I almost cheated. What do I do now?

[daterhater]

I have a boyfriend of two years who I love. In January, I developed a small crush on his friend BOB. It kept growing and growing unfortunately. I could go a month without seeing him and it would be renewed instantly. I hated myself for it.

 

This weekend my bf left me behind with his friend BOB who I like and another friend BILLY.

 

To make a long story short, at the end of the night we're at Billy's house. Me and Bob are having a heart to heart and I tell him how unsure of my relationship I am and start to tear up like a dumbass. He tells me not to worry because I'm a great person and to just keep being great. BOB ends up crying too. I was so drunk, that I don't totally remember why he cried or what we were talking about to lead up to it. I do remember hugging him and holding him. Weird. I woke up and I was laying on the floor next to him on the couch.

 

So the next day I wake up and don't mention the night before AT ALL. We were both drunk. I think I might have come on to him. Even in my drunk state, I didn't come right out and tell him I'm in love with him. Or wait. What if I did?

 

WHAT DO I DO NOW? DO I WRITE HIM AND APOLOGIZE? DO I TELL MY BOYFRIEND? DOES THIS EVEN NEED TO BE DISCUSSED?

 

SHOULD IS AY ANYTHING TO HIM ABOUT IT? SHOULD I ASK IF I CAME ONTO HIM? SHOULD I APOLOGIZE? SHOULD I SEE IF HE REMEMBERS ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED?

[Capricorn]

You need to decide who you really want to be with. You didn't sleep with the guy so really theres nothing to tell your boyfriend, you didn't cheat but in a way your having an emotional affair. You need to talk to your boyfriend and work things out and in the mean time try to stay away from the other guy before you do something you regret!

[daterhater]

I can't have what I really want. I want my boyfriend to be my best friend and this guy to be my boyfriend.

 

Of course that is impossible. Do you think him crying meant he liked me and knew he couldn't do anything about it?

 

I am trying hard to read this guy and figure out where I stand with him. He tells me I'm great all the time and seems excited to see me.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a perfectly decent boyfriend I could end up marrying, but then I think of my wedding night and how sad I'd be getting married to my boyfriend never knowing if BOB could have been the one for me.

 

I won't tell my boyfriend, but should I clear things up with the other guy? Is it stupid to ask what I did while I was drunk?

[Trialbyfire]

What in the world....

 

Perhaps it's time for you to think about someone else besides yourself. If you can't remain faithful to your b/f, get out of the relationship. To even consider marriage while lusting after his friend is pretty low, don't you think?

[daterhater]

What in the world....

 

Perhaps it's time for you to think about someone else besides yourself. If you can't remain faithful to your b/f, get out of the relationship. To even consider marriage while lusting after his friend is pretty low, don't you think?

 

No, it's not low. My boyfriend and I are best friends and I could see being with him forever. I just so happen to be attracted to someone else who is awesome. Doesn't mean my boyfriend is any less awesome or any less of a match for me. I like to keep my options over while I am an unmarried woman.

 

I know several friends who met their current bf/gf while in serious relationships with other people. They are SO much happier now. All of them. At this point in my life, I need to put myself first.

[daterhater]

sorry, options open not over.

[daterhater]

What in the world....

 

Perhaps it's time for you to think about someone else besides yourself. If you can't remain faithful to your b/f, get out of the relationship. To even consider marriage while lusting after his friend is pretty low, don't you think?

 

 

Also, I had a male friend who lived with his girlfriend for 3 years. He met another girl on vacation and dumped his live in girlfriend before he got back. The new girl and him are now happily married and just bought a house together. I have never seen a couple more in love. Sometimes ****ty, selfish things have to happen in order to make people more happy in the long run. The girl he dumped is now happily married.

[Trialbyfire]

Also, I had a male friend who lived with his girlfriend for 3 years. He met another girl on vacation and dumped his live in girlfriend before he got back. The new girl and him are now happily married and just bought a house together. I have never seen a couple more in love. Sometimes ****ty, selfish things have to happen in order to make people more happy in the long run. The girl he dumped is now happily married.

Optimum sentence. At least he had couth, instead of stringing multiple people along while in an exclusive relationship.

[daterhater]

Optimum sentence. At least he had couth, instead of stringing multiple people along while in an exclusive relationship.

 

 

i'm not stringing along anyway. my boyfriend and i broke up twice in the last three months. we are back together, but there are no guarantees in life. i am with my boyfriend because i love and care about him. that doesn't mean i can't ponder what life would be like with another guy. i never KISSED this guy. my friend actually kissed the girl he met THEN dumped his girlfriend. if i had kissed this guy, i'd dump my boyfriend because i don't deserve him.

[Trialbyfire]

i'm not stringing along anyway. my boyfriend and i broke up twice in the last three months. we are back together, but there are no guarantees in life. i am with my boyfriend because i love and care about him. that doesn't mean i can't ponder what life would be like with another guy. i never KISSED this guy. my friend actually kissed the girl he met THEN dumped his girlfriend. if i had kissed this guy, i'd dump my boyfriend because i don't deserve him.

 

So the next day I wake up and don't mention the night before AT ALL. We were both drunk. I think I might have come on to him. Even in my drunk state, I didn't come right out and tell him I'm in love with him. Or wait. What if I did?

 

Oh? Let me guess. "I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing so it's okay."

 

Look. If you want the friend, let your b/f go. I don't think anything lasts forever but if you're not committed and considering your b/f an option instead of a priority within an exclusive relationship, you have problems.

 

Btw, I don't care about what your b/f has done to you. It's about what you do with yourself that matters.

[daterhater]

Oh? Let me guess. "I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing so it's okay."

 

Look. If you want the friend, let your b/f go. I don't think anything lasts forever but if you're not committed and considering your b/f an option instead of a priority within an exclusive relationship, you have problems.

 

Btw, I don't care about what your b/f has done to you. It's about what you do with yourself that matters.

 

Thanks for being sassy, I need it. Drinking is not an excuse obviously. It was stupid. I remember 40% of what happened once we got back to the house because of the alcohol. That's bad. I made this post because I don't know if I should pretend I don't remember a thing and never bring this up to "BOB" again or try to contact him through e-mail or text and ask what happened. Since we are friends and will run into eachother again because of my boyfriend, I am not sure if it needs to be address. I won't know how to act around him next time.

 

I am trying to figure out why he cried. Also, I am very embarrassed for hugging and trying to comfort him like a girlfriend would. I crossed the line and put him in a weird position.

 

Where do I go from here?

[daterhater]

The things we do when we are drunk are things we want to do sober but know not to do because we can recognize the outcome. That is what I think.

 

So if I did hug him and invade his personal space, being drunk is not an excuse for it. It just shows my true, embarrassing colors.

 

I can't be like "HA HA! I THINK YOU'RE GROSS AND LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. I DIDN'T KNOW WHO YOU WERE WHEN I WAS DRUNK."

 

The truth is, "Oh crap, I have a crush on you and tried so hard to hide it and be a good girlfriend, but I messed up big time"

[daterhater]

So yeah, my main question is this....

 

 

1. Should I e-mail him?

 

2. Should I never bring this up to BOB ever again?

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks for being sassy, I need it. Drinking is not an excuse obviously. It was stupid. I remember 40% of what happened once we got back to the house because of the alcohol. That's bad. I made this post because I don't know if I should pretend I don't remember a thing and never bring this up to "BOB" again or try to contact him through e-mail or text and ask what happened. Since we are friends and will run into eachother again because of my boyfriend, I am not sure if it needs to be address. I won't know how to act around him next time.

 

I am trying to figure out why he cried. Also, I am very embarrassed for hugging and trying to comfort him like a girlfriend would. I crossed the line and put him in a weird position.

 

Where do I go from here?

If you're going to make it right, talk to the friend. Tell him you were drunk and off your rocker, that none of it meant anything.

 

Tell your b/f about it too, so he doesn't get blindsided. Don't be surprised if his friend tells him about it in the future.

 

Either commit to the b/f or leave the relationship.

 

As a final possibility, are you and your b/f certain you want a committed relationship, instead of an open one? If you're both in agreement that exclusivity doesn't matter, then both of you can have your cake and eat it too. Remember, you have no right to force non-exclusivity onto your b/f.

[daterhater]

If I proposed an open relationship to my boyfriend, he would break up with me. I would like an open relationship I think. The hypocritical thing is, I wouldn't want him to be able to make out with other girls. I also know open relationships USUALLY end up in disaster. That would be a lose-lose for us.

 

This guy is a few years older than me. Is it not immature and lame for a 24 year old to e-mail him telling him how drunk she was?

[Sal Paradise]

you didn't cheat but in a way your having an emotional affair.

 

An emotional affair is cheating and she needs to tell her boyfriend. He has a right to know.

[Sal Paradise]

If I proposed an open relationship to my boyfriend, he would break up with me. I would like an open relationship I think. The hypocritical thing is, I wouldn't want him to be able to make out with other girls.

 

Of course you wouldn't want that because you're the classic "Cake-Eater". You want your cake and to eat it to. You're far too immature to be in a relationship right now. Break up with before you destroy him. He deserves better.

[daterhater]

Of course you wouldn't want that because you're the classic "Cake-Eater". You want your cake and to eat it to. You're far too immature to be in a relationship right now. Break up with before you destroy him. He deserves better.

 

Yes, I am a cake-eater. I want everything.

[Sal Paradise]

Yes, I am a cake-eater. I want everything.

 

Then you have no choice but to break up with him. If you don't sleep with his friend it will be someone else. It's bad enough that you want to sleep with someone else but the fact that you want to do it with one of his friends is even worse. The only thing worse than that would be sleeping with his brother (if he had one). It doesn't get more selfish than that. What you're basically saying is it isn't safe for him to bring his friends around you or for you to have male friends. You're not only destroying his heart and relationship, you're taking a friend from him as well.

 

If you care about this guy on any level you must break up with him. Under no circumstances is he going to let you sleep with other guys while you're with him. Nor should he have to. If you don't break up with and tell him what you did you have no right to say you love him or care about him. Put yourself in his shoes and him in yours. If he tried to hook up with one of your friends how would you feel? If he wanted an open relationship how would you feel? You would feel like crap thats how. You would feel like you weren't good enough. It would destroy your self-esteem and possibly ruin your future relationships.

 

I don't know if you understand (because you're young and immature) the consequences of your actions and the potential consequences of your future actions (if you stay with this guy you will probably physically cheat on him). You have no right to do this to this guy. You have admitted that he isn't enough for you. You have admitted that you want to sleep with other guys. If you stay in the relationship and deceive him any further you're willingly setting out to hurt him. There is no way you claim otherwise.

[bish]

I have a boyfriend of two years who I love. In January, I developed a small crush on his friend BOB. It kept growing and growing unfortunately. I could go a month without seeing him and it would be renewed instantly. I hated myself for it.

 

This weekend my bf left me behind with his friend BOB who I like and another friend BILLY.

 

To make a long story short, at the end of the night we're at Billy's house. Me and Bob are having a heart to heart and I tell him how unsure of my relationship I am and start to tear up like a dumbass.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? DO I WRITE HIM AND APOLOGIZE? DO I TELL MY BOYFRIEND? DOES THIS EVEN NEED TO BE DISCUSSED?

 

SHOULD IS AY ANYTHING TO HIM ABOUT IT? SHOULD I ASK IF I CAME ONTO HIM? SHOULD I APOLOGIZE? SHOULD I SEE IF HE REMEMBERS ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED?

 

You break up with your boyfriend so he can move on. I mean, come on...get real. You say you love your boyfriend, but only because you came face to face alone with this other guy and get your panties all wet you tell him you are unsure of your relationship?

 

Sounds like you change your mind about your relationship depending on who you are alone with.

 

Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him before you really DO cheat on him.

[bish]

No, it's not low. My boyfriend and I are best friends and I could see being with him forever. I just so happen to be attracted to someone else who is awesome. Doesn't mean my boyfriend is any less awesome or any less of a match for me. I like to keep my options over while I am an unmarried woman.

 

That makes you one completely selfish person.

 

Your boyfriend deserves better. Let him go so he can find it.

[daterhater]

well maybe I do have a problem. maybe no one will be enough for me.

[Sal Paradise]

well maybe I do have a problem. maybe no one will be enough for me.

 

Which means you should break up with your boyfriend and see a psychologist. Its also possible that its because you're young and not ready to be tied down to one guy. Regardless of the reason you need to break up with him. You have no right to hurt him because of your selfishness. Staying with him will only cause him pain. You have no self control and you will eventually hurt him. Don't ruin his life.

[daterhater]

also, it doesn't have anything to do with me wanting sex because i don't really want to have sex with a bunch of guys. this is not the case at all.

 

i want to find true, passionate love and hold hands and hug and live happily ever after. i don't want to do a bunch of guys. i want to find the love of my life. i'm not going to close my eyes to the possibility of other guys when i'm unmarried. i know it's ****ty to date a boyfriend's friend, but if he's the one for me and i'm the one for him, then there's probably someone made for my boyfriend. we'd all live happily ever eventually. but perhaps i'm an idiot and my boyfriend and i belong together and i'm just too scared to accept that at this age.

[daterhater]

Which means you should break up with your boyfriend and see a psychologist. Its also possible that its because you're young and not ready to be tied down to one guy. Regardless of the reason you need to break up with him. You have no right to hurt him because of your selfishness. Staying with him will only cause him pain. You have no self control and you will eventually hurt him. Don't ruin his life.

 

but 70% of my waking moments, I want to be with my boyfriend. every relationships go through a period of doubt, right? i don't want to ruin his life. i am just really confused now. i don't think there are enough problems for me to break up with him yet. we always have fun when we hang out with eachother.