singleiam Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 I need help with my shyness. When out with friends, or at class I have a real problem making a conversation work. I'm a quiet guy anyway. When I see a hot girl that I like, it is impossible to get the courage to say anything. Most of the time girls make the first move on me. Once I get to know somebody I'm fine but its those first times together when I choke. Sometimes I totally blank out and have nothing so say at all. Some of the girls I have tried to date are very smart and I get real nervous that maybe I'm boring them out. I think things would be a lot more simple if I would have dated more in high school rather than being with one girl for 5 years. Now that we are apart I guess I have no social skills and maybe afraid of rejection. I get very upset now when I go out and stand around afraid to approach cute girls. Can anybody give me some tips on how to make that first conversation a good one. First impression is important and I think the lack of conversation skills is killin me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Sooner or later you're going to find out that the universe doesn't really care if you have companionship or not. The world is totally indifferent to your social processes, whether or not you date or get married. YOU and you alone are in charge of forging your life the way you want it. If you want to be shy, fine. You can just die without the love, companionship and joy that new friends and romantic interests can bring to your life. Nobody else cares. Everybody else is way too busy trying to make themselves happy to worry about your roamings or shyness. Shyness is something you will have to come out of gradually as you get gain confidence and self esteem. I suggest you begin that oddysey as soon as possible. YOU and YOU only are the person who has to make things happen in your life. There is no medicine or vacination for shyness. Link to post Share on other sites
clairvoyant Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Here are a few links that might help you out: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/17_dating_girl.html http://super-stuff.com/overcomingshyness/ http://shyness.censorshipfree.com/ http://www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/overcomingshyness.htm http://enotalone.com/article/64.html There are also several self-help books out there about overcoming shyness and approaching women. I don't know if any of them are useful or not, but it might be worth a try to check them out. It certainly can't hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singleiam Posted March 13, 2003 Author Share Posted March 13, 2003 Thanks for the info! I need to build my self-confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
MattO Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 All i have to say is if the girl doenst liek you for who you are, then dont go for her. just my little opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 I used to be shy too, and I am so with Tony about nobody else really able to help. Shyness is a lonely way to go, and no-one else feels the pain but the person who is shy. People may seem uncaring, but the truth is they cannot help you. All the advice in the world is naturally given to a shy person every day, but they never change until THEY choose to. You are choking up I think because you are focussing too much on what you can offer in a conversation. You probably are going in thinking 'what can I add?, what do I know, what is interesting' etc etc... You would have noticed already that some people have a knack for reciting movie lines, telling jokes, and remembering trivial facts and that is a nice tool to have to get conversations started. HOWEVER, not all people are able to think this way, I certainly don't, but I overcome that by expressing my personality, being cute, being lighthearted, and talking about things I feel. That usually gets the ball rolling and when topics naturally come up I am able to fill gaps and add info. I'm terrible at using information I know to start up a conversation, so I rely more on letting topics jog my memory and taking it from there. The important thing is to be relaxed and not worry what comes out of your mouth. Just say what you feel and presto you have a conversation. OLiver Link to post Share on other sites
Robo_Hadoken Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 Conversation isn't hard. You make it hard.When you stop and think about it there is always something running through your mind. If you can't think of anything to say, then say what you are thinking. It may be "Wow! this girl I'm talking to is really attractive.", so then tell her you find her very attractive. If your thinking "I'm so nervous and cant think of anything to say." Then say that. The girl you are with should appreciate your honesty and that you are able to be so open and forthcoming with your thoughts. Don't be afraid to slip up or say something stupid, It happens to the best of us (especially me! ). Also don't be afraid to laugh at yourself when you do make an error. You will find that the person your with will end up laughing with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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