Question about casual relationships

[beachbabi]

HI ALL,

 

(To make this issue as clear as possible i will explain as much as i can).

 

I meet a nice guy for the first time this weekend and we initially got along ok, by the end of the evening we felt more comfortable around each other. At the end of the night when i went to say goodbye to him, he kissed me on the lips. I was attracted to him, so ofcourse i kissed back. We had quite a few passionate kisses and hugs together before parting. He had said he wanted to meet up again before we parted.

 

Later that night we both jumped onto the internet and started chatting. We started out by discussing how we both enjoyed the evening and would plan to go out again.

 

In our conversations i asked how many girls he had dated before.. As most curious girls normally ask. He said it was quite a few, but not as many as what he had slept with. From the way he was talking he has slept with quite a few girls, at least 4 i assume. He also admitted that he would like to have sex with me, but i figured if he was interested in me that thought would run through his head.

 

The he started to tell me how he sees nothing wrong with going out with other girls the same as he did with me, considering other oportunities if they arise. He was basically telling me he wanted a casual kinda relationship with me. In his words he said 'i cant see it being a long term sort of thing with you ... im interested in you as a person if you know what i mean .... your a nice girl we get on well.' And then he went on to say 'im not that serious about you.... sorry... but i do like you enough to kiss you and enough to hang out with you....'

 

So i have been left with alot of things to think about.

 

I also am not totally serious about him yet, so i can see where he isn't serious about me either. But my reasons for not being serious is because i don't know him very well, we only just met that day in person and only spent about 4 hours together. I enjoyed kissing him and spending time with him, but need to spend more time with him to decide whether i'd wanna pursue anything further.

 

I have actually been put into a similar position a while ago with a guy that just wanted a casual relationship with me, and when he started seeing someone else i felt quite upset about it because i really liked him. After i put a stop to the relationship between me and him, he ended up dating the other girl seriously, non casual.

 

 

So my questions or problems are:

1. Is this guy really interested in me? Or just after sex?

 

Is there any ways to figure this out sooner than later??

 

 

2. Is he just suggesting to see me casually as an initial basis to see if he sees something more from it or not?

 

 

3. My previous relationship experiences have been with guys that don't really consider casual relationship. I honestly don't know if i should go out with this guy again (a second time), because i don't think i would want a long casual relationship. I am personally looking for a serious relationship, but realise that relationships all have a starting point where you get to know someone first. I just don't normally consider seeing others when i am interested in seeing someone.

 

 

4. He actually just sms'ed my phone today, the day after we met up just asking how am i doing and specifically said 'i hope i didn't upset you last nite' with what he was chatting to me about. I personally see this as a good sign, because he obviously cares about my feelings, but other than that, i don't know how to approach this situation. I just replied back saying i was glad to hear from him and that i have had alot to think about since we chatted last nite.

 

 

5. I worry that if i don't give this relationship a chance i may miss out on an opportunity. Should i just go out again a couple more times and see how i feel about the guy first before making any further decisions about casual dating or serious relationship with him?

 

 

 

Any feedback greatly appreciated. The more the merrier.

:-)

[Tony T]

1. Is this guy really interested in me? Or just after sex?

 

Both. He likes you enough to hang out with you and he also wants sex with you. I think he was pretty clear about that when you chatted on the Internet.

 

2. Is there any ways to figure this out sooner than later??

 

I've already figured it out so you won't have to bother.

 

 

3. Is he just suggesting to see me casually as an initial basis to see if he sees something more from it or not?

 

Again, he's been as clear as a button. He wants to hang around with you a bit, have some nice sex, and see other people. Why are you trying to make more of this than there is. This is so simple and basic.

 

4. My previous relationship experiences have been with guys that don't really consider casual relationship. I honestly don't know if i should go out with this guy again (a second time), because i don't think i would want a long casual relationship. I am personally looking for a serious relationship, but realise that relationships all have a starting point where you get to know someone first.

 

This guy has made it so clear it's pathetic. He wants a casual relationship with you that includes sex if possible. Frankly, I think he's got a lot of balls coming right out and telling you he wants to have sex with you after only knowing you a day.

 

He is NOT somebody you want to date except for casual companionship and sex. It will be a very long time before he's finished playing the field and ready to settle down. Maybe he will never settle down.

 

5. He actually just sms'ed my phone today, the day after we met up just asking how am i doing and specifically said 'i hope i didn't upset you last nite' with what he was chatting to me about. I personally see this as a good sign, because he obviously cares about my feelings, but other than that, i don't know how to approach this situation.

 

The guy's no dummy. What he really cares about is getting in your pants and he doesn't want to upset you too much until he has accomplished that. I do admire your naivete, however. You're a very sweet lady who could be easily taken advantage of.

 

6. I worry that if i don't give this relationship a chance i may miss out on an opportunity. Should i just go out again a couple more times and see how i feel about the guy first before making any further decisions about casual dating or serious relationship with him?

 

You don't have a relationship to give a chance to. If you never see or hear from him again, the only opportunity you will have missed out on is the opportunity of allowing him to have sex with you. He was such a dear to be so very honest with you on that point. Let me spell this whole situation out for you so you may be able to understand it better:

 

a) You just met a guy, a total stranger.

 

b) You were smitten, you enjoyed his company and you liked the way he kissed.

 

c) You talked to him later on the Internet during which time he expressed that he DID NOT want to get serious with you because he sees lots of ladys...actually only screws them....doesn't really date many of them and he ONLY wants to be casual friends with you with an occasional bed session.

 

That's all you have, lady. Nothing more!!! You're making a lot bigger deal out of this than is there. Read a, b and c above...THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT HERE.

 

So forget all this big time planning for dating and a relationship with this guy. You ought to be planning a strategy for getting rid of his butt if you aren't into the same game as he is.

[beachbabi]

Thanks for your detailed feedback Tony.

 

Most appreciated.

 

You pretty much said what i was thinking anyway.

 

Ah well. :-(

 

Thanks.

 

By the way, even if i did consider to see this guy again, he'd have no chance of having sex with me. I have very strong morals no matter how much i might think this guy is attractive.

[beachbabi]

Tony, could you please remove my real name from the previous message.

 

Oops, my mistake.

 

THANKS!

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Tony, could you please remove my real name from the previous message."

 

No problem, Barbra!

[beachbabi]

hahaha... thanks Tony. Your a legend!