Ex acting Passive Aggressively

[heartoutside]

Well its' only been a month since we broke up and a little over a week with true NC. But I think I'll eventually let her go and the idea of her coming back. It can be said time and time again, she's not coming back, but the hurt is still fresh and so is the love.

[Chinook]

I know. I wish I didn't know but I do. You'll get there, eventually.

[heartoutside]

That is kind of harsh Chinook and I'm still not sold on it, and I can't explain why. I've been in several relationships where I know it's done you just know, but there are so many little things that have happened and I can't really explain them in words (if that makes sense). The good news is though I know I'm making progress. I remember about a week before I went on my trip to south america I went to the gym and I was just looking out the window and this total sense of sadness came over me, like a ton of bricks. I came home and my brother was here at the time, and I just lost it....for a good hour or so I was at rock bottom, and total mess, I mean I was totally hopeless. I'm almost embarrased to say so.

 

Now, I'm not really dealing with the sadness, but more of the questions that are still looming. Like for example, why she came to my place while I was in south america, stayed to check her mail, took a nap in my bed, drank 2 of my beers and didn't take any of her stuff. Why is she acting so INSANE....seriously, no one can figure out what is going on in her head. Right now she's a totally different person and she's not the person I feel in love with, I know that, everyone else knows that, she doesn't.

 

But I'm making progress, that much I know and that right now is the only thing that is certain. I went in and out of feelings today, but no real sadness, that is the worst. Just questions, or thoughts or thinking. For example......and here it is, you guys can hate me, I hate me....but I looked at her myspace today Her friend moved from 5 to 3....yes, immature to even think anything of it. But you know it didn't really bug me, not like it did 4 weeks ago when this kid slowly started climb'n the ranks, or when she changed her relationship status. I didn't get that feeling in my stomach, where your insides feel like they just drop right out of you...So that kind of was on my mind today. How would I deal with this kid if I came across him at a bar....How would I act around both of them....how should I act? (any suggestions?)

 

Frd, I was reading some of your posts from way back, I didn't really know your story from the beginning (i'm still reading:rolleyes:), how would you say things look for you? If you don't mind me asking? Have you decided to just move on, if she comes back would you take her? Do you guys still talk? Have you called her?

 

I feel our situation is similar in some respects, but in others, totally different. Your ex seems to have a better grasp of what is going on, or at least is dealing with it in a more mature fashion.

 

Frd I'll try and finish the rest of your posts tonight if possible. I know right now, as I'm sitting here, that I will be fine. I just need some patience and let time work out what it will. The only thing I can control right now is me and my actions, and I'm choosing to ignore her as best as I can and focus on me............ What she does is her problem. A friend of mine today, the only real friend I have here in the city that is not in our mutual circle of friends, sad to me, "it's sounds like your ex is making some real big mistakes right now, not just with you but for herself, and there will be a time when she will realize it." Wasn't just refering to us, but where she moved and the situation she has put herself in. When the fun of summer ends, reality is going to hit hard.

[heartoutside]

I have a question for you guys.....Caliguy, Fdr, Dr strangelove, and anyone else......

 

When this all first took place about 5 weeks ago, I did NC for 4 days and she called saying she missed me and loves me. We talked that afternoon and she said she basically was just confused and needed to figure things out. I told her she can take all the time she needs, and I told her how I felt and she said she felt the same way, just really confused. I drove her to work the next day, and she said Yeah I guess we're broken up, I feel the same about you, there just isn't the title of GF....I'm sure I've went all over this before. Anyway, I go on vacation and she sends me text messages just about every day...and like an idoit I tell our mutual friend that she's doing this and he takes it upon himself to tell her to stop...

I get back and her stuff is still her even though she said she would get it out, and I explain to her on the phone what our friend said isn't what I meant, I just told her that her texting me was kind of confusing and I wanted to give her the space she needed. We talked one more time after that, nothing too amazing...and then I went to south america and it kind of became a mess. I didn't want anyone to rub it in her face and she felt I was trying to hide it from her and got made at both me and my friend who told her. She now won't speak to our friend and has spoken to me twice, once being pissed off that I asked her to get her stuff out of my (our old) place and to give me the keys for my new roommate, it was nothing personal just a simple fact.

 

Anyway, the reason I'm posting this recap is because I've been reading some of Fdr's old postings, esp the one posted on and around the end of march and into april. At first I felt that giving her space and not letting her talk to me would let her figure things out. Before I left for my first vacation, she wanted to hang out when I got back. But everyone suggested that would be a bad idea, that I should just do NC...but the text message thing some what changed that idea......

 

Now I'm thinking I've pushed her away even more.....I'm not saying anything is different from the post before this, but this is one of the questions that has been running throuhg my head lately. That this guy is her childish way of trying to piss me off, because before I went on my first vacation I didn't even know about this kid. Or he's just a replacement male attention.....I dont' know....I just thinking. I know she's the one that asked for the break, but I'm starting to think that maybe along the line I did mess things up a little. I know I should have never talked to our friends or gotten them involved. But I'm not sure what else can be done, or if anything should be done, or I should just have patience?

[frd150]

Now, I'm not really dealing with the sadness, but more of the questions that are still looming. Like for example, why she came to my place while I was in south america, stayed to check her mail, took a nap in my bed, drank 2 of my beers and didn't take any of her stuff. Why is she acting so INSANE....seriously, no one can figure out what is going on in her head. Right now she's a totally different person and she's not the person I feel in love with, I know that, everyone else knows that, she doesn't

.

 

Just like why does my ex come around and check up. Why does she not take her things home. Why did she put them back right in front of me. We may never know.

 

But I'm making progress, that much I know and that right now is the only thing that is certain. I went in and out of feelings today, but no real sadness, that is the worst. Just questions, or thoughts or thinking. For example......and here it is, you guys can hate me, I hate me....but I looked at her myspace today Her friend moved from 5 to 3....yes, immature to even think anything of it. But you know it didn't really bug me, not like it did 4 weeks ago when this kid slowly started climb'n the ranks, or when she changed her relationship status. I didn't get that feeling in my stomach, where your insides feel like they just drop right out of you...So that kind of was on my mind today. How would I deal with this kid if I came across him at a bar....How would I act around both of them....how should I act? (any suggestions?)

 

Well your braver than I am. I cant even look at hers. Im sure Ive been removed. Who knows and no not knowing is not killing me. My relationship with her did not need to be validated by myspace.

 

How should you act?? I ask myself the same question. Well, all I can say for now is act indifferent. Remember "fake it" This will bother her more than you lashing out and for longer. It will also make you the bettter person.

 

Dude, this "kid" is in for one hell of a ride. Think about it. He is a rebound and odds are he is going to get crushed. We may see him here with us and not even know its him. Your ex ran to him because it was easy. Instant companionship so that she would not have to think about what she did to you.

 

 

 

Frd, I was reading some of your posts from way back, I didn't really know your story from the beginning (i'm still reading:rolleyes:), how would you say things look for you? If you don't mind me asking? Have you decided to just move on, if she comes back would you take her? Do you guys still talk? Have you called her?

No no, ask away. If i did not want to share and or help I would not be here. Who knows you may find some clues for your situation In my story. If anything you might get some good entertainment out of it;). Yeah it long but wierd.

 

How do things look?? Well, not sure anymore. What I have decided is to full respect her and give her all the space she needs. One day she may wake up and realize the grass is not always greener but I am not holding my breath. Now, I live for me. Gotta get it back. Gotta be healed for the next and hopefully final relationship. Right now I think that if she came back we would have alot to discuss. I dont think I would take her you know like bam shes back and its all good. No. She hurt the heck out of me and just like she would be the one to have to convince me that its for real.

 

We talk ,yes. But not as often. She calls mostly always with an excuse and then it turns into just a conversation. Last week ...thursday I think. Yeah that was the last time. we talked and then played a bit of phone tag but I was the last to call her. Something in me says that if I call her back again I will look needy. Mistake maybe. What do you think?

 

she knows how to reach me and she knows i will not ignore her.

 

I feel our situation is similar in some respects, but in others, totally different. Your ex seems to have a better grasp of what is going on, or at least is dealing with it in a more mature fashion.

Similar yes in alot of ways. Why do you think I post on your threads? Better grasp I dunno. Me and her best friend are very confused. She is not being the girl we all knew. More mature... hmmmm. I could go on and on about this. You can PM me if you want. I have this sneaking feeling that one of her co-workers might of caught on to me being here. Just a feeling. Well ,read back at some of her actions and behavior and you will see.

 

Frd I'll try and finish the rest of your posts tonight if possible. I know right now, as I'm sitting here, that I will be fine. I just need some patience and let time work out what it will. The only thing I can control right now is me and my actions, and I'm choosing to ignore her as best as I can and focus on me............ What she does is her problem.

 

Good man. It all we can do as we cannot control what they are goingto do. When i figure out how I will let you know. Don't hold your breath.

 

 

A friend of mine today, the only real friend I have here in the city that is not in our mutual circle of friends, sad to me, "it's sounds like your ex is making some real big mistakes right now, not just with you but for herself, and there will be a time when she will realize it." Wasn't just refering to us, but where she moved and the situation she has put herself in. When the fun of summer ends, reality is going to hit hard.

 

 

I have heard the same thing from her best friend and others that are close. Even non mutual friends have said something similar.

 

Yup summer is near an end and the reality, well you know. What about our reality. We are aware... if that makes sence? we have the advantage. We need to be prepared for our reality when it finally fully hits.

[heartoutside]

I have a movie for everyone to watch......High Fidelity.... or read the book, they're both good

 

let me know what you think. It's been a fav of mine since it came out 7 years ago, never thought I would be watch'n like this though.

 

 

The one thing that does bother me about this kid, is she had a class with him last spring, so i'm guessing that's how they met, that class ended in may. Things weren't any different between then and the time we broke up so I don't know if she was cheating on me with him, or if she had thoughts about him or what. When I asked her point blank if there was anyone else she said no, and others have asked her as well and she said no. But who knows maybe she's lying. So maybe it is just, he's there and that's that.....who knows.

 

If I felt I was dating someone, and I still saw that my girlfriend had pictures of her ex all over myspace and was actually still wanting to be friends with him, I don't know if I would stand for it and I would probably help her get her stuff out of his place and help her move on as fast as possible. And after hearing that he got super jeolous when he saw her put her arm around one of our good guy friends, I have a feeling it's trouble. That's one of the things she loved about me, I didn't get jeolous, not like her past relationships.

[heartoutside]

Well she dropped the keys off at work. Deep down I was kind of hoping she didn't, then I would have known something was trully up. But the thing I don't get it is she had tons of time to drop them off at work, which isn't too far from her new place. Also, she has a different schedule this week, because she has to use up all her vacation time, so I don't konw when when she would be in and she knows that. I did know that she was in last nigth at work, so I figured she would drop the keys off then, but what I ddin't know is that she came into work this morning at 10. This is a retail store, so the store opens at 9. Luckly I got there at 9:15 and she wasn't there. But why would she take that risk of us running into each other? She didn't text me to tell me she dropped the keys off, or to tell me that she would be working such and such time.

 

I keep running these questions through my head, I'm starting to write them down.

 

 

Like why did she send me text messages every day that I was on vacation the first time? Why did she get mad that I went to south america and felt that I was trying to hide it from her create some kind of conspiracy?

 

 

I want to ask our mutual friend if she's dating this kid, or what....but I guess that would just get me more pissed off.....I don't know...I'm lost....

 

I"m hurting today, badly. I went to myspace.....i can't stop...I'm trying, i

really am... I'll go a few days without looking at her page, then I'll look at it. I looked at it just now, and she took some of the pics out of me and her from new years eve and one of me saying I was a cutie.

 

I want to text her saying I got the keys, but I don't know if thats the right thing to do......I know that I messed up communication a little over the past couple of weeks, but at the same time it's a 2 way street.

 

Man this sucks......it's funny, I was having such a good day yesterday....now there's today I'm lost once again....and hurting..

[heartoutside]

So yesterday was a hard day, I'm not sure why? I guess because she dropped her keys off at work which kind of set things in motion. I'm having a hard time understanding how someone who you trusted and shared your love with could suddenly be so selffish and thrown everything back in your face. I've been nothing but nice to her since she left me.....and all she's done is thrown it back in my face. And then there are the questions, why did she get mad when I went to south america and didn't tell anyone, why did she not get her stuff out, why didn't she just get this new guy to help her move out, if he thinks he's dating her I'm sure he would have done it, why did she get mad when I asked her nicely to get her stuff out and drop the keys off, why did she take so long to drop the keys off......all these quesitons have one thing in common, she's still holding on to something emotionally, I just don't know what it is.

 

I was working with a friend of mine yesterday who is totally outside of our circle of friends and he said that basically she's nutz, and that I shouldn't take her back now, or ever. The only way I should take her back is if she comes crawling back and fixs what she's done. I haven't done anything, I didin't cause this, and if she were somewhat sane right now and acting somewhat mature, she would be able to see that.

 

My friend also said something kind of funny. He said you should check her email or at least see if she's changed her email password. His logic is everyone changes their email password after they break up with someone. If they don't and they know you know it, they are just asking you to look at with out saying it. I don't think I'll go there, it seems wrong to me. He's not saying to read her email but to look and see.....still I don't know...

 

Another funny thing I discovered yesterday was on myspace. Our mutual friend, the same friend whos couch I spent 4 days on, has added my ex's new guy "friend" to his list of friends. Not in the top or anywhere near, but about 2 or 3 weeks ago, our friend said straight to my exs face that he didn't trust this guy. And now they're friends. I've thought about asking him about it, saying something along the lines of I thought you didn't trust him, now he's your friend? But my gut is saying to just ignore it..........

 

One other thing that I think brought me down yesterday was that I found out that the retail store that she and I both work for is having a store wide meeting in a couple weekends. I really don't work there that much maybe once or twice a month and can avoid her with no problem, but I know she'll be at the meeting and I'm a little worried about that. I've thought about just quiting, but it's a good job to have when things in my freelance business get slow, it pays well. And I know I look good, I've lost 15 pounds, have been working at (everyone keeps asking me if I'm working out) my 6 pack is starting to come back (it was lost under all that love fat). So what should I do? Should I just go and let it be? Quit, ask if I can skip it (I already skip the last one that took place a few weeks after we first broke up, so if i skip this one I may risk my job) or just go, look my best and walk out...do I talk to her? Ignore her? What?

[heartoutside]

Now, I find myself wondering what she's doing?! Did this new guy pick her from work, like I always did, are they hanging out now, or is she just at home, like me?! It sucks. To be honest, I wish she would just tell me that she's seeing this kid or someone would. I know she told our friend that she isn't, but I need to know...I need closure, I'm getting dragged along here, and it sucks......I'm trying to set up some more trips to get away, trips that she and I had planned before she broke up with me. We'll see if she gets pissed off about those.......I don't know why I'm holding on, I can't figure that out! Through out the day I have moments where I feel free, I feel like I've moved on, but then I have moments like these where I start to question everything and look on things and start to anaylze every little detail and I mean every little detail......GOD......