a sudden call from the ex after 4 years.....

[I_Ai_U]

Just this past Friday I received a phone call from one of my co-worker from my job that a certain someone is looking for me. It was my ex girlfriend she called my job and ask for you me. My co-worker said that she seem upset when she ask for me over the phone. She left me a message saying that it was important and she also left her number so I can call her back. Today at work 5 mins. before closing time she calls me up and start talking to me and asking all these questions. She ask me how I was doing and what not.

 

I told her that I was doing fine and that basically I am focus on school and trying to finish school to pursue my teaching career. She was shock to hear that I wanted to become a Educator and that she basically thinks that I have changed. Of course, after not talking to someone for about 4 years you would think that they would change. To make things short, I want to know if your ex girlfriend calls you up after 4 years all of suddenly. What does that mean? Is she just checking on me or is there something else? Basically I just want to know why after 4 years she calls me up when we had a bad breakup... Any opinions are more than welcome. I would love to hear from everyone. Please do leave your opinion.

[underpants]

My thought was that she may have hit a rough spot in her life (divorce, break up, death, financial woes). After 4 years it could be anything.

 

She thought of a previous source of support and reached out to you.

[loveinlife]

I agree with under... i remember doing that before to a few girls. After my ex came back to me for a brief time, 8 months coming and going, i spoke to a few girls, whom i didn't pursue in the past, for support. They were good supporters but nothing more that just friends that i wanted.

 

I even apologized to my first ex about 12 years ago for our break up. I guess i learned that being heart broken hurts and i wanted to apologize to all the girls i have hurt before, so i did. I guess one way for me to try to feel like a better person. Good luck my friend. Let us know how things go. =)

[Alexandra-Girl]

It has been 4 years since you last spoke? Is this correct? If this is the case, then she is not checking up on you - that is your mind thinking that this could be the only reason for her intrusiveness. The reality is, that if anything, she has grown in maturity and is simply seeing if you are now mature enough to maintain a friendship after having spent years apart. She clearly still respects you on some level and wishes to be part of that respectable person's life (take that as a compliment).

 

You won't know any further details unless you two have more contact, and most possibly, meet face-to-face. But, be forwarned, don't overanalyze her intent to reconnect. She may only wish to pursue a friendship, especially if you were the one that ended things. Take it slow and don't be judgemental. Remember that bad break-ups are A) easier to get over than one's that just fade because there are clear lines that have been crossed B) Bad break-up's can get back together in the future, if both parties have grown and understand how they treated one another.

 

Considering that your first initial tone here is defensive, I suspect you still have feelings for this woman on some level. It is a good sign that she is in contact, so play it mellow. Don't jump the gun, don't bring up the past, don't bring up conflicts that you once had. Just be grateful that she has peaked out of her cave. She is asking questions, not to be intrusive, but simply because she is trying to catch-up (her remarks about teaching weren't intended to be offensive). This is where men and women think differently. Women often ask for details because this is our nature, while Men don't respond well to the questions for details because they feel that the women is becoming clingy, or insecure.

 

Her questions are towards the future, the past doesn't 'appear' to be on her radar, at least not right now. To double check, you could always make a simple comment about something, the most trivial, was 'off' when you two were together (but jokingly). If she avoids making remarks back she's not at the same place you are. If you want her there, take it slow... court her again and allow her to fall towards the man she once cared about. If you don't want her there, continue to speak about the future - AND ONLY the future. Don't bait her on the past - you won't rebuild anything this way, including a friendship.

 

Good Luck!

Don't overanalyze at this stage.

[I_Ai_U]

Just yesterday I talk to my ex girlfriend again. She again started to ask many questions. One of the question that came up was that if I had a girlfriend (but not in that way). I responded that no and I am too busy right now BUT if the right girl comes along than its a different story. The other question that blew me off was that she ask if I still had any feelings for her?

 

I am now confused and don't know what she is trying to do. Why is she asking these questions?

[Trialbyfire]

The key question for you is, what do you want from her?

[I_Ai_U]

The key question for you is, what do you want from her?[/quote

 

I want us to be together again. But if things don't go that route than friendship would be fine with me. I can't afford to lose her friendship this time especially I get a second chance.

[Trialbyfire]

I want us to be together again. But if things don't go that route than friendship would be fine with me. I can't afford to lose her friendship this time especially I get a second chance.

What did you say when she asked if you still had feelings for her?

[sonyjay999]

Just yesterday I talk to my ex girlfriend again. She again started to ask many questions. One of the question that came up was that if I had a girlfriend (but not in that way). I responded that no and I am too busy right now BUT if the right girl comes along than its a different story. The other question that blew me off was that she ask if I still had any feelings for her?

 

I am now confused and don't know what she is trying to do. Why is she asking these questions?

 

 

i was in ur shoes a few times, she is still interested in you

feel her out, if u still have feelings which is obvious, talk to her and see where it could lead u guys

[I_Ai_U]

What did you say when she asked if you still had feelings for her?

 

 

I did tell her that I still had feelings for her. But I told her I thought about her a lot and missed. What I should have really done was told her that I still have feelings for her. I guess I was too "shock" to answer that question at that time. I really want to tell her how I feel about her but I think its still too early to.

[Trialbyfire]

I did tell her that I still had feelings for her. But I told her I thought about her a lot and missed. What I should have really done was told her that I still have feelings for her. I guess I was too "shock" to answer that question at that time. I really want to tell her how I feel about her but I think its still too early to.

No. I think you did the right thing and was honest about it.

 

If she backs off, you know she only wants friendship, which isn't what you most want from her, although you're willing to settle for it. Trying to be friends with someone you still have strong feelings for, can be detrimental to your own emotional well-being, at least in my opinion. It becomes more difficult to move on because you're still getting your fix.

 

Might as well get your cards on the table so you don't reinvest heavily into someone who isn't capable of reciprocating your feelings. If she's feeling the same way about wanting to try again, what have you lost?