husband sex appetite..

[smoochygirl]

I hate to admit that this idea had occurred to me last year. Never acted out on it but my brain was beginning to make it seem justified (it isn't). Fortunately I made the decision to work hard on having a "sexfull marriage" , and if that was not possible, I would end the marriage. I never used that as a threat to the wife (not sure if she even knew our marriage was on the line) but the work has paid off and instead of divorce our marriage is better than ever.

 

Her alarm just sounded. Maybe I can bring her some coffee and get things started....

 

did you talk to your wife about it? I talk to my husband about it, but then he seems back to the way he is after a week, like he forgot what we talk about. I don't know how i can let my husband know that the way he treat me when it comes to my sexual needs might be the reason of our separation. I love him but i am too young and have sexual needs. I justify my husband action for a long time now.

[soulsurf]

Sorry to be blunt, but being in a sexless marriage is like getting all the worst parts of a relationship, without any of the good stuff.

 

How many times can you talk about it and nothing change? How much rejection is one person supposed to take?

 

I am all for being gung-ho and trying to do the right thing, but some marriages just won't work out, and no matter what you do, nothing will change for the better.

 

You need to do some soul searching within yourself, and see what you really want out of your relationship and what you are willing to do to get it.

[Jojo_2007]

There could be any number of things wrong. And probably few of them have anything to do with you or the way you look.

 

If he has had any sexual dysfunction like trouble having an orgasm with you or he has lost his erection during sex or had trouble getting one (because of stress, being tired, drugs, drinking too much etc) then he may be fearing a repeat of the problem and is full of anxiety and fear about having sex.

 

Is he masturbating alot and/or looking at porn on the computer? This is one of the biggest causes of sexless marriages these days. Men come to prefer the porn and masturbation over partner sex, especially married men. They tend to thrive on the intensity of the experience and the unlimited variety that porn offers.

 

Some men lose interest in their wives because it is the thrill of the chase and the romance and intensity of a new relationship that causes him to get aroused sexually. After the woman is *caught* he loses interest. This whole process can be unconcious and he will not know why he is not aroused by you anymore. There is another variation of this called Madonna/Whore syndrome. Google it.

 

He could be suffering from depression or anxiety. Anxiety especially will kill the sex drive and/or cause sexual dysfunction in men. Sometimes this anxiety is also subconcious and he is not aware of it. All he knows is there is something about sex that bothers him.

 

Certain drugs will lower the sex drive. SSRI Antidepressents plus some heart and blood pressure meds will do it. It is quite a long list. If you suspect this do a search for medications_sexual dysfunction.

[soulsurf]

There could be any number of things wrong. And probably few of them have anything to do with you or the way you look.

 

If he has had any sexual dysfunction like trouble having an orgasm with you or he has lost his erection during sex or had trouble getting one (because of stress, being tired, drugs, drinking too much etc) then he may be fearing a repeat of the problem and is full of anxiety and fear about having sex.

 

Is he masturbating alot and/or looking at porn on the computer? This is one of the biggest causes of sexless marriages these days. Men come to prefer the porn and masturbation over partner sex, especially married men. They tend to thrive on the intensity of the experience and the unlimited variety that porn offers.

 

Some men lose interest in their wives because it is the thrill of the chase and the romance and intensity of a new relationship that causes him to get aroused sexually. After the woman is *caught* he loses interest. This whole process can be unconcious and he will not know why he is not aroused by you anymore. There is another variation of this called Madonna/Whore syndrome. Google it.

 

He could be suffering from depression or anxiety. Anxiety especially will kill the sex drive and/or cause sexual dysfunction in men. Sometimes this anxiety is also subconcious and he is not aware of it. All he knows is there is something about sex that bothers him.

 

Certain drugs will lower the sex drive. SSRI Antidepressents plus some heart and blood pressure meds will do it. It is quite a long list. If you suspect this do a search for medications_sexual dysfunction.

 

I have a REALLY hard time believe internet porn causes a sexless marriage. So the sex was fine until the guy discovered porn, and now he would rather look at a computer screen then touch an actual person? Sorry, I don't buy that for one minute.

 

What causes all the sexless marriages where no one is looking at porn?

 

People fall IN love, and people fall OUT of love.

 

There can indeed by a million reasons for why someone is not into sex, but more of those reasons are going to do with their partner, and their mindset, then anything like Internet Porn or some sudden illness that causes them to lose all sexual desire.

[Ladyjane14]

I still think you'd do well to get this guy a medical check-up. Last month he complained to you that he couldn't pee because of constipation. That doesn't sound right to me. Urinary problems like that are more likely to be caused by an enlarged prostate.

 

Jojo has good points in her post, there are ALOT of different causes for a loss of sex drive, both emotional and physical. I just think it's important to rule out what you can. If you type into your browser... "Men Over 30 May Have Low Testosterone", you'll find an article which asserts that 1 in 4 men over the age of 30 suffer from lowered testosterone levels.