My fiance cheated on me.

[zilverenvlinder]

Yep. This is how it all boils down, people. I imagine you've been reading at least some of my posts.

 

I hacked onto his My Space. (Yes, I am amazing, I know. I did it without a keylogger or anything.) I read about a week's worth of emails to some trashy bleach-hair orange-tan skank, telling her about his feelings for her get all worked up when she's around, blah blah.

 

He then proceeded to ask her if she was on birth control, because he may not have pulled out in time.

 

Yes, I am sickened. No, I have not eaten in four days. Yes, we did just go furniture shopping last weekend for our new house.

 

I screamed. I yelled. I cried. I told him to get all of my sh** out of his house, and being unable to drive due to devastation, made my friend go to his house and get it for me. I told him I never wanted to see him again.

 

I threw my engagement ring in a lake near my house. I should have pawned it, I KNOW, but I was just too in shock. It's gone now.

 

He called me four times that night, crying, telling me he would kill himself if it would make my pain go away. I asked him five thousand questions. I told him he could never see this skank again. He said he was never planning on it.

 

Stupid me. I couldn't sleep at my house. I've been drinking liquor for the last four days. I drove to his freaking house and stayed there all weekend. He bought me ice cream, he bought me dinner (which I did not eat), he went to the mall and bought me new shoes.

 

I threw everything in his face about 100 times, and he got all pissy about it. How dare he.

 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm disgusted. I don't know if this can go away.

 

Can it? Do you think he will do it again?

 

The best part of the story is...

 

He changed his My Space password. Unfortunately, he was too stupid to think of changing his e-mail password. Guess what happens when you "forget" your password? Yep. You send it to your e-mail address.

 

I will now know if he's lying to me again.

 

But does it matter?

[luvmy2ns]

Nope. Doesn't matter in the least. It's painfully obvious he cares more about how his dick feels than how you feel. And you're not even married yet! Just think of what it would be like, years down the road, after you have kids (if you planned on that) and the everyday humdrum life sets in. He'll be looking for excitement, and you'll be at home wondering where he is and who he's doing.

 

RUN!!!

 

You have something to give to someone, and he is NOT the one who deserves it! YOU deserve better. Go out and find it.

[stillafool]

Sweetheart this is your big warning to -NOT MARRY THIS FOOL!!!!!!!!

No, it will not stop after you get married to answer your question. I know someone who's fiance cheated on them but she chose to marry him anyway and guess what - 20 years and 3 kids later he is still cheating on her. Imagine, things are suppose to be so hot and heavy between the two of you right now he shouldn't even be thinking about another woman. If he's thinking about doing another girl this early in the game consider what he will do when married life sets in and you become old hat. This is your final warning before getting on the rollercoaster of your life!

[Hazy]

I agree, please run far away from this man. He was writing to this other woman saying how much she turned him on, and this was after they had had sex. So...he WAS actually planning on seeing her again.

Is he going to spend a LOT of money to buy you a NEW engagement ring? If so, then you know he really will try to make it work and he was sincere.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Geez Z,

 

I'm sorry to hear this. You need to know that all the crazy things you have been doing are completely to be expected. Right down to not being able to drive. The deal is though, in about 2 months maybe less your emotions wil have leveled out a bit and you can make a more rash decision. I don't remember how close you are to W day, don't know if the invitations have been sent or how much time you have to make a decision. If its not much agree to pospone it for the time.

 

I think that taking your time to make a decision that you can be sure of, even if that is leaving. I think its important to note that while still going through with the plans thant he was willing to sleep with someone else. That kind of shows you what his idea of love is.

 

I'm with the others though, that this behavoir will only continue once the dust has cleared. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it means he loves himself more. The question becomes, how much do you love your self. Let me promise you if there is a second D day you will find that you are as angry at yourself as you are at him now and yuo cant run away from yourself.

 

I'm very sorry for you. You willreturn to a better level of functioning even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

[Cobra_X30]

What?

 

It doesnt matter if he is going to shell out for a new ring or not. Next time you see this guy, Kick him square in the nuts. If you live near me I will do it for you!

[dbtmarley]

Please do yourself a favor and boot this cat.

[zilverenvlinder]

I can do better, can't I?

 

I really can. It's just hard, because, you know...my best friend is with HIS best friend... all of my other friends are associated with him... I had all these big plans to buy this house with him...

 

And the worst part is, it's really hard to think about him being with some other skank. I could avoid it if we didn't have the same freaking friends, but I can't.

 

That would kill me.

 

Oh, this is awesome. So remember how I said that he called me crying saying he would kill himself blah blah? Well I found pictures on his friend's MySpace of that very night, with him laughing it up and making goofy faces at the camera. -_-

 

How sincere.

 

I'm seriously thinking about just packing up all my crap and moving to another country. And I would do it too, if I didn't just get a terrific job that I start next week.

[a4a]

Well I am sure the mutual friends will realize what an ass he is once they find out the truth about him needing to dink the floozy.

 

Get rid of him.

[dbtmarley]

I can do better, can't I?

 

I really can. It's just hard, because, you know...my best friend is with HIS best friend... all of my other friends are associated with him... I had all these big plans to buy this house with him...

 

And the worst part is, it's really hard to think about him being with some other skank. I could avoid it if we didn't have the same freaking friends, but I can't.

 

That would kill me.

 

Oh, this is awesome. So remember how I said that he called me crying saying he would kill himself blah blah? Well I found pictures on his friend's MySpace of that very night, with him laughing it up and making goofy faces at the camera. -_-

 

How sincere.

 

I'm seriously thinking about just packing up all my crap and moving to another country. And I would do it too, if I didn't just get a terrific job that I start next week.

 

The pain you have from the break up will be short lived. The pain from an unhappy marriage and/or a subsequent bitter divorce would be long standing especially if kids are involved.

 

He should have voluntarily given up the myspace thing.

[corazoncito]

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry you're going through all this crap. Big hug.

 

I think the advice to take some time to get your head together before making a decision is really good. You will feel better, but it takes time. In the meantime, I'd recommend NC or LC with him. I also agree that this will probably happen again.

 

Don't let him try to bribe you back. Who cares how much money he spends on a ring? The first one didn't seem to mean much to him.

 

Hang in there. You've got friends here and IRL (who will most likely think he is an ass for what happened).

[squeak]

No no no don't give him another chance!

I have read some of your posts-he was the one that stopped kissing you? And not intimate with you so much anymore? Told his female friends he loved them in front of you but was uncomfortable saying it to you the first few months?

 

You only found out because you snooped-he was doing this while arranging a house???

 

And I want you to take a deep breath and think about your health for a moment-he asked her if she used birth control because he did not pull out in time?

 

HE HAD SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM WITH THIS WH**E AND THEN WAS WITH YOU.

 

This guy has no respect now, and never will.

 

From his description-I can tell you this is the best thing that ever happened to you. It feels terrible now, bt a few months from now you will be jumping with joy you found this out and struck out on your own.

 

You are in a time now where you are realizing you deserve better friends and a BF that won't cheat on you and lie to you over and over.

 

If you take him back he will never stop. Making faces in pics the night he was so upset he threatened suicide? This guy is not serious, I think you knew that deep down.

 

If you leave now you will feel very good about yourself. If you stay with him and monitor him you will feel worse when it happens again.

 

Start your new shiny life. The decision is yours, I think you know what is right for you.....

 

Can anyone please please explain to me why he is screwing her over but making plans with her at the same time? I think that is the most dangerous personality on the face of the earth, it shows a friehtenoing lack of compassion/empathy and morals. This person is your enemy now that you know this. Don't turn your back on this information, your mind would not let you forget even if you try.

[luvmy2ns]

I agree, please run far away from this man. He was writing to this other woman saying how much she turned him on, and this was after they had had sex. So...he WAS actually planning on seeing her again.

Is he going to spend a LOT of money to buy you a NEW engagement ring? If so, then you know he really will try to make it work and he was sincere.

 

I don't think one can buy trust back with an expensive ring.

[luvmy2ns]

I can do better, can't I?

 

I really can. It's just hard, because, you know...my best friend is with HIS best friend... all of my other friends are associated with him... I had all these big plans to buy this house with him...

 

I'm seriously thinking about just packing up all my crap and moving to another country. And I would do it too, if I didn't just get a terrific job that I start next week.

 

No, don't go ANYWHERE! Dump his sorry arse, get a house on your own, and let him see you enjoying your life without him; whether with a new man or not; out with your friends, successful in your new job that you're getting ready to start. You don't need the kind of life you would have with him. It would be pure misery.

[squeak]

Him buying expensive rings/shoes /houses to make up for it is BS.

 

Don't sell yourself short.

 

Maybe that is his pattern, I found the answer to my question--he substitutes material things for actual respect and love.

 

He learned to buy girls things and rip their hearts apart and then buys more things like houses or new rings to put it together, until the next time. He does not know what love is.

[zilverenvlinder]

Thank you guys for all your great advice. I just got some from my dad too, that made me feel better.

 

He is a tool.

 

Because...

 

THE STORY UNFOLDS!!!...

 

Get this.

 

So obviously, I'm snooping around on his My Space some more, since I have his password. I'm reading his emails from a month or so ago.

 

It seems that he has been having an AFFAIR with this crackwhore.

 

Yes, an affair. Their e-mails even spoke of me. He said he loved me...and she said if you love her why do you keep having sex with me... and he said something outrageously stupid... probably because he wanted to keep her on the side.

 

So I alerted him on his phone while he was at work and get this..

 

He bitches at me for DIGGING!

 

Yes, bitches at me for digging more into his stuff. He said he thought it was forgotten, that he was having doubts about "forever" a while ago but wasn't anymore.

 

I told him that I want to HEAR him call the bitch and tell her it's over. He can never see her again, speak to her again, look at her again, or "run into" her again while he's out with "the guys".

 

He told me that was easy, he would definitely do it.

 

Good. Because once he does that, and she's out of the picture, I'm done. FOREVER. So he doesn't have anyone left. Haha! What a jerk!

 

And if this skank is sensible enough, she won't take him back either.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Him buying expensive rings/shoes /houses to make up for it is BS.

 

Don't sell yourself short.

 

Maybe that is his pattern, I found the answer to my question--he substitutes material things for actual respect and love.

 

He learned to buy girls things and rip their hearts apart and then buys more things like houses or new rings to put it together, until the next time. He does not know what love is.

 

 

This is what you need to get Z. THIS is how he loves. I completely agree with NC. Get a copy of after the affair and read the first chapter on the response to betrayal. All of this is normal, and all of this goes away. Not necessarily the hurt or disappointment, but the whirlwind of emotions and reactions.

 

I love that you are starting a new job. Had a girlfriend that started a new job because the pollitics at the one she had invested 15 years at were making her life miserable. Within a month of starting, every ugly thing in her life had turned around. I think it was because she started with the hardest decision of leaving something she had worked at in order to make herself happy. After that, everything fell into place. For you HE might just be her old job.

[SueBee3490]

Can anyone please please explain to me why he is screwing her over but making plans with her at the same time? I think that is the most dangerous personality on the face of the earth, it shows a friehtenoing lack of compassion/empathy and morals. This person is your enemy now that you know this. Don't turn your back on this information, your mind would not let you forget even if you try.

 

I can because this is a mirror image of what happened to me - only difference is I married the a** without knowing he was cheating on me while my bf/fiance - whereas zilver has a chance to get out before marrying him. My fiance also cheated on me the whole time we dated - he even had unprotected sex with wh**res then came to me - knowing that I didn't know anything about his cheating. I think that made me the maddest was knowing the he was having unprotected sex and could have given me any host of diseases and didn't even have the respect/love for me to protect me.

 

Believe me I only found out about my "now" husband cheating on me the whole time we dated and we bought a house before marrying which we are in the process of selling because I'm getting as far away from him as possible.

 

Listen to all the advice and RUN - take it from someone who was in your shoes and don't look back.

 

To Squeak - you wonder how people can act like this well my fiance and I talked everynight on the phone (we were a long-distance relationship). He even called me on Labor Day weekend from a hotel (where he was with his latest wh**re) to have our nightly chat. I talked to the woman he was with who knew nothing about him being engaged and asked her how he made his call to me if he was with her. She said he did say something about his daughter being sick and he needed to check on her. How's that for a low-life? And get this, we were married about 3 weeks later. I'm sure I talked about our new house, the marriage, going on honeymoon, etc. He can carry on a conversation with me knowing he is screwing me over and not care. Unbelievable when I think of that now.

 

RUN RUN RUN

[bish]

Yep. This is how it all boils down, people. I imagine you've been reading at least some of my posts.

 

I hacked onto his My Space. (Yes, I am amazing, I know. I did it without a keylogger or anything.) I read about a week's worth of emails to some trashy bleach-hair orange-tan skank, telling her about his feelings for her get all worked up when she's around, blah blah.

 

He then proceeded to ask her if she was on birth control, because he may not have pulled out in time.

 

Yes, I am sickened. No, I have not eaten in four days. Yes, we did just go furniture shopping last weekend for our new house.

 

I screamed. I yelled. I cried. I told him to get all of my sh** out of his house, and being unable to drive due to devastation, made my friend go to his house and get it for me. I told him I never wanted to see him again.

 

I threw my engagement ring in a lake near my house. I should have pawned it, I KNOW, but I was just too in shock. It's gone now.

 

He called me four times that night, crying, telling me he would kill himself if it would make my pain go away. I asked him five thousand questions. I told him he could never see this skank again. He said he was never planning on it.

 

Stupid me. I couldn't sleep at my house. I've been drinking liquor for the last four days. I drove to his freaking house and stayed there all weekend. He bought me ice cream, he bought me dinner (which I did not eat), he went to the mall and bought me new shoes.

 

I threw everything in his face about 100 times, and he got all pissy about it. How dare he.

 

 

Exactly...how dare he. He is the selfish bastard here, not you.

 

Take it from me, just leave this a$sshole for good. There is no sense in continuing with a cheater like this.

 

Once a cheater always a cheater and you can do better. Because if you try to get back with him and marry this guy, you WILL regret it...mark my words.

[zilverenvlinder]

Oh my god...

 

and as I keep reading these freaking Myspace messages...I find out that it's been with MORE THAN ONE WOMAN.

 

And THEN...I keep reading all the way back two years ago with his last girlfriend...he cheated on her a million times too!

 

What a jerk. He deserves what's coming to him.

 

Any ideas?

[dbtmarley]

Oh my god...

 

and as I keep reading these freaking Myspace messages...I find out that it's been with MORE THAN ONE WOMAN.

 

And THEN...I keep reading all the way back two years ago with his last girlfriend...he cheated on her a million times too!

 

What a jerk. He deserves what's coming to him.

 

Any ideas?

 

 

Oh he deserves the worst!!

 

You want some ideas?

 

1. You get his SS# and screw his credit up for good.

2. Turn off lights and phone to the place you two live in and leave. Let him come home to a dark place.

3. Pour a gallon of water in his gas tank.

4. His clothes in the closet.... they make great bon fires!

5. Tell people you are leaving him because you found nude photos of little girls on his computer. (See thread about kiddie porn)

6. Tell his mother that he told you he was gay.

[Dano]

Just forgettaboutit!

By him cheating on you, it just makes you want him more! Its no secret that chicks love men who do them dirty (BAD BOYS), just as long as he's good looking. Oh, no doubt you're pissed and hurt but at the same time you're turned on and even more infatuated with him. Just knowing he is doing this chick and god knows how many others got you up to your ears in soap opera drama............and you dig that!........Yep, he's a keeper. You won't let him get away!

[ash519]

Dano's message is dumb and ignore it...

 

Z...you poor thing. What a disgusting jerk. I am glad you are deciding to leave. Move on (and I am sure you will a lot quicker knowing how disgusting he is) and find someone who deserves you and who you deserve.

 

 

If you ever feel weakened by him and miss him...REMEMBER: YOU WILL NEVER TRUST HIM!!!! Print a few gross messages he sent to keep your feelings in check.

 

Good luck hun...

[Lizzie60]

Yep. This is how it all boils down, people. I imagine you've been reading at least some of my posts.

 

I hacked onto his My Space. (Yes, I am amazing, I know. I did it without a keylogger or anything.) I read about a week's worth of emails to some trashy bleach-hair orange-tan skank, telling her about his feelings for her get all worked up when she's around, blah blah.

 

He then proceeded to ask her if she was on birth control, because he may not have pulled out in time.

 

Yes, I am sickened. No, I have not eaten in four days. Yes, we did just go furniture shopping last weekend for our new house.

 

I screamed. I yelled. I cried. I told him to get all of my sh** out of his house, and being unable to drive due to devastation, made my friend go to his house and get it for me. I told him I never wanted to see him again.

 

I threw my engagement ring in a lake near my house. I should have pawned it, I KNOW, but I was just too in shock. It's gone now.

 

He called me four times that night, crying, telling me he would kill himself if it would make my pain go away. I asked him five thousand questions. I told him he could never see this skank again. He said he was never planning on it.

 

Stupid me. I couldn't sleep at my house. I've been drinking liquor for the last four days. I drove to his freaking house and stayed there all weekend. He bought me ice cream, he bought me dinner (which I did not eat), he went to the mall and bought me new shoes.

 

I threw everything in his face about 100 times, and he got all pissy about it. How dare he.

 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm disgusted. I don't know if this can go away.

 

Can it? Do you think he will do it again?

 

The best part of the story is...

 

He changed his My Space password. Unfortunately, he was too stupid to think of changing his e-mail password. Guess what happens when you "forget" your password? Yep. You send it to your e-mail address.

 

I will now know if he's lying to me again.

 

But does it matter?

 

Do you mean you threw all this 'fit' for nothing...and now you have second guess about taking him back?

 

I just can't believe this... of course he will do it again... if he can do this while 'engaged' imagine after being 'married' for a few months/years.

 

I am shaking my head in disbelief when I hear things like :

 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm disgusted.

 

Then women, ask themselves a few years down the road, 'why is he having an affair, when I do everything for him?'

 

You have your answer right here... because you take him back.. and he knows he can 'play' again...

[a4a]

Z go get tested for STDs asap....... you already know he wasn't using condoms.

 

He of course should pay for your testing.

 

Nice that he cares about you so so much that he would put you at risk.

 

Real nice.