It DID Affect Me! Am I being a crazy person?

[gonetildecember]

Tonight i went out with a group of friends including the guy I've been dating for a month. We haven't established the bf/gf title... but things have been going extremely well and neither of us are currently dating other people.

 

While out I noticed these two girls staring at us (the same two girls have done the same thing when we were out the two prior weekends as well- one even had the audacity to pull him away while I was dancing with him and say I just need him for a second). After making me feel extremely uncomfortable with the staring, the same on approached and said.. just because ur here with ur girl doesnt mean u cant say hi.. god.. and rambled on for a few minutes.. then went over to a mutual friend and started talking to him... A friend of mineoverheard a few words from the conversation.. and he was talking about him being with me and not saying hi.

 

Their group remained about 4 feet from us the entire night.. I was uncomfotable and starting to get mad... and Im sure the look on my face gave that away... he asked what was wrong and I said.. it makes me uncomfortable.. and explained. He told me that it was nothing and I shouldnt worry. He told me if it bugged me that much he would talk to them, but I didnt want him to as I thought it would only give them more ammunition of their goal was to annoy me.

 

I still think he is going to mention siomething to them, and told me that he and I need to talk tomorrow to settle some things.. I said Im not your gf and there really is nothing you can do, just leave it alone.. but he still says he wants to talk tomorrow.

 

I later found out from my cousin (his best friend) that one of the girl has had a thing for him for a while... and I think something may have gone on with them in the past..not sure tho

 

Was I over-reacting..? What should I do now? I wasreally liking where things were going, annd I just dont want this to put a damper on things.. cuz they always seem to be around.

[squeak]

Grr girls like that make me so angry. It's a fact, you are always going to have some bi**h challenging you for your BF, I don't know why some women have to be like that.

 

It is a territorial pissing contest, pulling him away, so desperate!!

 

No wonder he doesn't like her! Sounds like he acted right, but yes, they will hang around and try to intimidate and annoy. Can you avoid that place? Are they in his circle? I would definitely try to find out who exactly they are to him, so you are better informed.

 

Next time, maybe talk with him before hand and don't let those girls step in and pull him away, say no and then both of you move away from those girls. They need to see he chooses you over them.

 

I would not say stuff to him like "I'm not your GF.." it sounds challenging. No reason to outline it, anyways-they are going to do it wether or not you are. Girls like that don't give a f**k.

 

Good luck! I really hate women like that, so I take special delight in seeing them get thwarted in their attempts to cause tension and mess stuff up.

 

Maybe others can give practical advice on what to do too.

[gonetildecember]

Grr girls like that make me so angry. It's a fact, you are always going to have some bi**h challenging you for your BF, I don't know why some women have to be like that.

 

It is a territorial pissing contest, pulling him away, so desperate!!

 

No wonder he doesn't like her! Sounds like he acted right, but yes, they will hang around and try to intimidate and annoy. Can you avoid that place? Are they in his circle? I would definitely try to find out who exactly they are to him, so you are better informed.

 

Next time, maybe talk with him before hand and don't let those girls step in and pull him away, say no and then both of you move away from those girls. They need to see he chooses you over them.

 

I would not say stuff to him like "I'm not your GF.." it sounds challenging. No reason to outline it, anyways-they are going to do it wether or not you are. Girls like that don't give a f**k.

 

Good luck! I really hate women like that, so I take special delight in seeing them get thwarted in their attempts to cause tension and mess stuff up.

 

Maybe others can give practical advice on what to do too.

 

 

Thanks Squeak,

the thing is they are pretty hard to avoid. They are friends with a bunch of his friends,but not too close-more like ppl yousee out all the time andhave hung out with a few times.. sothey seem to hang around us when we go out. In addition to that, we live on a small island, with only a few places to go out, so its not uncommon to run into them (as this has happen 3 times over the past two weeks)

 

He noticed how frustrated it made me, and wants to tell them to stop,but I thinkthat will only make it worse.. but he sees it as a way to make me happy.

 

Now I'm also worried that this will mess things up between us as this is the first mini rift we've had... and I don't know if I should call or wait for him to call.. he said we had to talk today to settle this.. so I'm not sure what I should do,I'd rather just leave it alone.

 

Anyone else have some ideas on how to resolve the issue?

[BlueEyedSarah]

I think you should talk about it with him not 'leave it alone' as that sounds like you are running from the problem.

[gonetildecember]

He called me shortyl after my last post, and came to pick me up to go for a drive- he told me he wanted to come see me.

Immediately after getting in the car he said "what happened with us last night" and I responded, we were fine.. i just didn't like all of that drama.

 

So he started talking and began with Friday night when a few friends of ours had gone out for drinks.. apparently, one of my friends while intoxicated told him that she introduces me to ppl as his girlfriend (altho we have never had the bf/bf talk) then he said.. but last night you laid it on me hard and said I'm not your girlfriend"... and then went on to say.. don't let those girls bug you. he said... i can tell you everything becuase i have nothing to hide.. a while ago (not sure of what he means by a while) he slept with one of her friends...and these girls are very "classless" and are just upset to see him with someone.. and therefore, have made it their duty to make me feel uncomfortable and flirt with him purposely.

He said he wants it to stop and doesnt want me to feel uncomfortable... we talked for a bit longer about it, with me finally saying that idon't want him to say anything to them.. it wil only make it worse.. and if it does happen again we will find a way to handle it.

 

so we drove to his house so he could change (he was going to a family lunch) and we were sitting outside, so i said.. if it made u uncomftortable that she called me ur girlfriend ill tell her not to do it and he was like no but u told me yesterday im not your girlfriend.. and i said no.. ur taking it out of context.. its not like i dont want to be your girlfriend.. its just that we've never discussed that.. so technically im not your girlfriend.. and he said.. ya i can see what ur staying.. its still early i guess- we've only been dating for like a month right.. and i was like ya..

 

o my q is.. i don't know if he was offended i said im not your girlfriend and thinks i dont want to be or am not ready.... or if he is not ready.. ?? any insight?

[Hestia]

Just agree to be his girlfriend and make the boy happy!

[LakesideDream]

Mini-Cake Eater yes? You are adament about no committment, then get p***ed when other women pull him away "for a chat".

 

Sounds like something you must put up with him until the relationship moves into another phase.

 

Or... just ignore it, and all the drama completely.

[squeak]

Nah I don't think she is a cake eater afraid of commitment.

She may have been passively aggressively trying to make a point to him that he never discussed their status to eachother?

 

Right gonetildecember?

 

On the label of GF, I could not decipher all the mixed messages you were giving eachother as it is obvious you are both afraid to show your cards, so you are both gun shy, maybe just avoid the topic but always be sure to tell him how much fun you are having with him, so he is not getting mixed messages going forward.

 

Well, seems you have very specific views on not saying anything to those girls-it is nice he offered from the get go.

 

I had problems with girls like that and ignoring did not help. It did not stop them from acting out inappropriately. Things like physically trying to seperate the 2 of you is hard to ignore.

 

I hope it works!

 

Here is how typical these girls are and what you can expect:

1) trying to intercept him when he goes to the bathroom and get him to sit down with him

2) talking to him in front of you and ignoring you, maybe even flirting

3)intently watching all your interactions

4) if they have his # they may even start calling and needing his help because their car broke down, they are stranded, their dog needs to go to the vet-can he help? No one else but him can take them.

5)Dirty dancing in his view to catch his eye

6)Trying to provoke you to make you look like an unstable person if you take the bait and go off on them

 

Just to give you a heads up of typical desperate ho behavior I have observed in so many women, unfortunately.

[gonetildecember]

Exactly Squeak, its not that Im avoiding becoming his girlfriend/afraid of commitment, or that I don't want to- I'd actually love to.. I was just not trying to make the assumption that I was his girlfriend, as we'd never discussed it and some guys are VERY particular about that.. some ppl figure that after a few dates and sleeping together they are a couple.. only to find out the other sees it differently. So i was just trying to respect his space and not assume.

 

 

The mixed messages...i guess on both of our parts are quite confusing...

 

Apparently, after talking to our close friends.. they informed me that by him calling me "his girl" last night, he meant his girlfriend.. apparently on this random island the terms are interchangeable.. so now i'm thinking OMG... he must be thinking, this girl doesnt want to be with me..

 

he did say... "then u just laid it on me and said, im not your girlfriend" but all i meant is we never had "the talk", when apparently he considered i was his girlfriend already :S

 

They ar almost convinced this is what he meant.. and now, because i said im not his girlfriend.. is trying to cover it up as if he isn't ready or..?? etc.

 

So now I dont know what to do. I called and his phone was off, we talked a bit before that and he said he would call me if he was coming out or before he went to bed, but never did. He did say he missed me tho.. so now I don't know how to go about fixing things..

 

and about the girls.. pretty much ALL of that has happened.. it enrages me!!but i dont know how to stop them.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Whoa, Squeak,

 

You've pretty much go the profile pegged! I've seen alot of this from "older" adults. It looks like he has taken notice of what is going on, and if you are just kind and adorable, he will notice and respect the difference in you. Unfortunately Squeak is right. It won't stop them and their behavior will only escalate.

 

Act like a lady in all that you do, and any decent man will notice the difference. I would not make him feel responsible for their actions though. Infact if you merely laugh about it, it will make them look silly and childish.

 

I would simply explain that you didn't want to sound presumptuous but after all that has happened that you feel you should both clear the air.

 

My guess is that he is talking to your friends as you are! Good luck!

[gonetildecember]

In terms of the girls... they frustrate me! It's not the first time it's happened. The good thing is that, he handled the situation perfectly in my book, he's actually very frustrated and feels liek he needs to fix it, but I'd rather handle it on my own if it comes down to that.

 

They are doing it purposely, so him saying something would aggrevate the situation. I just don't want him to not talk to them because he knows how I feel and make him feel even more uncomfortable around them, hence making them retaliate even more.. can I win.

 

And about the gf label... I don't even know what to say. I don't want to let it linger any longer, so what do i do.. say I didn't realise you thought I was your girlfriend.. can I take it back that I said I wasn;t? lol

Looking back on it now I guess he was hurt.. he fell really quite after I said I'm nto your girlfriend the other night, and then yesterday I guess he was jsut trying to play it off because he thought I wasn't ready.. the things I get myself into.!