. I understand how important that belief is to many here.

[greengoddess]

Actually, I don't need you to feel sorry. If it doesn't end the way MM and I want it, then life goes on. I do read it daily, yes and to tell you the truth, some ended up with a happy ending, not that you care or would like to believe it because your happily ever after shattered to pieces.

 

Again, pls don't waste your time on feeling sorry for me. Feel sorry for yourself, GG.

 

If married man wanted it to end the same way you do then he easily could. It's so simple. He just has to tell his wife he doesn't love her anymore ad he wants a divorce. Is he not man enough to do this?

[Lyssa]

oH MY YOU MUST HAVE A LOVELY UPBRINGING. Your mom and best friend approve of you having an affair with a married man? They really must not care about your happiness because this is surely a road to a lot of heartbreaak for all involved. I'm sure his children will approve of this affair too especially since you seem to be a friend of the family.

 

Didn't say I was a family friend.

 

You don't know the whole situation/story... and I wouldn't waste my time on telling you about it.

 

Thanks, I do have a lovely upbringing.

[greengoddess]

Didn't say I was a family friend.

 

You don't know the whole situation/story... and I wouldn't waste my time on telling you about it.

 

Thanks, I do have a lovely upbringing.

 

The wife onfides in you about her marriage but you are not a friend?

You keep telling yourself what you need to to minimize the guilt.

[Cliche]

Cliche,

 

I'm responding the to comment that the BS's who post on OW deserve what they get for coming here. Yet it is posted on a thread about trying to be more respectful.

Frankly, I don't think anyone deserves judgmental and sometimes damn near abusive behavior on a bb. It's bad style. So I understand your concern and disdain, but perhaps maybe you could've been your normally rational self instead of playing in the mud with the pigs, if you get what I mean.

Now Cliche, how many times have you stopped another OW on this thread and said, well not that's not nice... can't believe you would say that OW.

Right, becaue I'm here to support the OW, not necessarily the BS (though I do many times because I really do feel for your pain which, btw, I DID NOT CAUSE). Though, I think once an OW made a really awful comment that I, along with many other OW called her out on.

 

To say that "we deserve what ever you want to dish out" because we are here to ME in MY opinion is the same frame of mind as someone deciding that another deserves the mistreatment because of an action might just possible justify someone elses misbehavior. And the response was to Frannies reply.

So, if everyone here jumped off a bridge....

 

An OW asked me months ago "What did you do to cause your H to cheat on you?" LOL, that's easy I married him! Otherwise he couldn't have done it now could he! MY BAD.

Ftr, cheating isn't the only thing that causes marriages to end.

 

My post was in no way meant to rob ow of their justifications of blaming their BS's for their H's misbehavior. I understand how important that belief is to many here.

Or acknowledge the truth that in some way, no matter how large or small, we all play a part in the events that shape our lives. That means that the BS has a role in what occurred to him/her, whether it is as small as making a bad choice in a mate with issues that lead to him/her being inconsiderate or whether it is a larger role as I mentioned in my situation. Self awareness is a good thing. Victimization, well, I guess it's something to hold on to, but it's not much fun.

[Cliche]

Lyssa,

If I may suggest, leave the green one alone. She is not interested in any discussion. She's saying things that don't even correlate to our Rs. She just wants to be nasty for the sake of being nasty. I'd just let her troll along until she gets tired and goes on her way.

[Lyssa]

Lyssa,

If I may suggest, leave the green one alone. She is not interested in any discussion. She's saying things that don't even correlate to our Rs. She just wants to be nasty for the sake of being nasty. I'd just let her troll along until she gets tired and goes on her way.

 

I'm done with her, Cliche. Just like you said, even Lizzie and others - someone like her just doesn't leave us alone esp in this forum.That's what this whole thread was all about, if I wasn't mistaken. Some people are just obsessed, I would say.