Is this not stupid????

[arkansasdreamer]

I have a 22 year old little sister who was married this past May of 2002. He was a good friend of hers for a few years and they decided to get married on the spur of the moment. She was not in love with this man. She was only in love with the idea of wearing a white wedding dress and having all her friends and family see her in her wedding dress.

 

I think that she wants to have her own family so bad that she is willing to do the craziest things to get it even if it makes absolutely no sense at all. No matter how much we tried to talk her out of going through with it she did it anyway. She was married on a Saturday and left him the following Tuesday. He talked her into going back to him the next day. (Wednesday) Which she did but only to leave him again two weeks later and she has been separated from him ever since.

 

Then on top of all that... she found out she was pregnant and she couldn't get a divorce until the baby was born. The baby was born on Dec 30th. She finally got her divorce about 3 to 4 weeks ago.

 

Okay here is the kicker. She started dating a new guy in October. He is 19!! Fixing to turn 21. I will have to admit he was wonderful during my little sisters pregnancy. He worked double shifts because she was unable to work due to her pregnancy. He he took very good care of her while she was unable to work. He considered the baby his and gleamed with joy when the baby was born. He seemed like the perfect man for her although I was really concerned about his age. Afterall, he is still a kid himself. Then the baby was born at the end of December.

 

Everything changed!! He realized that having a baby was not all it was cut out to be. He also realized that he was not ready to be a father and told her he was not ready for the family life like he thought he was. Now when she met him he was living with friends and had no transportation. My little sister has fell head over heels in love with this guy. This is the first guy out of many guys she has dated that she has really cared about and even gave them a chance to get close to her.

 

She FLAT OUT REFUSES to get on birth control to keep from getting pregnant again. I can't help but feel she is trying to trap this guy. I told her if he doesn't want the responsibility of helping to raise one child what makes her think he would want to raise two?

 

I told her if he couldn't deal with one he certainly wouldn't be able to deal with two. She is hoping that if she gets pregnant everything will go back to the way it was when she was pregnant. I am so disappointed in her. He got to the point where he wasn't paying the bills anymore and was coming in and leaving at all hours of the night in my sisters car and leaving her with the baby at home with no way to go if something should happen to the baby.

 

Now he has put in a two week notice to quit his job. The past two weeks they have had several disputes and the law has been involved because she found out he has been doing drugs (marijuana) and promised to quit but she kept snooping into his things and finding it. Which he knocked her down a flight of stairs last week and went to jail while arguing over it. He is out of jail now and promising her he is going to change once again. The judge has ordered that he go through Anger Management Classes. Which I think is a great idea.

 

I love her and I only want the best for her but she is sooooo immature and irresponsible. She has never held down a job for more than 2 months at a time. My mother has ran up her credit cards over 25,000.00 bailing her butt out of trouble and paying her bills. Which is totally unfair to my mother. Our mom is 61 and she should be enjoying her golden years without having to babysit her grandson while she is out running around all the time. She has become a built in babysitter for my little sister. Which I tell my mom all the time she is going to have to put down her foot and stop giving into them.

 

But my little sister is a manipulator and she uses the baby against my mom when she doesn't get her way. She threatens to keep the baby away from my mom. Which is so childish and just shows how selfish she really is. She knows my mom just absolutely adores that baby and it would kill her if she couldn't see the baby and my little sister uses this to her advantage to manipulate my mom into giving her what she wants. Mom worries about the baby all the time.

 

Now she has informed us that he has bought her a engagement ring and they are officially engaged as of Sunday and they are planning to be married this upcoming Friday. This is so stupid and ridiculous. She told my mother that they are going to take marriage counseling. I can't believe anyone would be so darn STUPID to get married and start going to marriage counseling right off the bat! She will not listen to me or my mom. She thinks she knows everything. I thought I would get on here and see if anyone would respond and give their opinions so she doesn't think WE are the only ones who think what she is doing is stupid.

 

t the very least, I wish she would wait until later in the year and see how the anger management classes go and make him prove to her that he has changed. I just hate to see her put her and the baby in danger. I told her that her first priority is the baby and she needs to make sure that the baby grows up in a loving, secure and stable home and that he can't offer her that right now. But in her strange chaotic lifestyle she seems to think he can. I am going to show her all the responses I receive. I am sorry this is so lengthy. But I appreciate your responses!! Please send them!! Thanks!

[Just A Girl2]

Wow, she sounds totally out of control.

 

I don't feel sorry for her, she's an adult (though she's acting like a spoiled, impulsive child who has no concept about life/marriage/parenting/etc)......but I do feel horribly sorry for her child and any future children she brings into this world. The child she has now can't possibly be living in a good and nurturing environment...between the fighting, the instability, the drugs, lack of a stable father figure, etc etc.

 

The only thing that comes to mind, and it's a doozy, is to either suggest or DO, contact CPS and file a complaint.......maybe if she risks losing her child, that will spark her to grow the hell up. Her child doesn't deserve this kind of chaos.

 

What age are you?

 

Is there anyone in your family who could fight to get temporary custody of her child, until she gets her sh*t together? Sorry, but she doesn't even deserve a child.

 

And I'm sure it must be tough for your Mom, but being there all the time to bail her out of financial trouble is not really helping....it's only enabling her to keep taking advantage of your Mom's kindness, and enabling her to remain acting like a child.

 

Only other suggestion would be to sit down with her guy there, and have a good heart to heart talk with him........explain to him your fears that she's going to intentionally 'get pregnant' .......I know you can't ask him to refrain from having sex in order to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, but it does take two and seeing how she won't listen, maybe giving him the heads up will do some good?

 

Is there any kind of Teen Mom Support Groups/Agencies there? It might be helpful for you and your Mom to try and find something like this, to see if there's a better approach..and I suggest "Teen" because she's sure not acting like an adult.

 

I know it's very easy for me to say but my greatest focus would be on getting this poor child out of this environment and showing her tough love..no financial support, nothing...even if it means she has to live under a bridge.

 

I feel for your situation here, and thank God she has such a great sister who's taking the time to try and help. You must be so totally frustrated and at your wit's end.

 

What does your Mom think here? Does she realize the problems to the degree that you do?

[HokeyReligions]

Nothing you do or say, including showing her these posts, is going to change her. It might even make it worse if she gets more angry.

 

CPS is an option, but unless the child has already been hurt, or there are police reports/arrests showing her & her bf using drugs or violence, CPS won't intervene. There is also a risk of the child going to foster care and not with you or your mother. That probably wouldn't happen, but it is a possibility.

 

I feel for you and your mother. I know this must be tearing her apart. Some friends of ours are now raising their grandchildren because of a similar situation. They barely get by and are too old to be dealing with this, but it's that or lose the children to the foster-care system, which would devastate them.

 

Personally, I think what you and your mother need to do is get some counseling for yourselves to help you deal with the situation and so you two don't break down. You don't have to write your sister or her child off, but getting some help to deal with this emotionally is important to the both of you.

 

As for her and this guy getting marriage counseling - that's great if its legit. It may help them both. What worries me is the drug use and violence. Your sister and her child are in danger. That is where CPS may be able to come in and help - are there police and/or doctor reports documenting the violence (you said he went to jail for throwing her down a flight of stairs) that you can get hold of? You might be able to talk to CPS and/or an attorney about your rights as far as the child is concerned - and getting the child out of harms way.

 

I wish you well on this, I don't think there is an easy solution.