Cheating...

[nykal]

Guys, I need help

 

I know they say that, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," and "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" (or something like that?) but is it really true? I dated a guy last year and our relationship started off pretty rocky. He's about two years younger than me and we never really got a chance to get to know each other until later on in the relationship. As a result, he ended up cheating on me in the beginning of the relationship because things started off too slowly. He was out of town for spring break and ended up making a move on my best friend. It was just a small kiss (and my friend pushed him away and yelled at him, bless her) and really not a big deal in the big scheme of things, so it actually doesn't bother me so much. I had heard rumors of what he had done, but I chose to ignore them and give him the benefit of the doubt. I asked him once after the trip if he had a thing for my friend, and he said no.

 

He lied, though. There was no more physical contact at all, but he continued to emotionally cheat on me after the kiss, and started chasing after my friend for months and generally saying some pretty nasty things about me behind my back. I didn't find out about any of this until several months after it happened, and by then, he had already completely forgotten my friend and had nothing to do with any other girl.

 

Needless to say though, when I found out, I broke up with him. He was heartbroken (and I felt terrible) and since then, he's been making every effort to make up for what he did. He came completely clean with me after I found out the truth and explained everything that was going on in his mind and everything that happened. Every question I had he answered honestly (or what I think was honestly... They weren't pretty answers so I'm assuming he didn't sugarcoat anything) and he's been concentrating all his efforts on getting me back. I was surprised; he was extremely mature at owning up to everything he did and not making up excuses, and he's also been very good at telling people that ask what happened the truth and not giving some vague answer.

 

So my question in the end is... What should I do? I still like him loads and my heart is telling me to get back together with him and give him a second chance, but my head is telling me I'm stupid and naive and, once a cheater, always a cheater. I've consulted my friends, who are all pretty adamant about me not getting back together with him. I don't know if I should give him a second chance, since he was young, after all, and people do make mistakes. We would work on rebuilding the trust. Or am I really just being naive?

 

Does anyone think this relationship has a chance of working out? Or should I just start getting over him?

 

Sorry about the long post, I'm just at a loss of what to do =S

[Sal Paradise]

he was extremely mature at owning up to everything he did and not making up excuses, and he's also been very good at telling people that ask what happened the truth and not giving some vague answer.

 

If he were mature he would of been honest from the beginning. If he were mature it wouldn't of happened at all.

 

Does anyone think this relationship has a chance of working out? Or should I just start getting over him

 

I don't think it has much of a chance. The guy not only cheated he went after one of you friends. That's pretty damn low and shows that he has no self control or morals. Its bad enough that he can't keep it in his pants but does he have to put it in your friends pants. Not only was he willing to destroy his relationship with you (there is no way he could of thought that you wouldn't find out if he slept with one of your friends) he was willing to destroy the relationship between you and your friend.

 

You're being naive because you want it to work out. You want to believe his BS and lies. No one is worth that kind of heartache. Get out now before you get in any deeper. If you end up married to this guy or have kids with him you will regret it later. What kind of example would this loser be for your kids? A daddy who tried to hook up with one of mommys friends.

 

Also I don't see how him being two years younger would matter. That's not a big age difference at all. Actually its insignificant. Why would that prevent you from getting to know him? It sounds like you're trying to use his age and the "not having time to get to know each other" as an excuse for his actions. So things started off slowly and he couldn't wait around so he had to get it from your best friend? Thats what a loser does.

 

And what kind of best friend hooks up with her friends boyfriend? I'd drop her as well she sounds like a loser.

[nykal]

Thanks for your advice.

 

I should make probably make it clear, though, that there wasn't any sex or physical cheating involved at all, except for a kiss. It was mostly just emotional cheating. He liked two girls at once. And the best friend was actually one he had a thing for way before I even met him, so it's sort of understandable.

 

And I should also mention that I'm only in high school, so age is a much bigger factor here than it would be once I'm out of high school... Which, in the big scheme of things, sort of makes this situation slightly more absurd cause it's so early on in life and what happens now really doesn't matter... But, you know. Young love.

 

Oh, and the best friend didn't do anything, he just kissed her and she immediately pushed him away.

 

Thank you for your thoughts!

[Trialbyfire]

If the two of you didn't have any discussion about exclusivity, previous to his pursuit of your friend, it isn't technically cheating. Btw, things happening slowly at the beginning, doesn't force someone to cheat. People cheat on their own.

 

The part that would concern me the most, would be the blatant lying to both you and the friend.

 

I asked him once after the trip if he had a thing for my friend, and he said no.

 

He lied, though. There was no more physical contact at all, but he continued to emotionally cheat on me after the kiss, and started chasing after my friend for months and generally saying some pretty nasty things about me behind my back. I didn't find out about any of this until several months after it happened, and by then, he had already completely forgotten my friend and had nothing to do with any other girl.

 

This is something you have to seriously consider. Will you have difficulty maintaining a trusting relationship with someone you know is capable of this kind of deceit? There's no way I could.

[squeak]

You sound astoundingly mature beyond your years for being so young

 

Can I share some advice with you?

 

Did you know that you kill something within your soul when you choose to subject yourself to a person that had decieved you?

 

All his honest answers after the fact (once again-never something he was up front about but that you found out through others THEN he became Mr. Honest) don't make up that he lied to you and showed you that he would have hooked up with your best friend if she was up for it.

 

That could have been very devastating for you. Think about that, not his excuses.