I love my mother, but don't like the person she is

[1stchild]

It seems to be to late to ask about this. I do love my mother because I was taught to love and honor my parents. I just don't like my mother as a person. She hates my father that she has been divocered from for over 15 years. My mom also dosn't like me for what I am. Mom thinks that I work too hard in the business that my husband and I have. She is always giving my two younger brothers so much love. When we are in a room together she will totally ignore me.

 

The other day she told me that I was so much like my father...I told her thank you.

 

I love both of my parents and try to do as much as I can for them. Both of them are in their 80's now.

 

I hate to talk about this in a public forum, but has anybody out there had the same feelings.

 

I felt validated when a neigbor that we'd had for years told me that I couldn't do anything right according to my Mom even when I was only 6 years old.

 

It was terrible to me when I had found out that my Mom blamed me for her getting nervous and getting shingles after she had attacked what she thought that my daughter had done to her.

 

Please HELP. I've told my adult childern that if I ever do that to them to just shoot me.

 

Just call me sick & tired of being put down as being fat and stupid.

 

Thanks

[IfWishesWereHorses]

That's terrible for you. I have a friend who says that her mother treated her like that. Told her that she was an embarrassment to the family. She ended up being the one to move her in and take care of her in her convelescence. Her mom as been dead for years and she still has issues with it.

 

I believe my H's mom treats the boys a hundred times better than the girls but she's never put them down that I have witnessed. Have you talked to someone about this professionally?

[quankanne]

I know how conflicted you're feeling right now, but believe you me, it's a GOOD thing to be able to distinguish love for a family member and completely opposite feelings for their behavior. Sometimes, that's the only way to keep your sanity, so don't beat yourself up over this ...

 

give yourself peace and just let it go as much and as often as you can – at this stage in her life, she's not likely to change, but you still have the ability to do so, even if it's just to let her negative comments flow over you like water. It's a shame that she's never really gotten to know or love you for who you are, but the burden is on her – NOT YOU – to have changed that.

 

if anything, let her poor/odd/hurtful behavior help you be a better mom to your own children, and a more supportive one of them, too. Because honestly? It's not what you look like or who you know or what you wear, but the stuff inside that draws people to you ... and your mom sounds like she's nver figured that out.

 

hugs,

q

[SierraMarie]

It seems to be to late to ask about this. I do love my mother because I was taught to love and honor my parents. I just don't like my mother as a person. She hates my father that she has been divocered from for over 15 years. My mom also dosn't like me for what I am. Mom thinks that I work too hard in the business that my husband and I have. She is always giving my two younger brothers so much love. When we are in a room together she will totally ignore me.

 

The other day she told me that I was so much like my father...I told her thank you.

 

I love both of my parents and try to do as much as I can for them. Both of them are in their 80's now.

 

I hate to talk about this in a public forum, but has anybody out there had the same feelings.

 

I felt validated when a neigbor that we'd had for years told me that I couldn't do anything right according to my Mom even when I was only 6 years old.

 

It was terrible to me when I had found out that my Mom blamed me for her getting nervous and getting shingles after she had attacked what she thought that my daughter had done to her.

 

Please HELP. I've told my adult childern that if I ever do that to them to just shoot me.

 

Just call me sick & tired of being put down as being fat and stupid.

 

Thanks

 

 

I can relate. You basically just described my mom. It's horrible when someone (especially your own mother) accuses you of things that aren't true, puts you down, etc.

 

I love my mother but I really don't like her. I can hardly stand to be around her. I guess I just can't stand to think of all of the things she has said to me in the past. I'm only 18 and my mom has been like this for several years. She would even drink a lot and that would make it a lot worse. But I'm sure that's a completely different problem.

 

Well, I really don't know what to tell you. You can't really change people no matter how bad you want to. They can only change themselves.

 

How long has your mom been like this? Did this just start happening a few years ago?

[Hestia]

Yes 1stchild, I'm on the same boat as you are. I'm sorry that it is happening to you too but it's conforting to know that I'm not alone on this.

 

I love my mother...well... because she is my mother. If she was any other person I would detest her. I always wanted to have my friends mother instead since I was little, because they all respected me and loved me more than my own.

She is a horrible person to me. She yells at me and ignores me all the time. She is also very vindictive to me. Everytime I ask her for something doesn't matter what (even if it is about the weather), she usually turns her face and pretends she didnt hear me.

Ever since I know her she was like this so it's not her midlife crisis. When I was a teenager and even as a child I remember dreading the end of classes because I knew I would get home and my mother would be waiting for me to punish me for something. I was terrified of her.

i don't know why she is like that to me. I always respected her and was always nice to her. Maybe she is just a bitter person, I don't know.

 

What hurts me more is that she is the most adorable mother to both my brothers and to her husband, so it's not that she has a problem in being affectionate. It's just me that she can't love.

 

I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you because I'm in need of advice too. Hang in there okay? You're not alone.

[1stchild]

I just had a visit to the office where I work from my Dad. He is just the greatest person, tough but lovable.

 

My mother has issues that she cannot see. It is her way or the highway.

 

Mom couldn't accept the fact that I was a person in my own right. One of the last comments that she made to me that she thought would be hurtful to me was that I was just like my dad. What she doesn't realize is that she taught me to be strong. I told my mom thanks and I think that that was kind of confusing to her. What she dosn't seem to realize that I do love both of my parents even though they are divorced.

 

It really upsets me still when they put down each other. It's kind of like they are letting me that part of me is bad.

 

You have to understand that my parents are in their 80's. Hurt is still Hurt:o

 

I'm also a divorced parent, am very happily married to my 2nd husband we have a very well blended famiy of six children between the two of us.

 

I just cannot figure my Mom out. She is almost like a Drama Queen from the 1940's or a Norman Rockwell painting.

 

Thanks for allowing me to vent

 

1st Child

[1stchild]

Love all of the support. Nice to know that I'm okay with this. And yes I've been through therapy.

 

My ex-husand of 16 years battered me both physcally, emotioally and mentally.

 

Was single for many years. Kissed a lot of toads and fiinally kissed my prince. We have been though alot together. He spent some time scraping me off of the bathroom floor when my parents where going through their divorce.

[1stchild]

Thanks for the support laughed when I saw your response. Love and Hugs 1st child

[1stchild]

Howdy to Texas,

 

Thanks for the support it is so nice to hear that others feel the same as I do. I'm okay she isn't. My 4 wonderful childern have been rasied to know that they don't have to like me as a person so we've gotten over all of that. Guess what? They all love me for who I am and not just because I'm Mom.

[1stchild]

So very sorry that you have a Mom almost like mine. My Mom is a tea totaller. Have you considered going to AA they have support for childeren of alcholics.

 

Unfortunalty my Mom has been like this to me all of my life. It felt wonderful when I had a person that has known me since I was six years old tell me that in my mother's eyes I couldn't ever do anything right. She wasn't only a neighbor but I also dated her oldest son for a while. Her son that I fell in love with was my first love I was 6 and he was 7... so much for puppy love. Her son is now deceased, died at a very early age, he also turned into a very good friend he was my older brother that I never had.

 

Why does it seem that mothers are so much harder on their daughters than their sons?

 

I really don't expect an answer. I wish you well and hope that this forum will help you.

 

Remember to love yourself, you are a good person and not the person that your mother treats you to be.

 

I was devistated when I came home from Girl Scout camp on my birthday, snooping around for my birthday cake only to find out that my mom had forgotten that it was my birthday. Heck of a way to treat you fist born and only girl child!!

 

Love to you, you're not wrong or a bad person only overlooked.

 

I have one daughter and three sons they are all loved and never forgotten.

 

1stchild