hdnkorul Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I really don't know where to start.... When I first married my husband I thought he was my soulmate. He was so sweet and caring. So kind and thoughtful that I never thought I could find anyone like him. But when he moved to my state and married me, everything changed. For 5 years I wake up in fear. I'm afraid I will say something or do something to trigger him and he will get angry. In the beginning his anger was a pattern of rage, throwing things, yelling, name calling, blaming me for things and being the coldest person possible. He got better, but he is still cold and verbally abusive. The rage is somewhat died down because it effected his health. But he always blames me for his anger and last week he said he wanted a divorce. He said the reason was because my family interferes with his life by manipulating me to be against him. And this all blew up after he asked that I move back to his state because we were financially doing bad here. He believes I choose them over him. Our financial situation took a nose dive after his business failed and we lost everything we had because of it. He prefers to have businesses and not work and that is the cause of my frustration. He thinks that's the only way he can do better than me because I make more than he does. Something that I don't care about at all. I knew he made less when I married him. Throughout our marriage he's always been extreme for every situation. He's also extremely sensitive. I have always tried to support him and be calm in any situation. I've never said 1 bad thing to him nor raised my voice at him EVER. I even found out he was having an emotional affair with his ex for 4 years of our marriage and it hurt me very much but I still forgave him when he said he was sorry. And any time he ever said sorry I forgave him without a fight. But if I say sorry he doesn't think I deserve to be forgiven and blames the world on me. Our intamacy is null and has always been a problem but before this incident it started to get better. I know he has a problem with watching porn and cannot steer away from it and does it behind my back all the time. We have been to 1 counceling session in which he did most of the talking and seemed like an angel and made me and my family look like devils on him. The crazy thing is when he wants to be good, he is the best person in the world, but when he wants to be bad, he is worse than the devil. I don't know what to do. I'm in my mid 30's and have no kids with him but i feel my life is deteriorating. I still love him but I don't know if trying to save our marriage is worth it with someone like him? i welcome your thoughts.... thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Internet search Borderline Personality Disorder ..... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Sorry your going through this and in no way should you be living in fear. Definantely sounds like someone I know and believe me when I say that he'll never change unless he wants to. Can you stay with someone who acts like this all the time and who may as time goes on get worse? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hdnkorul Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 Thanks.... I just want to know if it is possible for him to get worse after counseling? Does counseling really help or just short term? If I want to stay in this marriage is there anything else I can do? Link to post Share on other sites
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