Can we be friends?

[patie]

Is it possible for people to be "just friends" after they break up? Part of me wants me to stay his friend, but the other part tells me to put him completely out of my life. I don't know what I should do. I still love him, but he has another girlfriend. He knows how I feel and still says he would like me to be his friend. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?

[jackie]

yes, it is possible to be his friend. it just takes time. the most important thing is to heal from this relationship first. tell him that you want to be his friend, but that you need some time to be by yourself and that it would be best to not speak or see each other for awhile (a couple weeks, a couple months). if he's serious about being your friend, he'll understand and wait. you need to take care of yourself, and get the space away from him to let go of your love. it'll be really difficult for awhile, but eventually it'll be allright. do something to get your energy moving away from him, like making a list of all the reasons why the relationship sucked and stick it on your fridge. go out with your friends. buy something cute. work out. go out on a few dates. it will pass eventually, and then you truly will be able to be a friend, instead on holding onto the memory of your time together. good luck and my best.

Is it possible for people to be "just friends" after they break up? Part of me wants me to stay his friend, but the other part tells me to put him completely out of my life. I don't know what I should do. I still love him, but he has another girlfriend. He knows how I feel and still says he would like me to be his friend. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?

[John]

Do you want to be his friend? THAT is the most important question. Take things in to consideration, like how he treated you when you went out with him.

Is it possible for people to be "just friends" after they break up? Part of me wants me to stay his friend, but the other part tells me to put him completely out of my life. I don't know what I should do. I still love him, but he has another girlfriend. He knows how I feel and still says he would like me to be his friend. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?

[No longer...]

I have some opinions about this subject, given that my current girlfriend and I disagree on this one.

 

I believe forming friendships with EXes is VERY difficult, but this has a lot to do with what your opinion of friendship is. I believe a friend is someone who is on the same emotional page as you are -- in other words, they (or you) have no ulterior motives, no jealousy if he/she talks about who they're dating now, you don't secretly wish something "more" might happen, and you can talk to them without missing what you once had. A friend is also someone whose advice you trust because it is OBJECTIVE. Hard to get objective opinions sometimes from former lovers. Finally, will the friendship hurt you or him? No point in being friends if it hurts either of you.

 

But the big question for yourself is whether you believe you can be close to this person without having the same feelings that made you want to date him in the first place. I didn't even pretend that I could be friends with my EX girlfriend, the only way both of us could get over each other was to cut all communication. I have dated others and remained friends -- but I never really fell in love with any of them. And in those cases, we still had to not talk for a few months before we were able to feel comfortable with each other again.

 

So my advice is that if you WANT a friendship, first take a break, get over the romance, start to feel better. And then down the road, worry about forming a friendship. You can't "get over" someone by continuing to talk to them. Good Luck!

Is it possible for people to be "just friends" after they break up? Part of me wants me to stay his friend, but the other part tells me to put him completely out of my life. I don't know what I should do. I still love him, but he has another girlfriend. He knows how I feel and still says he would like me to be his friend. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?

[Catriona]

No, you cannot be friends. We all wish it could happen, but after you have been intimate with someone and one of the two still has romantic feelings for the other, this is a guaranteed recipe for disaster. You have to make a complete break and get on with your life. Being friends with an ex is an oxymoron-it is something nice for one person to say, but never can really happen. I know it hurts, but let it go. Completely.

Is it possible for people to be "just friends" after they break up? Part of me wants me to stay his friend, but the other part tells me to put him completely out of my life. I don't know what I should do. I still love him, but he has another girlfriend. He knows how I feel and still says he would like me to be his friend. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?

[Bee]

This is also a question I have been asking others (myself) recently. Can you be friends with someone who used to love you (both of you may not be involved with each other before)

 

I have told this guy (who likes me) that I hope we can just be friends. He stressed that he will try his best but it is very difficult. It is very hard to convert love into friendship (these are the exact words he said).

 

Although your situation is slightly different from mine, I guess it is really hard to achieve. I mean, why do you really want to be his friend ? Is it for memory sake ? Or do you just want him to become another part of your 'friends collection' ? Or do you want to be friends with him because you feel that you share the same 'emotional frequency'.

 

I guess the bottomline maybe that man is selfish. We want the best of both worlds, ie, not being lovers but being friends. *Sigh*