I'm giving up ....

[JaneInVegas]

I have had such rotten luck with men lately it's not even funny.

 

I joined eHarmony and had a string of bad dates. One guy was a total nerd and was as interesting as a turnip. Another guy I kind of liked, he gave me a hug and a couple kisses good-bye and said he'd call me later, and I never heard from him again. I met another guy I really sincerely liked a lot and was hoping something would come of it, but after an 8 hour long date he told me he just wasn't into me.

 

There were others, but I don't want to go into all that. At any rate, I met someone in a chat room that lives here in Vegas, too. After a couple of weeks of talking on the phone quite a bit, I decided I wanted to meet him. But before I could, he took his alcoholic ex-girlfriend back, so he can cater to her every whim and buy her beer while she lays on his couch all day and refuses to work.

 

So I'm giving up, for awhile at least anyway. I'm tired of all the roller coaster ups and downs of men. They say everyone has a soul mate? -- I think mine died a long time ago.

[Lyssa]

I can relate to that.

 

My ex broke up with me 3 yrs ago. I only got over him about early this year. Yeah how sad!

 

I dated a few in between those 3 yrs. Gosh, I wish I didn't!! Some were arrogant to the max, some just wanted to get into my pants which 2 actually said "let's have sex and see where it goes from there.. maybe we can actually have a r/ship" - you should have seen the look on my face and the bruise on his!

 

Anyway, I met last Nov. He kinda helped me got over my ex. The thing is, he's married and we're in a LDR. How cool is that? LOL. The thing is, he is everything that my dream guy is. Too bad he's married. I still date now and then but yeah, no one comes close to him.

 

Everyone has a soul mate, I still believe in that. I think it is him. Anything can happen...

 

With that being said, I'm sure you'll meet someone. I seriously advice you not to give up! Or you know how they always say it, when you least expect it, that's when love turns up! In a way, that was what happened. My MM was there for me all along but I didn't realise until a few months we got to know each other. So anything CAN happen....

[starbuckmacintyre]

There is someone for everyone and frankly, I think we spend far too much time *searching* for him/her when we should simply focus on *living* one day at a time. We also live in a period of our history where people want immediate gratification and that simply can't happen in the wonderful world of love and romance. Women need to understand some basic rules about men:

 

Rule 1) Guys are basically lazy - it's why we're content to leave our dirty underwear in the corner of the bedroom when the hamper is two feet away.

Rule 2) Guys know that women tear themselves inside out wondering how to land us - it's why we're aloof and it's one of the reasons we don't call.

Rule 3) Guys like to acquire things, but never a relationship. We like shiny objects and kicked up video game systems and wide-screen TV's. If we fall in love, it's often because in spite of our acquisition of worldly possessions, we come to a point in life where it's nice to have someone to come home to and you can only watch so many reruns of The Surreal Life, before we start to believe the entire world is insane.

Rule 4) If you want us to open up, engage us in discussion when we're doing something... you know, like car repair or plumbing. The car or the leaky faucet is our security blanket and it allows us to be honest about our feelings just long enough for the compression fitting to leak all over the place, thus bailing us out of a deep discussion.

Rule 5) You aren't going to find Mr. Right during a non-threatening coffee date. If a guy wants to be with you, honey; he's going to be sleeping on your doorstep. He'll move heaven and earth just to smell your hair or see your shining eyes as you walk out the door of your apartment.

[FleshNBones]

At least you are getting dates.

[melodymatters]

I liked your post starbuck ! And as for the OP I can SO relate. My recent question to myself has been : has the quality of men REALLY declined that much lately, or have I just gotten wiser and pickier ???

 

I realize the irony of writing this next statement on a computer, over the internet, but I really think that virtual communication has ruined peoples real life communication skills !!! Do you agree ?

[underpants]

I liked your post starbuck ! And as for the OP I can SO relate. My recent question to myself has been : has the quality of men REALLY declined that much lately, or have I just gotten wiser and pickier ???

 

I realize the irony of writing this next statement on a computer, over the internet, but I really think that virtual communication has ruined peoples real life communication skills !!! Do you agree ?

 

Ditto Starbuck, nice post.

 

I can also relate. If it seems like too much work then it might be time to take a step back.

 

Virtual communication? I'm torn on this. It might be derserve a discussion of it's own. I think in someways it enhances communication skills. To use starbuck's post as an example (IRL) who knows, if he would have been communicative enough to so elequotely explain his side of situations. Some people are very non-verbal and writing or typing a point of view might be a great way to express that.

 

In other ways virtual communication may hamper and often leads to miscommunication or just down right manipulativeness (insert random myspace horror story).

[melodymatters]

Well genuis or not, skunky, you are a wise woman ! I think it's not so much that peoples communications skills suffer, as that it's become a fast food world. No one bothers to write even a FEW "get to know you e-mails", It's all Here's my cell - xxx-xxxx hit me up" and even then they abbreviate ! Or someone acting like they want to get to know you, and then it's "what r u doin' tonite" at like midnight !

 

" Not inviting YOUR horney ass over is what !!!!!!

[underpants]

Well genuis or not, skunky, you are a wise woman ! I think it's not so much that peoples communications skills suffer, as that it's become a fast food world. No one bothers to write even a FEW "get to know you e-mails", It's all Here's my cell - xxx-xxxx hit me up" and even then they abbreviate ! Or someone acting like they want to get to know you, and then it's "what r u doin' tonite" at like midnight !

 

" Not inviting YOUR horney ass over is what !!!!!!

 

The genius thing is a joke with Riddler. Actually I need to go play with my options as I am sure everyone is tired of my stinky fun.

 

Thanks and back at you on the wise thing. Funny how that happens with experience. Oh well I guess alot of wisdoms have a price. Pays to be a quick study.

 

I agree with you about the candy bar, microwave relationship mentality. Is this a result of technology, maybe. It was kind of awesome that I found this box of old love letters in the attic of my friends rental house. Love letters from the 40s, WW2. I was like...dial up, ha. There was a his box and a her box. There were pictures (one she cut his head off). Of course we didn't read them all and it was late, but what a find.

 

It would be nice to be...courted.

[Trialbyfire]

There were pictures (one she cut his head off).

:lmao:

 

So much more effective than photochopping, unless you're into graphics and want to create a stump...

 

I think it's a great idea to give up searching. Better to relax and enjoy the personal freedom of not having to factor anyone else into your day.

[melodymatters]

I SO agree with everything you gals are saying ! I think for me, it's the noticable difference between meeting guys via the comp. 10 yrs ago to now.

 

Then, they wrote, LOTS, kind of like those long ago love letters you found unders, and we formed friendships via those letters. Then a few months of phone calls, and then even if we weren't a love connection, they were good people and we stayed friends.

 

 

versus...myspace....need I say more, LOl. Even match.com, people write ONE letter, you write them back, and it's either the cell phone hook up or they dissapear. And it's not like I'm a terrible "return e-mail writer" !

 

Whats up with that, why do they bother ? They found my pic and profile interesting enough to write me the first time. I reply in kind and.....nothing.

 

I just don't undertstand the ADD attention span I guess

[underpants]

I SO agree with everything you gals are saying ! I think for me, it's the noticable difference between meeting guys via the comp. 10 yrs ago to now.

 

Then, they wrote, LOTS, kind of like those long ago love letters you found unders, and we formed friendships via those letters. Then a few months of phone calls, and then even if we weren't a love connection, they were good people and we stayed friends.

 

 

versus...myspace....need I say more, LOl. Even match.com, people write ONE letter, you write them back, and it's either the cell phone hook up or they dissapear. And it's not like I'm a terrible "return e-mail writer" !

 

Whats up with that, why do they bother ? They found my pic and profile interesting enough to write me the first time. I reply in kind and.....nothing.

 

I just don't undertstand the ADD attention span I guess

 

Now a part of me want to say we are romanticizing the past.

 

TBF, funny. Who would have known what she would have done with current technology (the gilted creative one said). However, there were many more letters in the box. Funny how my hand went to this area by sheer chance (looks at the moon). It may have been a communication/insecurity resolution...there were a whole lot more letters and my curiosity was peaked, and I was reading from the his box. I left them (her house/her find) but we did talk about a party where we would read them to each other and any friends that wanted in. If I ever find out what happened I will let you know. I did acquire a coffee coupon that expired in 1980. (Fill it to the rim with Brim, remember that ad).

 

Match. I have a match experiment from a long time ago. I made 2 profiles and noticed which guys answered both ads. Some guys cast a wide net and have a standard.....line/first email. Just so you know fellows, that is kind of dumb, practical but dumb. One guy asked me for pictures alot, then more pictures, then told me he knew the girl he was going to marry and then for more pictures. Yucko. I remember a mass email once to I guess all the ladies. It was a warning about a guy that I guess used her for a ONS and she was that mad. It just turned me off of the whole site.

[JaneInVegas]

In response to one of the posters, no, I'm not giving up entirely. I'm just taking a break from the whole dating scene for awhile. How long? ... who knows.

 

My ex-boyfriend has been sporadically (sp?) calling me the past couple of weeks, which hasn't helped much. I still have feelings for him, but he now has another girlfriend. I'm thinking of changing my cell phone number just to give my heart a much needed break ...

[East of Jupiter]

In response to one of the posters, no, I'm not giving up entirely. I'm just taking a break from the whole dating scene for awhile. How long? ... who knows.

 

My ex-boyfriend has been sporadically (sp?) calling me the past couple of weeks, which hasn't helped much. I still have feelings for him, but he now has another girlfriend. I'm thinking of changing my cell phone number just to give my heart a much needed break ...

 

They say you find what you need when you aren't looking. I think there is some truth in that.

 

I like the car analogy. You decide you want to buy a particular car. From that moment on, you can't believe how many of those cars are on the road. Everywhere you go, there it is. And your desire for that car increases until you will have nothing else but that car.

 

On the other hand, you can't afford that car or the model is no longer available. You start looking at the other cars you didn't pay attention to but none really excite you. Eventually you find a car that fits your needs and you do like eve if it isn't your first choice. Your car turns out to be a great find! Something you would have overlooked because you were so focused on that one model.

 

-------

 

I am one of those people who does not believe that there is just ONE person for you in a lifetime. I also believe that you can love more than ONE person with the same intensity. I think we simply think it is not possible and go about the business of self-prophecy.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would explore my passions. If your passion is travel, join a travel group and go! If you like gardening, do that!

 

One example for me was a volunteer archaeological program. They were looking for volunteers for a dig in Jamaica. You would be housed in an original plantation and getting to know the history of the country. Chances are that I would have met many people with my same interest and even if not a mate, maybe a network of people that may lead to someone outside of your own personal network.

 

There are a lot of such volunteer travel opportunities out there for anyone interested.

[Geoffrey]

I'm feeling like I'm too old (42) and jaded to play this dating game anymore. I've spent the last year just working on me (moved to Florida, started a FANTASTIC new career, quit smoking and drinking, started REALLY taking care of myself --including regular exercise --and getting CONTROL of ALL areas of my life) and I really LIKE where I am in life right now.

 

I'm sorry to sound so negative here, and this next comment probably doesn't apply to everyone, but most women I have met lately in my age group have managed to either DESTROY their own lives (bankruptcy, addictions, crippling emotional issues that were never resolved) by their early to mid 40s, or simply have no idea of what a healthy, loving, relationship looks like, and keep bouncing around wondering why they can't find a nice man to share their lives with.

 

Most of what I read on these threads is a litany of misery. I don't want to trivialize anyone's genuine pain, I have been there myself (if you do a search on my name you can see what I endured here about a year and a half ago - it was HORRIBLE!). If you hang in there, it will be all right....but you must help it along, too! God doesn't move all the pieces on the board...you can move some too. I understand.

 

When I moved down here, I left a lot of people behind....ones who (in the long run) really weren't good for me, and weren't getting anywhere in life. Sometimes we must change our playground, and change our playmates if you REALLY want to see some forward movement in your life. It's true. I no longer care about finding "that perfect match," because I like my life now....and when you only have yourself to answer to....it's MUCH SIMPLER!!!

 

Best of success and happiness to all. May you find what you are seeking!

[illusions]

Ugh, I dont want to date after reading all this.

[birdie]

There is someone for everyone and frankly, I think we spend far too much time *searching* for him/her when we should simply focus on *living* one day at a time. We also live in a period of our history where people want immediate gratification and that simply can't happen in the wonderful world of love and romance. Women need to understand some basic rules about men:

 

Rule 1) Guys are basically lazy - it's why we're content to leave our dirty underwear in the corner of the bedroom when the hamper is two feet away.

Rule 2) Guys know that women tear themselves inside out wondering how to land us - it's why we're aloof and it's one of the reasons we don't call.

Rule 3) Guys like to acquire things, but never a relationship. We like shiny objects and kicked up video game systems and wide-screen TV's. If we fall in love, it's often because in spite of our acquisition of worldly possessions, we come to a point in life where it's nice to have someone to come home to and you can only watch so many reruns of The Surreal Life, before we start to believe the entire world is insane.

Rule 4) If you want us to open up, engage us in discussion when we're doing something... you know, like car repair or plumbing. The car or the leaky faucet is our security blanket and it allows us to be honest about our feelings just long enough for the compression fitting to leak all over the place, thus bailing us out of a deep discussion.

Rule 5) You aren't going to find Mr. Right during a non-threatening coffee date. If a guy wants to be with you, honey; he's going to be sleeping on your doorstep. He'll move heaven and earth just to smell your hair or see your shining eyes as you walk out the door of your apartment.

 

1) yep, unfortunately true

 

2) thank god not all men think like that, the ones that do are often delusional (no offence)

 

3) maybe if you are a gadget man

 

4) very true

 

5) no, that's the definition of a stalker

[ftheunion]

Don't ever buy into that yankee lie: There's someone out there for everyone. My one and only gf I ever had was my soulmate according to this one astronomy book, so dunno what to say about that.

 

It's just evolutionary junk.