funkify Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I had an unrequited love many years ago who is my ideal man in all ways. I am still in love with him. We kissed once and I always wanted more but he never wanted more than friendship. I made the mistake of being too eager and I think this is what scared him off. Now...I literally bumped into my crush I hadn't seen for about 6 years the other night. We were really happy to see each other and did the whole chit-chat thing. He knows I am single and he is too. However his breakup is only a week old from a 2 year relationship. He says that it was mutual though, but obviously he's still sad after only a week. He mentioned I looked really good and we updated each others numbers, but I think he may have done that to be polite. We parted ways saying 'nice to see you', and that was that. This guy is still my Number One crush but I so don't want to stuff it up. Is there anything I can do to begin to relight the flame without reminding him I acted a bit desperate in my younger years? Keeping in mind he's still heartbroken....what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I'd say let him come to you. If you guys updated each others numbers and he knows how to contact you, then let him get around to it. He knows you're interested, you gave him your number. If he doesn't follow up on it, you know it's because he's not interested for whatever reason that may be. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted August 5, 2007 Share Posted August 5, 2007 He needs to get completely over her ex in order to give his all to you. If you push him now then you will be his rebound and he'll dump you later because he still won't be over his ex. He'll feel guilty because his feelings will confuse him, so give him time until he heals and knows what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted August 5, 2007 Author Share Posted August 5, 2007 He needs to get completely over her ex in order to give his all to you. If you push him now then you will be his rebound and he'll dump you later because he still won't be over his ex. He'll feel guilty because his feelings will confuse him, so give him time until he heals and knows what he wants. Hmm but what is the window period? If I contact too early he will not be ready but if I contact too late then it will be weird that I've contacted him after so long. I realise I need to approach very lightly, should I make it just a friendly coffee or explicitly ask him out? Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Tell him that you have feelings for him and that when he's ready and wants to date you and you're not taken then you'll be ok with that. Don't put your happiness on hold, date around because hoping he will come back might never happen and you'll just waste time when that time and energy could have been used on someone else. Also, I don't recommend you hang out with him as friends because that's not really what you want as you want more than friendship. Maybe after you get over him you could be friends with him. I have yet to get to that point and I don't think it's all that realistic to be friends to tell you the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted August 8, 2007 Author Share Posted August 8, 2007 So do you guys really think I should say something now? I thought it would be too early and seeing that I pushed the issue a few times in the past (and that frustrated him) it might be a bad idea? If you don't agree, I'm interested to know the reasoning behind contacting him earlier rather than later? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I would not contact him. If he is interested he will call you. He knows you liked him and he probably realizes if he wanted to date you now you would accept. It is hard to have a one-sided love affair so for your own health I would let him show you he wants more than friendship. Don't put yourself out there until you know he will reciprocate. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazy Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 well...the fact is that six years ago he wasn't into you in the way you were into him. It could be that this hasn't changed, and you might have to just accept that. I agree with the others, ball's in his court, the fact that he had a breakup recently really isn't the issue, it's that he will call you if he was taken with you in that way when he saw you that night, he won't if he didn't feel a "spark" for you. In fact, he may have told you about the breakup to discourage you from being interested in him in that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Starry-eyed Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 What Chinook, Yamaha, and Hazy said. He's got your phone number; if he's interested, he'll call you. If you call him, you'll seem as desperate as you used to be. I know that's hard to accept. I feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted August 9, 2007 Author Share Posted August 9, 2007 well...the fact is that six years ago he wasn't into you in the way you were into him. It could be that this hasn't changed, and you might have to just accept that. I agree with the others, ball's in his court, the fact that he had a breakup recently really isn't the issue, it's that he will call you if he was taken with you in that way when he saw you that night, he won't if he didn't feel a "spark" for you. In fact, he may have told you about the breakup to discourage you from being interested in him in that way. I agree Hazy. However I don't think he told me about the breakup to discourage me as he mentioned an overseas trip and I asked who he went with, and the story unfolded that way. Guess I will just have to sit tight and hope for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
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