blueman Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Ok so a little backgroung for you. I have been dating this girl for 2 years and we have been roughly 170 miles apart for all of it. We try to see each other every other weekend. I am 21 as is she. Roughly 3 months ago while i was staying at her parents house they decided to go looking in my car and found a small bag of pot. Yes it was mine and my gf and i had been smoking pot about once or twice a month for about 4 months. The parents never mentioned anything to us but 2 weekends later i was in a deep conversation with my gf's mom because my gf's parents were on the fence about kicking my gf out of the house due to her lack of responsibility. Then in the middle of the conversation her mother tells me that she found weed in my car and asks me if her daqughter and i have been smoking pot. I felt at that moment that if i said yes that my gf would be kicked out and sent to live with her nanna. So i made up a story saying that the night before i came up my friends were smoking some weed and they must have left it in my car. My gf did not get kicked out and things got better. Now 3 weekends ago we decided to smoke some pot with one of my gf's friends at her parents house very late at night. her parents have 5 acres and we thought we would be ok............. wrong her mother caught us and sent my gf and her friend to bed and i stayed in the guesthouse. The next morning i was told to go home and when i tried to apologize her mother told me to just leave so i did. Her parents have decided to not allow me back at their house ever again as well as not call the house. They also told my gf that they do not approve of our relationship. It has only been a week and my gf has gone from sounding sympathetic to our situation to putting all the blame on me. She sounds like her mom in our phone conversations and I cant seem to get her to undertsand that all 3 of us did this. For the record i def. realize the mistake we all made and i agree with the decision for me to not be allowed at their house anymore however i feel that not accepting our relationship is going a bit far considering the fact that i have done many things for not only my gf but her family going abover and beyond on many occasions. I am at a point where i need to decide what to do because i am worried that the constant negative feedback she is getting from her parents will cause our relationship to crumble and i dont know what to do. I have no idea how to talk to my gf and any time i try to discuss the incident my gf tells me basically that its my fault. I suppose that one mistake is going to be the cause of a shattered relationship but id appreciate any insight. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Davey McG Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 "i was in a deep conversation with my gf's mom because my gf's parents were on the fence about kicking my gf out of the house due to her lack of responsibility" I think that basically her parents are right and what's happened here is her refusing to take any responsibility for what happened. It also sounds a very controlling relationship she has with her parents (sending a 21-year old to bed?!?!) What were her parents doing searching your car? Did they have a warrant? Why hasn't she stood up for you? Why aren't you angry with her? Sure, her parents don't like you and perhaps disapprove of the green, but she's not standing up for you either. These things can go either way but you need to be strong. I would suggest going without contact for a while and give her some time to try and sort herself out. I say this because a friend was recently in a similar situation and figured out it would be best to for him wait for her to come back to him. She did, but it took a month or so. Now he's not sure he wants her back... but thats another story entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueman Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 i spoke to her today and she told me that she feels like i abandoned her and left her to deal with all the **** from her rents. I explained that i attempted to discuss things with her mom the morning after only to have her mother tell me to take off. I offered to even write an APOLOGY letter but all she saqid is it wont do anything and that she is so mad that i didn't do what was needed to make things better. The whole thing is that there was absolutely nothing i could have done after the fact...... granted not smoking would have saved me from this problem but i think you may be on to a good point Davey, im just gonna have to no contact with her and hope she comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey McG Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 Good luck! Let us know how it works out as others could learn from your story Link to post Share on other sites
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