Tuesday Night Fight

[mahned137]

So I'm posting because I really don't know what to do. I want to work things out with her -- I've cared more about her the past few months than ever -- but I'm having a hard time dealing with what happened. And my "insanity" bothers her. So please, read through it and give me your opinions.

 

 

So I'm 22 and she's 19. We've been together for two years, minus a two week break in early June. (We lived together this past year -- away at school, and broke up when we moved back from school. While separated, I made out with my ex-girlfriend, she made out with "Kevin". We got back together and got over it.)

 

 

Now.. Tuesday night...

 

 

I'm temporarily living with my parents. They returned from out of town, stressed and angry with my sister and I. She wasn't home, so I got it all taken out on me. They told me to leave.

 

My girlfriends at work. We had plans for dinner and a movie, so I figured I'd leave when she got off and stay at her place. She calls me when she gets off and instead tells me she made plans for a "PJ party" with some girls from her work.

 

I'm angry. I was already in a bad mood because of my parents. Further, when I canceled plans at the last minute the week before, she was pretty mad with me. Finally, I now have no where to go or stay for the night.

 

I hang up on her. I send her mean text messages. She sends them right back -- she feels like I'm too needy, she tells me to grow up. I still haven't told her why I'm in such a mood, or that I needed somewhere to stay -- I'm just angry. I tell her I'm just going to go to the bar and pick up a girl to stay with (I wouldn't really do this, and she should know that.) She tells me we're over. I explain that my parents kicked me out. She says "too late".

 

I go the bar with a friend. I get pretty drunk. I call her to make up. She doesn't answer.

 

I show up at her place at bar close. She's drunk. She invited over "Kevin" and his friend. She won't talk to me. She won't let me in. She says we're over.

 

I'm hysterical now. I can't believe he's there. I force my way in and argue with her. He gets angry and his friend punches me. His friend gets me to the ground and ultimately breaks my ankle. I leave. They stay.

 

I come back about a half hour later and she comes out to my car to talk to me. She refuses to talk. Again says we're over. She says he's just there as a friend though.

 

I call her non-stop, because like I said, I'm hysterical. I send her a million text messages. I just don't want this to be happening.

 

I finally give up and goto bed. I wake up at 7 am and go back over to talk to her, since she won't answer my calls. I knock and no answer. The door is open so I go in. He's lying in bed with her. I'm irate. I call her a slut. She doesn't hear because she's half drunk half asleep. I start taking my belongings and loading them into my car -- a TV, a computer, etc.

 

Midway through the move (I'm going slow on a broken ankle), she wakes up and locks her door. She calls the police and accuses me of burglary. She says I gave her the computer so I'm stealing it.

 

The police come to my parents house at 8 am and wake them up. They force my father to drive to her apartment and pick up my TV. They tell me not to ever call her again.

 

A few hours later she calls me. Long story short, we both calm down.

 

That's the fight. Since then....

 

She claims she only made out with him. I tend to believe her, they were fully clothed when I came in the room. She claims he stayed to protect her, as my irrationality when I found him there scared her. I don't believe this at all. I told her so and that I thought she had planned for him to stay all along, whether consciously or not. She pretty much conceded.

 

I really want to work things out, she means everything to me, but I don't know what to do. She wants to work things out too, but she isn't making enough of an effort (in my opinion) to get my forgiveness. She picked me up from the hospital (where they checked out my foot) and I stayed with her and we talked, but I expect her to do something completely unexpected and/or to sacrifice something to show how apologetic she is.

 

Meanwhile, we've talked about seeing a relationship counselor before.. namely when we separated for a couple weeks earlier this summer. She wants to again, and offered to pay for it. (which, if she did, would probably constitute a showing of apology in my mind)

 

....................

 

What do I do? How badly did she mess up? How badly did I mess up? Is it worth pursuing?

[brightskies]

Hi Mahned,

 

You're not insane. It sounds like this relationship has been through the wringer. Honestly, it's probably best to cut your losses at this point. Too much damage and bad history have been made. This last minute bailing on each other to hang out with other people, friends or not, is really disrespectful. Sleeping with or making out with other people and expecting things to be the same after doesn't work. A lot of trust has been destroyed. And stop deluding both of yourselves, Kevin isn't just a friend.

 

The clincher is, she didn't seem to give a damn even after her two "friends" ganged up on you and your ankle was freaking broken. I think her feelings have moved on. If she stays in contact with you, it'll be out of pity, out of habit, and maybe some residual feelings. But it won't be out of genuine love. Gather what little dignity you have left and let her go. You need to love and respect yourself first, or you'll keep having women walk all over you. I don't mean be a selfish ass*, just treat yourself well, and don't take this kind of crap from anybody.

[annabelle75]

Yikes. You got mad at her for breaking plans (after you did the same to her the previous week), didn't explain why you were so mad, instead threatened to go out and sleep with an other woman. Then you started harrassing her after she told you the realtionship was over. Stormed in and picked a fight with her friends, looted her house the next morning and got mad at her for having a male friend spend the night to keep an eye on the situation after you spent the entire evening harrassing her? I'm sorry but as soon as you threatened to hook up with another woman and she said it was over, you had no right to be mad at her. She was probably just as upset as you were. She went out got drunk and made out with another guy. Not an uncommon way for people to deal with break ups. You're lucky she didn't actually sleep with him.

 

She doesn't owe you an apology. You overreacted. You're lucky she's willing to give you another chance. Calm down and try to not screw it up this time.

[mahned137]

two very different replies...

[KenzieAbsolutely]

it sounds like she made up the sleepover to have a reason to fight with you so she could cheat on you "without guilt."

 

sorry. i'm a girl who has done that before and it sounds like the same thing.

[brightskies]

The point is, you both made plenty of mistakes, to the point of doing some irrepairable damage. You lost your self-restraint, she's been messing around with someone else, lots of problems. You don't need this kind of screwy drama in your life, and you don't NEED to be with this one girl. She already has somebody else, even if she denies it. You need to move on. And Kenzie makes a really good case. Your ex-gf has probably had her eye on Kevin for a while and is trying to weasel out of your relationship by creating these fights, pushing you away. She wants out, or at the very least, she wants someone else. Accept and let go. Trying to hold onto her is just going to make things uglier down the road.

 

two very different replies...

[Cobra_X30]

Dude, your story is messed up.

 

1. You have issues you need to fix way beyond this relationship. You dont treat a girl like that, just like Annabelle said.

 

2. This girl is poison anyway. Let her go, because you treat each other like crap.

 

BTW I would never get as out of control as you did, but if somebody broke my ankle, I would have contacted the police first. If that didnt pan out I gaurantee I would do something really dumb, so Its best to just avoid situations like this all together. This woman just isnt worth it.

[zilverenvlinder]

You'll both get over it.

[East of Jupiter]

You are 22 years old. She is 19.

 

Are you doing something constructive? Like education? Work?

 

This is a very bad start to a possible bad marriage. Sometimes we are just not a good match with another person. Even if you forgive, you are never going to forget this night and "Kevin."

 

You are quite young and have a lot yet to experience. Concentrate on you for a while and becoming the secure guy that is going to make a future wife hysterically happy.

[littlepiggy1]

Sounds like a pretty FUBAR'd situation to me. Cut loose, fix your own sh*t, then eventually you'll be ready for a relationship. It just doesn't sound like you are right now.