HokeyReligions Posted March 11, 2003 Share Posted March 11, 2003 I see people with questions about handling finances after marriage. I know I have stated that I am in favor of a pre-nup, but I guess I have a condition on that. If one person comes into the marriage with hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets, and the other comes into a marriage with little or nothing, I think it only prudent to to obtain a pre-nup. But to hear people talking about who will pay which bill, and how to set up separate accounts and joint accounts, etc. I guess I just don't get it. Marriage is becoming one, to me that means every debt is merged and income is merged and it's all just paid together. Why wouldn't one partner want to help the other? It's part of being UNITED. The idea of keeping separate accounts and paying for things separately seems like sort of a cop-out to the marriage - like saying, [color=blue]"yeah, we're married, but it's not set in stone"[/color] kind of thing. I mean, why stop at some bills. Why not each person pay for everything separately. Food, toothpaste, etc. Some couples keep separate checking accounts and each write a check for the bills each month. I just don't get it. My husband and I merged everything. We took care of the debts we brought separately into the marriage, together. Don't get me wrong - we each have our own "mad" money or stash-o-cash, that we keep out of the budget. We give ourselves an allowance each week and spend it how we want (usually on each other) but everything else is budgeted including items that are specific to one person (clothes, toiletries, etc.); and entertainment such as DVD's that only he likes, or books that only I like. How do you all handle finances? What do you think is the best way? [color=darkblue][font=century gothic][note: there is no right or wrong way - we are all different and need to find what works best for us][/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 11, 2003 Share Posted March 11, 2003 HOKEY said: Some couples keep separate checking accounts and each write a check for the bills each month. this is what DH and I do, and it's worked out pretty well. Of course, when we set up separate bank accounts, it was because he was working overseas and it was easier to manage finances this way, though we did agree that he would put XX amount of dollars into our joint account to pay bills. My paycheck also goes into that account, but I've got control over it simply because he hates dealing with the checkbook! I do agree with the statement that marriage unites you, and you shouldn't be quibbling over who pays what . It would be nice to have your spouse tell you that he'll help you clear your debts, I think, but it shouldn't be expected because he wasn't the one who ran them up. Most folks find a solution that works for all parties involved, but you've got to be willing to communicate on the issue, not just assume that the other person will automatically say yes/no. Link to post Share on other sites
clairvoyant Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 My husband and I got married in June of 2002. We believe in the whole "becoming one" thing. The debts that we each had before we got married are now our debts, not his debts or my debts. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 People of the newer generations are, in large part, far more selfish than earlier generations and much less willing to share money or handle the debts of others. It's very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 is selfish the right word here? I agree with the theory about different generations having different ways, because I know my own parents just shake their head in wonder and disbelief when we talk about how they handle issues compared to how I or my husband and I handle them. I guess it's that maybe we're a little more independent-minded than my parents generation, and its hard to imagine doing things they way they did them, even though it worked for them. And I guess that's why we see so many folks, from say the baby-boomer generation on down, who have a much different attitude about marriage and commitment than folks in their 60s and 70s. Link to post Share on other sites
clairvoyant Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 I think it has more to do with preference than selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
sheeba Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 to me-marriage is about combining everything-but i am an advocate of separate finances in ONE situation. if you are a second wive and stepmother, as i am, i believe a person has the right to be secure in the fact that any alimonies or child support is being paid directly by the partner who incurred those responsibilities-and a separate account might be the way to go with that. Link to post Share on other sites
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