Lost friendship?

[Slayer1477]

When I was 15/16 in high school I took a class at school that was mainly composed of guys. I was one of two girls. I formed a bond with most of my classmates and in particular this one guy. But I was really shy and he was really shy and I thought there was something there, but nothing ever happened.

 

Not long after I met him, I found myself in my first really serious relationship. And I didn't even think of persuing anything, I was very happy. He began dating one of my very close friends, so all was well.

 

At 19 my relationship began to break down somewhat. I was still in contact with the guy from my class and we had a great friendship - we mainly chatted online for hours and hours at night. And we flirted - a lot. I would catch the bus to see him and hang out with him before I went to uni and he to work. But I'm not a cheater and I was still trying to sort out my relationship.

 

After my relationship ended, we had both talked about the possibility of persuing something quite seriously. He had made how he felt about me clear. But unfortunately I had met another guy at university and my high school boy made it clear I needed to make a choice.

 

Now its important to understand that my relationship that had ended was very serious, I had lived with my boyfriend for a long time and the break up was very hard for both of us. I was not in a good place emotionally. I knew that my next relationship would not be a relationship, but a rebound. So I chose the other guy (not the guy that I had met at school). And it only turned out to be a short relationship like I knew it would, approx 2 months.

 

I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to hurt him and use him. Which is pretty much what I did to this uni guy (not intentionally), I was just very messed up.

 

My friend was so hurt he refused to talk to me and said he had made how he felt clear, and that I had broken his heart.

 

It has been almost a year since we last talked now, I saw him on the bus awhile ago and he pretended he didn't see me. It hurts so much to lose that relationship, but a part of me is angry with him for not listening to me and why I did what I did.

 

He never blocked me on messenger and I often see him online and wonder if he thinks about me when he sees me online.

 

Anyway today on the bus I bumped into another guy from that same class who is still friends with the estranged friend. He invited me to his birthday in two weeks -- and I know this guy will be there.

 

So now I wonder - should I try talking to this guy on messenger before I show up at the party? Does he still resent me, or do we not talk because so much time has passed?

 

I miss him so much, but the fear of rejection/the hurt of him ignoring me if I try to talk to him holds me back. I'm not saying I want a relationship with him, but I would love to talk to him again.

 

Please let me know your thoughts!