Lilyann Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. We have been friends for about four years total. We met at college. He graduated a sesmedter before I did. Well we live about 4 hours away from one another. However, our careers may lead us to the same city only timing tells. Well here comes the confusion that I need help with. Over the past years we have remained friends and the communication had been kept up. He has dated someone and there were some simalarites. Within the past year we have talked on the phone at least twice a week. I tend to go to his city to visit dome of my friends. When I am in town we get together. This is always by his request after I mention that I am going to his city. The time before last that i was there he had to make a significant effort to get together with me it was all on him. During this time he was flirty like holding my hand in the car, putting his hand on my thigh under the table, etc. Things did get intimate betwen us, it was in a way that wasn't "I wanna get some". For about three monthes he went across the country and he called me. At first once a week then sometimes as many as four. I NEVER called him. When we get together it is fun and exciting. I enjoy spending time with him. I beleive that it is the other way around also. I failed to mention that neither one of us talk to our exes. We were both in serious engagements before we met one another. I will see him shortly as he visits my city. I just am unsure about what these actions might mean. He is extremely important to me. I do not know if this is something more or if I am miss interpreting it. Please take the time to reply. Thank you to those that do. Lilyann Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 It appears that he thinks very highly of you and it's more than just friendship. If he doesn't take some steps to get something going again, you ought to. It sounds like things are gathering more steam each day. I'd say things look very promising. It may be time you talked to him and asked him just where his head is at his life relates to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyann Posted March 10, 2003 Author Share Posted March 10, 2003 Thank you for your response. I do kind of agree with what you are saying. However, I have asked him before about this and I only got that he was care a lot about me, he still had feelings for me, but was unsure about whether or not we would or would not ever have a relatinship. I just don't know if it is just a "friends with benefits" thing. He is not a player and is very selective about who he is inimate with. However, something needs to be done as a relationship (when we both get in our careers) or purely a friendship with no aditives. Link to post Share on other sites
twistedgreen Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 It all sounds very positive and like it should progress to a nice, healthy romantic relationship. Is he fighting that because he doesn't want a nice, healthy, romantic relationship with you? Maybe he is unsure of whether he really wants to make the commitment, and would like to stay in relationship-limbo as long as possible, where he still gets the intimacy but doesn't have to make the big decision yet. While he may not be a player and trying to juggle a whole bunch of "non-relationship-relationships" at once, he may, intentionally or unintentionally, be trying to reap the rewards of sexuality without commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyann Posted March 10, 2003 Author Share Posted March 10, 2003 Thank you for your reply. What is the direct advise that I can do to either break or make this relationship? I am in dire need because I am so clueless of which step to take. I am the only one that he maintains a relationship with of this sort. Lilyann Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyann Posted March 15, 2003 Author Share Posted March 15, 2003 Responses would be very helpful! THANK YOU Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 Originally posted by Lilyann What is the direct advise that I can do to either break or make this relationship? I am in dire need because I am so clueless of which step to take. Lilyann Above and some days ago I wrote the following, which is the ONLY thing you can do...I mean you're ONLY ALTERNATIVE and the ONLY solution to this problem. Now take a deep breath and read slowly (I will boldface it for you for easier reading and explain what it means in detail after the quote from my post): "It may be time you talked to him and asked him just where his head is as his life relates to you." Now, what that means is that you must be with him, look at him, get his attention, and then ask him how he feels about you and the relationship. There is no other human being in the world who can give you this answer...and no way you can get the information you want except from him. If he continues to give you the runaround, in other words...if he does not give you straightforward or very clear answers to your questions...give him one more chance. Let him know that if you do not get a good focus on how he feels and the direction he feels the relationship is going, then you will terminate or END the relationship. Let him know you have no interest in being in a relationship for a very long time in which you have no general idea of the direction it's taking. Be strong and insist that he give you answers. If he doesn't, he's a wimp and you have NO business staying with him. There is nobody in the entire world who can answer these questions but him...and if he will not cooperate in telling you his feelings....you must take control of the situation and go find a guy who will. Now I don't know how I can give you more direct advice than the above. You need to use some of your own know-how here. Link to post Share on other sites
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