Joe Posted December 28, 1999 Share Posted December 28, 1999 Ok this is the situation briefly described: Went out with girl for 11 months Girl treated me like ##### (see below) Loved girl with all my heart did whatever humanly possible for her On 11 month anniversary she said she wanted to breakup Girl wants to be friends Short email chain letter after breakup turns ugly Heart shattered completely Life falls apart I avoid girl and have not talked to her has been 3 months since breakup still love girl deeply yet hate her at same time Thats the breakdown problem is that my best friend recently told me she wants to be friends and is hurting that I am not friends with her. I still love her even though she put me through Dantes Inferno. I loved her ultimatly and put her as my top priority in life. She wants to be friends. WHAT DO I DO??? Read below before writing a response. (((((((examples of her treating me like #####: -partying with friends instead of spending Valentines day with me -didnt spend my birthday with me -always put friends, hobbies, school, work, liesure time, etc, ahead of me -MANY rumors of her cheating on me -flirts with everybody (Even my best friend) -lied to me about where she spent a night that was suppose to be a date (she went out with another guy- as friends, or so she says) -wanted to go out with yet another guy on our 6 month anniversary, yet she did spend it with me -VERY difficult time getting a date with her because shes so "busy" doing other things ( once it took me 4 weeks to get a date with her) -no sex (-questionable reason but worth mentioning) -didnt give me another chance after breakup ))))))))) I cant believe I love this girl!!!!!!!!!! Why do I love her???????? DAMN IT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jackie Posted December 28, 1999 Share Posted December 28, 1999 wow, i hate to say it about another woman, but this girl sounds like a total bitch. i can't believe you put up with it for as long as you did. was she ever sorry for doing these things to you? i would probably not choose to be her friend until a long, long time had passed (years). ask yourself if a person who did these things to you would be considered a friend by anyone in their right mind. friends by definition are nice to each other. this person hasn't been nice at all. if it hurts her, well, she just may have to deal with that. it is not your responsibilty to treat her with a respect for her feelings that she never gave to you. sometimes we like people who treat us badly. it's a terrible thing to go through. take care of yourself and figure out why you may think that you don't deserve to be well loved. if you don't, you may find yourself falling for the same kind of girl all over again, while a gem of a woman passes you by. love is about mutual respect, passion, and friendship. never give your heart to someone who can't be trusted to be compassionate to your feelings. my best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe Posted December 29, 1999 Share Posted December 29, 1999 Yes she did say she was sorry for what she did. She said she didnt think our relationship was as bad as I had said, yet Im sure it wasnt for her since I was there every beck and call. I dont think she understands what shes done to me because she has never been rejected by someone she truly loved. Another thing is that we have absolutly nothing in common. I could always find ommon ground when together brcause I loved her so much but as friends I dont know what the hell we would do. Whenever I see her around just that glance for a second bringd back all the pain she brought me. Is it even posssible to be her friend? Should I talk to her and forive her? Im just afraid that if im her friend she will just want to hurt me agian in any way possible because it just seems she has fun giving me serious pain. Some advice please. And thank you very much for the previous response, it did give some insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Kyra Posted December 30, 1999 Share Posted December 30, 1999 Firstly, I agree with everything Jackie said. Very insightful, and sadly for you, very true. She sounds like a particularly uncaring and self-interested person. It is also true that for a whole bunch of reasons to do with lack of self-esteem, there are many of us in the world who find people that treat us badly, as in some ridiculous way, attractive. "Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen", is not said for nothing. We also tend to find more attractive, the ones that we have to "fight" for. When love comes too easily, we sometimes think, "Hmm, well, that wasn't much of a challenge..."; they then seem a bit....boring to us actually, and lose their appeal. Dare I offend any of the many lovely men out there, but you have just experienced what most women have experienced since time began. I don't wish to generalize, but seriously, ask any of the women you know about their relationship histories and you will hear these types of horror stories, over and over again. I hope it's not true, but perhaps some of the younger women out there, who have watched in horror, their mothers behaving like doormats to their fathers, are now beginning to turn the tables and think, "No way...I'll get in first...". This is NOT good. Because if everybody instead began treating each other with kindness and respect, these hurtful, manipulative games would not "need" to go on...by either sex. My advice? Move on hon, you deserve much better. And I don't think any friendship she could offer you would be anything other than self-serving for HER either. Good luck. Ok this is the situation briefly described: Went out with girl for 11 months Girl treated me like ##### (see below) Loved girl with all my heart did whatever humanly possible for her On 11 month anniversary she said she wanted to breakup Girl wants to be friends Short email chain letter after breakup turns ugly Heart shattered completely Life falls apart I avoid girl and have not talked to her has been 3 months since breakup still love girl deeply yet hate her at same time Thats the breakdown problem is that my best friend recently told me she wants to be friends and is hurting that I am not friends with her. I still love her even though she put me through Dantes Inferno. I loved her ultimatly and put her as my top priority in life. She wants to be friends. WHAT DO I DO??? Read below before writing a response. (((((((examples of her treating me like #####: -partying with friends instead of spending Valentines day with me -didnt spend my birthday with me -always put friends, hobbies, school, work, liesure time, etc, ahead of me -MANY rumors of her cheating on me -flirts with everybody (Even my best friend) -lied to me about where she spent a night that was suppose to be a date (she went out with another guy- as friends, or so she says) -wanted to go out with yet another guy on our 6 month anniversary, yet she did spend it with me -VERY difficult time getting a date with her because shes so "busy" doing other things ( once it took me 4 weeks to get a date with her) -no sex (-questionable reason but worth mentioning) -didnt give me another chance after breakup ))))))))) I cant believe I love this girl!!!!!!!!!! Why do I love her???????? DAMN IT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guy Posted December 30, 1999 Share Posted December 30, 1999 I agree with Kyra...get out of that situation. Sounds like the situation is that she wants to live the single life. Spending time with friends and doing things apart is healthy in a relationship. But if you're last priority to her then she doesn't think of the relationship as very important. Trust me I've been there. If you two get time only when it's there, if she won't make time for you, then she's just not willing to put work into the relationship. She wants to party and flirt and enjoy the single life but she still gets to have a boyfriend when it's convientient. Like you mentioned she probably doesn't realize she's doing it but the problem is that she thinks of herself first. And she'll continue to do that as long as she can get a way with it. I don't know what it is with girls wanting to be friends with someone they left. It's such a bad idea. Usually after a break up at least one person is still in love with the other and you can't be friends with someone you're in love with. So what you get is one person wanting a friend and the other using the frienship as a way to cling to the other hoping eventually they'll get back together. Sound healthy to you? Make a clean break with this women. The only way you're going to really be able to put your own feelings together is to get some distance for her. Once you get back to life without her in it then you'll be in a situation to be friends with her. Ok this is the situation briefly described: Went out with girl for 11 months Girl treated me like ##### (see below) Loved girl with all my heart did whatever humanly possible for her On 11 month anniversary she said she wanted to breakup Girl wants to be friends Short email chain letter after breakup turns ugly Heart shattered completely Life falls apart I avoid girl and have not talked to her has been 3 months since breakup still love girl deeply yet hate her at same time Thats the breakdown problem is that my best friend recently told me she wants to be friends and is hurting that I am not friends with her. I still love her even though she put me through Dantes Inferno. I loved her ultimatly and put her as my top priority in life. She wants to be friends. WHAT DO I DO??? Read below before writing a response. (((((((examples of her treating me like #####: -partying with friends instead of spending Valentines day with me -didnt spend my birthday with me -always put friends, hobbies, school, work, liesure time, etc, ahead of me -MANY rumors of her cheating on me -flirts with everybody (Even my best friend) -lied to me about where she spent a night that was suppose to be a date (she went out with another guy- as friends, or so she says) -wanted to go out with yet another guy on our 6 month anniversary, yet she did spend it with me -VERY difficult time getting a date with her because shes so "busy" doing other things ( once it took me 4 weeks to get a date with her) -no sex (-questionable reason but worth mentioning) -didnt give me another chance after breakup ))))))))) I cant believe I love this girl!!!!!!!!!! Why do I love her???????? DAMN IT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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