I don't want to lose the love of my life!!

[nicki]

Feelings of abandonment could cause a rape victim to focus on losing the boyfriend. Rape shakes your very foundation and shatters trust. A victim can be afraid of losing everything.

 

And at the core is the feeling that somehow it was the victim's fault and that they somehow "deserved" it. The shame is overwhelming. The feeling of being "damaged" can make the victim feel unlovable.

 

A boyfriend leaving after a rape would be devastating. Another loss of trust.

 

A lot of men can't handle the loss of power associated with their girlfriend's rape. They leave, either physically or emotionally. They can take it personally, somehow, as a reflection on their inability to protect their woman.

 

People can react differently.

 

As for her reaction during the rape, it sounds completely plausible to me. Her focus was on surviving. That is probably why she was passive, in order to save her life.

 

Remember, she DID say that she had a boyfriend and that she didn't want to have sex with this guy. He continued on anyway. That's rape, folks.

 

Even in the case of sex involving an inebriated woman, it is considered rape because the woman is unable to give consent to have sex (although lack of consent can be hard to prove in these cases.)

 

I seriously doubt the poster would have called her boyfriend and told him this story to cover up having sex with a guy. She could have simply said nothing to him and gotten away with it.

 

But, she called him for help. Sounds like rape to me. I'd rather believe her and offer her support than worry about her being a troll. If she is a troll, then she is damaging herself by creating this drama.

 

But, if she is truly a rape victim, then what do we have to lose by believing her and offering her help?

 

So, to the original poster, please go to someone you trust and ask for help. Don't worry about the boyfriend. He can't handle this right now. It's not your fault.

[Spectre]

I see a lot of "a rape victim can feel this way, a rape victim can feel that way" or "this could lead to this type of reaction" trying to explain her behavior, it is moot. Since both sides have points.

 

It doesn't change the fact that she might be lying tho. Just like a girl who cheated on her boyfriend might react in a way and say it was really rape in order to ease her own guilt and gain sympathy, there is no telling. By leaving out vital information in her first post, and changing her details(first he was in jail, then it changed to oh he is out and we are going to court) puts doubt in some peoples mind, and it is a reasonable doubt.

 

Oh, and I have seen many posts where girls cheat and then call their boyfriends afterwards and tell them about it, so the fact that she called him after means nothing. Some people are horrible at keeping secrets and figure it is best to just get it over with, and some people just can't deal with guilt. Why didn't she call him beforehand? Another fishy detail, and one that can't be ignored. Then there is the fact that she seemed more concerned about losing her boyfriend than being raped. Or the simple fact she did not feel it wise to go: Despite the fact that this man was arrested and sent to prison, my boyfriend still did not believe me. That would of added a hell of a lot to her story and her credibility. Then when someone called her on it..she was like oh yeah I got raped and he went to jail.

 

It is true that every rape victim can act different, but I have known girls who have cheated on their bf's and then claimed it was forced upon them. You can never be too sure, and again: it would be different if she mentioned this in her initial post, but she didn't, and that again puts doubt in peoples minds.

 

Next time, don't leave out vital details about the situation and cause people to doubt you, that is all that can really be said.

 

Personally, the fact that she left out vital details that would of done wonders to help convince us her boyfriend truly should of believed her tells me she is lying. Unfortunate since she indeed might of been raped, but as I said, next time give us the whole story right away, instead of making it sound like you are trying to turn a mistake you made into something much more serious.