It's been 3 months . . .

[Totally Confused]

since my girlfriend of five years and I broke up. For the first few weeks (after the initial heartache) I felt really good. I had a sense of freedom and independence that I hadn't felt in a long time. Lately, however, I've been missing Sue desparately. The problem is that I'm still not sure if I want to get married - and whether Sue's the right woman for me.

 

I've gone on a couple of dates . . . and I truly can't imagine anyone ever getting to know me (or care about me) like Sue. I feel like my time's running out. I know that Sue misses me a lot (she still communicates with my sister) but she's a gorgeous intelligent woman and she's not going to wait around for long.

 

Sue and I broke up b/c I felt like there was a fundamental connection missing between us. Now, I'm just confused!

[No longer...]

Well, as another recoverer of the "5-year" Big One, I have to say that I completely empathize with where you're at. About 3 months after my breakup, I thought "you know, I could've married that girl." Haha -- all part of the getting over process.

 

If you didn't reconsider your decision at all, then you wouldn't be human. I reconsidered, but today (4 years later) believe it was the best decision I ever made for myself. I learned SO MUCH about myself after getting out of that relationship -- and believe I would be very unhappy today if I had gone to the next level with my ex.

 

But don't get me wrong -- I wouldn't have stayed with her 5 years if there weren't many qualities about her that I truly enjoyed. But after 5 years, you really get to know someone, and since I'm sure you thought long and hard about this relationship, and your reasons for doing this, I don't know what you could achieve from getting back with her -- except maybe a bit more certainty (and some most certain heartache).

 

You didn't mention this, but how old are you? I was 22 and a college senior -- her and I had been dating since 17 and I really felt like we were growing in different directions. If there is something you have sought to achieve (for me it was to "get to know" myself a bit more, and, quite frankly, the undeniable feeling that she wasn't "the one" for me), then maybe you should at least first try to achieve what it is you need before getting back with her. Best of luck! It's a tough road, but well worth it if you choose to walk it!

since my girlfriend of five years and I broke up. For the first few weeks (after the initial heartache) I felt really good. I had a sense of freedom and independence that I hadn't felt in a long time. Lately, however, I've been missing Sue desparately. The problem is that I'm still not sure if I want to get married - and whether Sue's the right woman for me. I've gone on a couple of dates . . . and I truly can't imagine anyone ever getting to know me (or care about me) like Sue. I feel like my time's running out. I know that Sue misses me a lot (she still communicates with my sister) but she's a gorgeous intelligent woman and she's not going to wait around for long. Sue and I broke up b/c I felt like there was a fundamental connection missing between us. Now, I'm just confused!

[Deb]

maybe you don't miss her but the feelings that you felt while you were with her. Why was it that you broke up with her. Is she controlling to the extent that you needed freedom? Or was she wanting you to commit and you needed space? Put your finger on the connection part. What part of the connection was missing?

since my girlfriend of five years and I broke up. For the first few weeks (after the initial heartache) I felt really good. I had a sense of freedom and independence that I hadn't felt in a long time. Lately, however, I've been missing Sue desparately. The problem is that I'm still not sure if I want to get married - and whether Sue's the right woman for me. I've gone on a couple of dates . . . and I truly can't imagine anyone ever getting to know me (or care about me) like Sue. I feel like my time's running out. I know that Sue misses me a lot (she still communicates with my sister) but she's a gorgeous intelligent woman and she's not going to wait around for long. Sue and I broke up b/c I felt like there was a fundamental connection missing between us. Now, I'm just confused!