Jealous of G/f's convo with ex but i'm also a hypocrite

[DavidRoberts]

I've been with my current G/f 6 months now, really love her a lot but last month I wen't out to the pub, and she got drunk at home..

I wen't on my computer when I got home and saw a chat log she'd had with her ex, they were talking on MSN messenger and also on the phone at the same time, about sex and that if we didn't work out she'd meet back with him when we were over and have sex with him.

I confronted her about it and first she denied it, but i wasnt 100% clear on the matter, i elaborated a little more.. then i mentioned the chat log and she came clean that she made a huge mistake and was really sorry.

I basically dumped her on the spot, and she was absolutely ruined, it would seem it totally broke her heart, she broke down. After arguing for a few hours and discussing the whole thing I demanded her to tell me everything that happened, and she basically said it was a drunken mistake, etc.

Seeing as I love her so much I told her i'd give her another chance but I was seeking revenge. A Week later I wen't to an ex myself for a chat about the issue, and it ended up with my ex giving me a handjob to 'make me feel better' at the time I was fuelled with anger at my g/f , there was no kissing, sex or emotions with my ex at the time, and immediately after the handjob I walked out realizing what I did was wrong, however it honestly felt that the anger inside had disapeared, I did feel somewhat guilty but also i felt that i'd got my revenge and was willing to forget about the whole thing.

I haven't told my g/f about the matter, because since it happened it's made me realise how much I do love her and that it was a huge mistake and that it wont happen again.

Things are going great between us now and I can really see a future together, However the anger inside has started to come back again that she conversated about meeting her ex for sex. (I know im a hypocrit but i cant help how my brain works)

I made her delete his contact and block him from MSN, delete his number off her phone and told her never to talk to him again, and to be fair... she hasnt!

I had a discussion with my G/F about her and the ex, and she promises me that after I split with her for a few hours she isnt going to do anything to risk losing me again, and that she's learnt so much from our relationship that she's changed her ways and that she wants to spend the future with me.

I realise my g/f didn't cheat on me but in my head it feels the intent was there, in my head I also feel I haven't 'cheated' on my g/f as there was no sex, kissing or emotion involved.. no feelings, yet one part of me says I did cheat. Meeh.

 

Basically, I really need to get the anger out of my head about my g/f talking dirty on the phone and on the computer and look into the future and realise i have a great thing here.

I also Really need to get it out of my head that she'll do it again, because thats what keeps going through my head, even though I kinda don't think she will, it's still there in the back of my mind.. how can i get rid of it!

[Sal Paradise]

What you did was wrong and you need to tell her that you cheated on her. Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

As for her...

 

She hasn't done anything to earn your trust back. Most would consider what she did to be emotionally cheating (which is just as bad as physical cheating as far as I'm concerned). It sounds like she could be having an on going emotional affair with her ex. If she won't cut off all contact with this guy you two should break up. She is probably still talking about sex with him. There is no reason for her to talk to him, she is with you now.

 

It sounds like to me that both of you are far too immature to be in a serious relationship. You both cheated on each other with an ex. I would suggest both of you cutting off all contact with exes. This is why I won't date someone who is friends or occasionally contacts an ex. It's not worth it and the risk will always be there.

 

From your description of the discussion she had with him it sounds like she wants to have sex with him and is just waiting for an excuse to do it (kind of like you did with the handjob). The first time you guys have a big fight she will run and jump on his ding-a-ling.

 

I think you would both be better off breaking up with each other. As I said before neither of you sound mature enough to be in a serious long-term relationship.