feelings for my ex, back for sex or vulnerbaility? do i tell my new man?

[nasdxxx]

Hi,

 

I am in anew relationship. slightly over a month. Me and him have known eachother for over sixteen years as bestfriends . We grew up in same nieghbourhood and went to school together and sat together etc. We met recently when he is back home on holiday.

 

I am hruting so much because of the absence... He had to go back to college which is thousands of miles and we are unable to meet auntil about December or janaury 2008, due to conlficting college schedules. we both in collgee.

 

I ahd just broken out of a one year relationship and my ex is actively hunting me up sometimes on an hourly basis, (Please dont ask me if he has nothing else to do. He perhaps chooses to reaarange his priorities).

 

I feel so vulnerbale right now that i feel i could end up falling into my ex's lap even when i know its not what i would want to see myself doing or even dreaming that i did.

 

I left my ex, because of conflicting priorities and placed my emetions elsewhere....

 

I am ina relationship that i wnat now. I just dont know how to fight off the temptation which is in my face everyday...

 

Why does love hurt so much like this... and Do i tell my boyfriend about my vulnerability.... will it help if i opened up or will it bring up issues of doubt, him worrying everyday that i might run back to my ex who lives twenty minutes away from me..

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

It is almost August. All you have to do is wait a few months and continue to be in a relationship that you really want and need. Surely you can be strong for a few months.

 

If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your new man to be honest with you? By telling him you can gain strength from him by talking about it. It is unfair not to tell him. There is a reason you broke up with your ex so why would anything change now? Honesty is always the best policy. Good luck.

[nasdxxx]

You are right. yesterday i almost told him, but on second thought i figured i needed to think about it first before jumping at mentioning something that would create some doubt in the relationship... Y

 

ou also guessed right, its not the sex that i miss or crave... Its just the closeness and intimacy and attention that i crave to keep us going. we talk about five/six times a week. i just dont know how to fight off the huge temptation in my face...

 

and sometimes my boyfriend doesnt call (its cheaper for him to call me, and also i am somewhat traditional girl who believes in the old rules of dating- thats men do the pursuing and therefore he should be calling more) just because he wnats to build anticipation for the next time he calls.

 

He often tells me, he just didnt want to call because "he thought some silence would be good for both of us"

 

Now during those times i just get low and then, my super "ex" boyfriend keeps calling and i ignore his calls and on the nth time i find myself answering...HOW DO I BEAT OFF THIS TEMPTATION?

[rumours83]

You are right. yesterday i almost told him, but on second thought i figured i needed to think about it first before jumping at mentioning something that would create some doubt in the relationship... Y

 

ou also guessed right, its not the sex that i miss or crave... Its just the closeness and intimacy and attention that i crave to keep us going. we talk about five/six times a week. i just dont know how to fight off the huge temptation in my face...

 

and sometimes my boyfriend doesnt call (its cheaper for him to call me, and also i am somewhat traditional girl who believes in the old rules of dating- thats men do the pursuing and therefore he should be calling more) just because he wnats to build anticipation for the next time he calls.

 

He often tells me, he just didnt want to call because "he thought some silence would be good for both of us"

 

Now during those times i just get low and then, my super "ex" boyfriend keeps calling and i ignore his calls and on the nth time i find myself answering...HOW DO I BEAT OFF THIS TEMPTATION?

 

Do you suffer from low self esteem? If you can't last a couple of months without "intimacy"then you sound a bit co-dependent, when you feel low can't you do something fro yourself that does not involve your boyfriend or ex to cheer you up? Plus if you are that easily temped just by a ringing phone then perhaps your feelings for your boyfriend aren't that strong. If I were in the same situation and my other half was away for a while i wouldn't be tempted by anything, in fact an ex constantly calling would totally annoy me - i would consider it harassment, but you seem to be welcoming it. I know at the beginning of a relationship you want to be with each other all the time, but from the sounds of it your boyfriend calls you quite frequently. Instead of speaking to your boyfriend about it, why don't you firmly tell your ex to stop calling as you are not interested in a relationship with him? If that is what you want, to be honest you don't sound like you are ready for a committed relationship with either of them, and assuming they are both nice guys you are playing them. Do you ever answer the phone and speak to your ex? If so, what do you talk about?