6 more months

[sunshine79]

i'm getting married in 6 months and we've been talking about our wedding plans and setting everything up. we're going away to get married and having a reception in our home town when we return. everything is set up, need to order invitations, smaller things, etc

 

i purchased 2 books on marriage. i wanted my fiance to have one to read when he's in the restroom (you know how guys are) and i would read one. well i read 20 pages in mine...his is still sitting where i put it when i showed it to hime. i find this disrespectful. i asked him about it after a couple days and he kinda smirked and said nah he didn't want to read it. wtf. why not?? is he too manly for this??

 

its like the closer we get to the wedding the more i want to work on 'us' because i know a marriage isn't easy (i'm divorced) and he is still the same ole guy and doesn't worry about this stuff. am i worrying i will fail again?? does he just not care?

[corazoncito]

Some people, men and women, don't like self-help books. I'm not terribly into them and my BF is definitely not.

 

It's hard to say from the info you gave if your fiance's attitude is a sign of potential problems or not.

 

Are there particular issues that are worrying you? Does your fiance feel the same way, that those are problems? Have you talked about them face-to-face?

 

I think it's great that you're trying resolve problems before the wedding. I think you just need to think more creatively to find a way that works for both you and your fiance. This one doesn't seem to be it.

[sunshine79]

i just want to make sure we can do what we can right now to better our marriage, not that there are specific issues at the moment...i just want to better prepare ourselves. i know that is almost impossible but every little bit helps.

 

i don't know why he's not interested, i guess it's 'girly' to him. i'm going to plant on in the bathroom and see what happens. maybe he'll pick it up nad actually like it...if not, i guess i can't fault him for being against self help stuff.

[Lizzie60]

OK...you want him to read a book about marriage preparation... he doesn't want to... his choice, you can't force him..

 

Then I would say how about taking the highlights of the book...what you think is important about marriage...etc. then discuss it with him..

 

I agree that NO ONE should marry (first off, marriage is not for me) without first making sure they are on the same page about important issues, like children, finances, religion, etc.

 

What's important for you, for him... discuss that prior to even plan the wedding... make a list...

 

What if you want children, he doesn't or vice versa... What about the finances.. each your own bank account or joint account... etc.

 

Those are things that HAVE to be discussed prior to the wedding... I'm sure I'm missing on more important stuff...

 

That way you prevent a lot of arguments and fights and frustrations.

[corazoncito]

Lizzie's advice is good to just discuss the highlights of the book with him. (Lizzie, I know you're not a believer in monogamy, but the irony is that you'd probably make a good marriage counselor. You have a lot of "insider" insights that might help women figure out what's going on in their husbands' heads.)

 

You don't need to tell him your questions come from a book. Just make it a normal conversation.

 

If you really want a book though, there's one I've heard of that's called something like "1000 questions". You have to order it over the internet from a specific website, I don't think it's sold in stores. I don't know the URL, but you can probably google it (apparently there's another book sold in stores that has a similar title but is apparently not so good). Anyway, it's just a bunch of questions for couples to ask each other, some serious, some goofy. I've heard people say it's useful. Maybe your BF would be willing to look at is since it's the kind of thing you can just flip open to any page and read as long or as short as you like. Perfect bathroom reading, right? Good luck!