mandy2 Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 Hi, I would like to know if i am overreacting. My live-in boyfriend been telling me that the woman at work been flirting with him, so i told him thats ok, not like you can control that. He had been acting strange these last days, The sex is better he been treating me nice. Yesterday he logged on yahoo messenger, something he has never done at home. So I told him; "its odd for you to log on your YM". He said he been talking to a friend from a game, but the way he said it nervous and repeatedly made me suspicious. So I did logged in his account to see his email (yes he had told me it was ok) he though he had erased everything but in his send box I found 3-4 emails to a co-worker. They read: How are you doing, keep speaking spanish to me, cause that is like one of my things, it turns me on” “i want you” “Hey beautiful, write to me as soon as you get your comp hooked up, I want to make you hot and sweaty tonight” Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 Hello Mandy, I don't think you are overreacting. It sounds like what your Bf is doing is innapropriate . If you are not married I would make definite plans to exit this relationship. No bother getting into a more complicated relationship with someone you cannot trust . Use your head, he is being sneaky and obviously lying to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 You are not over reacting at all. SHE isn't a 'friend' and this isn't just fun and innocent office flirting to make the day go by faster and put a smile on the face. This is intentional, it's sexually charged. It has to end now because he's opening the door and allowing it to go further, which will eventually turn into an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Lynna Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 Yep, that is definitely inappropriate behavior. Casual flirtation is normal interaction but is generally brief and then the people move on to the subject they were originally discussing. It is something none of us can avoid, but what you have described is beyond that. This is deliberatle flirtation and sexual banter for the direct purpose of flirting. Some might term this an emotional affair though there is some debate about what that term means exactly. You need to confront him on this issue. You need to tell him that he needs to cut all contact with this woman. He CAN control her flirting with him by NOT engaging in it. Whenever she tries it he can leave the conversation or tell her directly that he will not participate in or accept such behavior as he is in a committed relationship. As I said before, a comment here or there will happen occasionally, it is human nature, but it should not happen enough that he would have ever made that comment to you in the first place. He CAN stop her and he must if he is committed to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 Another thing to point out to him, when you do talk to him is, ask him how HE would feel if you were flirting with another man. My guess is, he'd be feeling the same way as you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 Erasing evidence trails is the first sign that something has passed from innocent to risky. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 2, 2007 Share Posted August 2, 2007 Erasing evidence trails is the first sign that something has passed from innocent to risky. Yep, possibility exists that he is past the thinking stage and into the acting stage. I'd pack his stuff up while he was at work, put it by the door, lay out the evidence for him and give him one (and only one) chance to explain what's going on. You have a decision to make and it needs to made quickly unless you want to spend the next year living in fear, doubt, confusion, distrust and suspicion ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy2 Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 I feel so depressed. I want the pain to stop. Everything just came crashing down for me. We were month from getting married and I am pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I feel so depressed. I want the pain to stop. Everything just came crashing down for me. We were month from getting married and I am pregnant. Im sorry Mandy, but better now than in five years when you have 2 kids are already married , would have to go through a long Divorce and split up of assets. This is really painfull, i know , but at least you know and can make a choice . Have you brought it to your s/o's attention that you are aware of whats going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 you very well know the answer to your question... He's cheating...it's quite clear. I was pregnant too and dumped and raised my daughter alone for 2 1/2 years... it's doable... better now than a few years down the road with the hassle of divorce and 2 kids on your arms... You got to remember something... if he can do this while you're pregnant and not even married... don't you think he will stop... NO... he won't .. imagine a few years down the road, when passion is gone and more kids... oh my Dog... get out now!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ARDriver01 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Yeah, it's time to go. He's a dirt-bag and a liar. I'm really sorry. Just tell him you know what's going on, tell him how that makes you feel and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy2 Posted August 4, 2007 Author Share Posted August 4, 2007 Does anyone suggest that I confront her, she is a co-worker and I don’t want any trouble? But I am very tempted to ask her what is really going on, what does she want with him.Why doesn’t she respect our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 Does anyone suggest that I confront her, She isn't where your problems lie.. HE is.. you need to confront him.. She is just a woman acting like a tramp.. going after and playing with a taken man and you saying something to her would be so Jerry Springer and won't fix anything. He is showing you tremendous disrespect.. your pregnant and engaged and he is cheating on you.. Again.. your problem is with him and not her.. if he mans up and starts showing you the respect you deserve as his future wife and mother of his child then if she won't leave him alone should you say something.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy2 Posted August 4, 2007 Author Share Posted August 4, 2007 i already confronted him, he promised not to do it again. and he has not broken any promise, yet. I have a trust issue, cause i am still hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 Be very careful, Mandy. Liars tend to lie about lying... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 i already confronted him, he promised not to do it again. and he has not broken any promise, yet. I have a trust issue, cause i am still hurt. Don't trust him yet. His actions will show you if he is living up to his promise. Time will tell... Does anyone suggest that I confront her, she is a co-worker and I don’t want any trouble? But I am very tempted to ask her what is really going on, what does she want with him.Why doesn’t she respect our relationship? He needs to tell her to back off now. Or together you two talk to her, make sure she understands that she is no longer allowed to "BE" in his life, no contact, no calls, no emails, no seeing eachother. She doesn't respect your relationship because she's only thinking of herself and what SHE desires. To her, you're in the way of her happiness with your guy. So, talking to her alone is pointless as she probably won't care what you have to say, and that will only upset you more. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 Hi, I would like to know if i am overreacting. My live-in boyfriend been telling me that the woman at work been flirting with him, so i told him thats ok, not like you can control that. I'd say more is going on. My stbexW would tell me of the guys she actually did end up screwing little stories. She'd tell me about how someone flirted with her or said something to her...that way if I found out something, or someone ratted her out for actually screwing them, she'd say, "ya, thats the time I told you about" to make it look like she was being truthful by disclosing some information. Cheaters tell half truths in order to make it appear as if they are to be trusted Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy2 Posted August 5, 2007 Author Share Posted August 5, 2007 disclosing some information. Cheaters tell half truths in order to make it appear as if they are to be trusted Thats exacly that I needed to hear, I feel its so true, he did tell me stuff about her, infact he talked about her alot. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 5, 2007 Share Posted August 5, 2007 Cheaters tell half truths in order to make it appear as if they are to be trusted ... and just enough to be able to appear remorseful, and yet still get away with what they are doing and to continue doing it behind your back. The first 'truth' is never the whole truth. You can count on that. Link to post Share on other sites
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