The conclusion (?) to my saga.

[zilverenvlinder]

So, I ignored what some of you told me to do and decided face-to-face was the best way. (This was last night, by the way.)

 

I went to his house after he got out of work and sat on the couch with him, and he proceeded to tell me all about how great his day was and how many compliments his boss gave him, and he was probably going to get a raise.

 

Then he told me about how next Saturday he wanted to take me and our mutual friends to go to this waterpark about an hour away.

 

After he said that, I replied with, "Well, that would be fine, but maybe it would be better if we just were friends right now."

 

And the look on his face, I can't even describe to you. It was hurt and he looked like he was going to be sick. I just wanted to hug him and tell him I was just kidding, but I didn't.

 

He really is my best friend, though. I spend every day with him, how can he not be?

 

He started yelling at me, "I thought we were going to work everything out! You told me we could work everything out!" He just kept repeating it.

 

So I said it didn't mean we couldn't be together in the future, but he would have to really show me what I meant to him. I told him to hang out with other girls, because I would be hanging out with other guys.

 

(BTW, guys, you'll be really proud of me... I've got a sort of "date" lined up for Thursday. It's no big deal, and it's a rebound, obviously, but it's a step.)

 

So he cried, and I cried, and I told him it would be all right, but he would have to get everything out of his system before we could ever be together, because I wanted to marry this guy and marriage is something that's supposed to last forever.

 

I was there for about two hours and I kissed him on the cheek and left. He hasn't called me since. But that was only last night, and I had a really hard time sleeping, but at least I can choke down food again without it coming back up. (Sorry for the visuals.)

 

I hope he goes out with the skank again to see how shallow girls like that are, and stupid. Because he's not going to find anyone as great as me... hate to be vain, but I'm a catch, and he is most certainly not.

 

Thank you guys for all your help and I will be needing you.

 

//z

[stillafool]

So, I ignored what some of you told me to do and decided face-to-face was the best way. (This was last night, by the way.)

 

I knew you would.

 

 

After he said that, I replied with, "Well, that would be fine, but maybe it would be better if we just were friends right now."

 

So you left the door open for him.

 

And the look on his face, I can't even describe to you. It was hurt and he looked like he was going to be sick. I just wanted to hug him and tell him I was just kidding, but I didn't.

 

Don't worry you will.

 

He really is my best friend, though. I spend every day with him, how can he not be?

 

Yeah, best friends ususally treat you the way he does.

 

So I said it didn't mean we couldn't be together in the future, but he would have to really show me what I meant to him. I told him to hang out with other girls, because I would be hanging out with other guys.

 

You don't really want him to be with other girls.

 

(BTW, guys, you'll be really proud of me... I've got a sort of "date" lined up for Thursday. It's no big deal, and it's a rebound, obviously, but it's a step.)

 

No actually I think it is too soon. Why start using other people?

 

So he cried, and I cried, and I told him it would be all right, but he would have to get everything out of his system before we could ever be together, because I wanted to marry this guy and marriage is something that's supposed to last forever.

 

This will never be out of his system. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you though.

 

 

I hope he goes out with the skank again to see how shallow girls like that are, and stupid. Because he's not going to find anyone as great as me... hate to be vain, but I'm a catch, and he is most certainly not.

 

Do you know this girl personally? How do you know she's a skank, shallow and stupid. If he is not a catch why do you still hope to marry him? How old are you?

[squeak]

That is great, I am so proud of you! You held your ground even though it would have been so much easier to fall back into old patterns!

 

You are better than him, and better than any of his side things, that was some sick need he had to fulfill and had no bearing on you!

 

He will do that no matter who he is with.

 

The leaving the door open part will make it hard for you when he starts begging his way back.....you don't want this guy back. He will never ever change.

[zilverenvlinder]

Thanks, squeak! :hugs: It was the most I could do right now. I really should go cold turkey, but it's a hard thing to do.

 

I mean, I really do have fun with him, when we're not talking about stupid crap and neither of us are being whiny bitches. I don't plan on seeing him for awhile but I'm starting a new job on Tuesday and it will definitely help me get over it.

 

My mother is taking me clothes shopping so I can have some nice stuff to wear. Thank God, I need that woman like crazy right now.

 

...

 

I'm almost 23.

 

No, I really don't care anymore if he's with other girls. With what happened last week, I have gotten over being sick about it anymore. I didn't say I still hoped to marry him, I'm saying that he has no more chances left and we can make a clean slate of it. I don't hate him and I don't want him out of my life forever, especially since all of our friends are mutual. I don't want there to be any hostility.

 

But I did promise not to bring around other guys if he didn't bring around other girls, if we should be in a situation where we would have to hang out.

 

Even though he probably will, to try to make me jealous.

[Lizzie60]

She left the door opened because she will take him back... it's quite clear in her post... she wants to marry this guy... her 'best friend' ha-hem... and this 'best friend' will cheat over and over again on her...

[a4a]

She left the door opened because she will take him back... it's quite clear in her post... she wants to marry this guy... her 'best friend' ha-hem... and this 'best friend' will cheat over and over again on her...

 

Hate to be a party pooper...... but you are right Liz.

 

She will end up marrying him soon (he will beg, lead her on to marry him to prove he "means well")...... So at 24 she will marry him... he will continue his side orders of "skanks" and finally after 2 kids she will tire of it likely have an A of her own..... end up divorced by 30.

 

Z dump him like a hot tater..... or this will be your future. You are begging to ruin your life if you keep him in your life in any form.

[Lizzie60]

where did you get that dick with an eye and two front teeth...

 

You are something else... gosh you're funny... I almost spit my coffee on my screen... :lmao:

[a4a]

where did you get that dick with an eye and two front teeth...

 

You are something else... gosh you're funny... I almost spit my coffee on my screen... :lmao:

 

It' my latest pet...... a mole rat.

 

His name is Ted.

 

Now stay on topic about Z's problem!

 

and sorry Z I wasn't trying to say you are "stupid" but this guy will figure out a way to sucker you back in again......

[zilverenvlinder]

No, no, you're right. I am a little stupid. But I gave it the old college try.

 

I just don't understand how everyone thinks he's going to try to sucker me back in when he does, you're right, have his huge side order of skanks? Especially when he told one of them he wanted to BE with her?

 

If he wants to BE with her, then why shouldn't he go ahead and do it?

[corazoncito]

I don't hate him and I don't want him out of my life forever, especially since all of our friends are mutual. I don't want there to be any hostility.

 

Would you still be so focused on keeping him around if you had friends who would sincerely support you either way and there was no social awkwardness?

 

Diversify your social circle by seeking out friends who aren't related to this group. This doesn't mean drop your current friends, but you don't always have to hang out with the same people and they don't all have to know one another. Don't make major life choices for yourself based on what these people might think or do. The way you describe them it sounds like a clique where you're not free to make your own decisions.

 

You will have to live with the man you marry for the rest of your life. Your current friends may not be around that long.

 

But I did promise not to bring around other guys if he didn't bring around other girls, if we should be in a situation where we would have to hang out.

 

Even though he probably will, to try to make me jealous.

 

It's over. You both are free to date whoever you want and bring them wherever you want. The other will have to deal.

 

If you broke up, why are you still planning on hanging out together? This is your choice. You're not forced to do anything because you have friends in common.

 

In my opinion, this isn't healthy. You need time apart. See my point about diversifying your group of friends.

[stillafool]

 

 

Diversify your social circle by seeking out friends who aren't related to this group. This doesn't mean drop your current friends, but you don't always have to hang out with the same people and they don't all have to know one another.

 

 

This is some of the best advice you can get at your age. I can't tell you how it can help you emotionally to have different sets of friends. Since you are starting a new job soon that is the perfect opportunity to meet new friends and keep them separate. A new group of friends is an excellent way to get over your boyfriend.

 

 

In my opinion, this isn't healthy. You need time apart. See my point about diversifying your group of friends.

 

It certainly is not healthy and to be honest with you it doesn't sound like you are serious. You need to be away from him to heal before you have contact with him again. Also it does sound too soon to start dating right away but given your age I can understand it.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

ARRGGHH! Z...

 

First of all, the waterpark thing next week, anything next week, any future things are like holding a carrot over your head. THAT is manipulation. The outrage at I can't believe you, you said we would work it out. Wow, he thought this was going to be easy! YOU promised him. That is not love, it is manipulation and self serving.

 

What he wants is to have it HIS way, you are merely a way to have it his way. I say go on that date Thursday as long as it's just a friendly date and the guy knows that upfront. Get your new dud's, put all of your energy into this new job, make new friends, and get over this person who thinks that YOU deserved to be manipulated and m istreated.

 

Let the skanks have him, they deserve him, not you! They won't be getting anymore than you have ever had. You don't need a best friend like that.

[Spectre]

First of all, why sink to his level? Do you honestly think you setting up another date proves anything?

 

The fact that you were engaged and he cheated on you means he doesn't love you. The fact that you have so quickly decided to set up a date with another man? Doesn't look too good as well. I mean really, you a vulnerable and it is flat out stupid to be dating. Go hang out with friends, do something, but going on a date to me, seems like you are just trying to play games, trying to say "look other guys want me too!"

 

This, combined with the fact you went over to your f*ck buddies house with full intent of having sex with him(cuz two wrongs make a right!) kinda makes you look almost as bad.

 

He cheats on you, so you attempt to have sex with one guy and make a date with another? You are trying to make him regret cheating on you, not be glad he did it. If I cheated on a girl, and then she in turn did that, I'd be glad she was out of my life, because it would be obvious we both we not as into the relationship as we thought.

 

 

Cut this guy out of your life, and stay away from the dating scene until you are over this guy. Hang out with friends, whatever, but you don't need to be dating. It just makes you look silly.

[SadandConfusedWA]

You are weak and will end up taking him back.

 

This is exactly why I don't feel sorry for some of the betrayed wives. I can just see OP few years down the line on infidelity forum. OMG my husband cheated on me, woe is me, I'm the unluckiest person aliiiiiive. Of course I must still stay in the marrige we have two kids now, but if it wans't for the kids.... and so it goes.

 

I truly beleive that you need to take some responsibility for allowing yourself to be treated this way. Men will only treat us as bad as we let them.