Will I ever recover?

[ASori12]

Ok, I just joined this thread, and I have a big problem. Let me start of by saying I'm incredibly shy when it comes to women. About 4 yrs ago, I met a very beautiful and who appeared at the time a shy girl. I sat down at a table in the library with her one day (we had a free study English class together). I started talking to her, and soon she opened up, and before long she was doing most of the talking. She was always smiling at me and laughing at my jokes. It seemed to me by things she'd say that she didn't have a boyfriend. Then I found out she was a single mother. Her daughter at the time was probably 9 mos. old. We continued talking throughout the semester, and about the final 2 weeks of class, since we just sat in the library every day, I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch. She met me at the restaurant, and during lunch I noticed that for a brief time she had her foot lightly against my leg. I didn't like what I had ordered that day and she offered me some of hers. A week or so later she asked me to lunch, and again for a few seconds I'd feel her foot lightly against my leg. I asked her out at one point, and she said yes, but I coudn't get her on the phone (I've since seen where other guys and her girlfriends alike have trouble getting ahold of her). Me being shy and lacking confidence, I was afraid I'd be stood up, so I never left a msg about us going out. From then on she was rude to me, and so I left her alone for several months. Then I began texting her, and couldn't stop. She made me happier than I've ever been in life. I've been texting her on and off for the last 3 yrs. I knew she must've thought I was crazy, but kept thinking about her. I finally got chewed out by her father, he was telling me it was time I forgot about her, or I'd be in trouble. But thing is until recently, I was never asked to leave her alone, and at one point I called her and she answered the phone, but out of shock I hung up when she answered. So now I'm terribly depressed and embarrassed. I could never be as happy as I was when I knew her, with her I was confident. Before I met her, I had never asked out a girl in my life, and I've only asked out 1 since her in the last 4 yrs. I know you all are going to say I'm insane, but love makes you crazy. Will I ever feel right again? (Don't advise me to see a counselor, I know what I did was stupid and weird).

[eric82]

There’s no need to be depressed or embarrassed. That situation is nowhere near as dire as you’re making it out to be. It’s actually pretty common, especially for introverted people without much dating experience.

 

Try to take this as a learning experience. Now you know of some things that you’ll want to avoid doing in the future. Such as, don’t continue to contact a girl when she’s not responding and contacting you. Don’t focus all your energy into one person until you two are in a committed relationship, and even then always keep a part of your life and happiness separate from her.

 

The trick is while a partner can improve your life and make you happier, you should never make her the end all, be all of your happiness. You have to remind yourself that no matter how attached you get or feel to someone, you can always be happy without that person. Life always goes on.

 

Don’t lose your confidence just because one girl’s interest faded. Throughout life you’ll have failed relationships and even more failed attempts to start relationships. Sometimes things will fall apart, sometimes things will never develop, regardless of what you say or do. It happens to everyone. Remember that if she could like you, so can pretty much any girl. Confidence and optimism are essential, don't let her take those things from you. If she no longer likes you, other girls out there will.

 

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but keep in mind everyone makes mistakes with the opposite sex. It’s inevitable. Just look around these forums. Everyone’s here because they did things they regret or they’re too confused to know what went wrong. Even that girl you like, the fact that she’s a single mother shows that she’s made mistakes too (or else she’d still be with the father of her child).

 

As far as what to do now, I’d recommend laughing about it. That’s right, laugh. You may have screwed up and feel horrible, but you have to tell yourself: so what, at least you had the balls to put yourself out there, at least you know you tried, at least you know that no matter what happens you always have the power to overcome adversity. Laugh too at how you've been thinking this is such a big problem when really it's not. Also laugh at knowing that eventually you’ll meet someone better for you who will benefit from all the things you learned about yourself from your past mistakes. Shift your attitude and the conditions of your life will follow.

[JCD]

After this experience, you'll learn to hold back your heart a bit more before you invest it into a new girl. If you go NC with this girl you wrote about then in couple of months, say 6, you should be slowly getting back to normal. Love is like a drug and it takes a while for it to wear off, but it will. When she rejected me, I felt horrible, I couldn't imagine a life without her, that there would be no one else and that she was my soul mate. Well, couple of months of NC and while she is still on my mind sometimes, I don't get the butterflies anymore and I'm growing stronger everyday and begin to look for another girl. I would have never imagined that I could forget about her but I'm slowly doing it and it feels great.