Ever thought about cheating?

[LucreziaBorgia]

so basically he is unable to talk to his wife because either way she will not openly listen to what his desires are..

 

Even the most open minded of listeners are not immune to the pain of what they are listening to. She can be the most open minded person in the world, but it still won't stop her from being hurt by having her husband tell her that he wants to f*ck other women.

 

This guy needs to be honest, and his wife needs to really hear what he is saying to her. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen without her being hurt, and the marriage suffering as a result. The best way to tell her would probably be through an objective third party like a counselor. Someone who could mediate the exchange and keep the discussion on topic, rather than having it melt completely down into tears and anger.

[Lizzie60]

Its a lose lose situation with him - if he lies, he will eventually get caught and be screwed. If he is truthful, he is screwed. The only difference between being honest and not being honest is sort of like choosing which way you want to die: having your throat cut and bleed out slowly, or have your head blown off by a shotgun. Both result in death, only one is more painful and drawn out than the other. No woman wants to hear her man say "I love someone else" or "I want to have sex with someone else", though I can understand preferring that over being lied to and finding out about it later. No amount of "I love you, but it will be just sex - natural curiosity" is going to make it any easier.

 

There is no good way that this can go. If he goes with the 80% chance and cheats, the wife is going to end up hurt regardless of whether he is truthful about it or not. If he tells his wife about how he is feeling, and ends up not cheating - she will spend the rest of her marriage wondering when he will cheat on her, since it is on his mind. It will simply come down to degrees of pain, and how that will affect the rest of the marriage.

 

I can't say I blame her. I would feel like I was handed the world's biggest bait and switch - you say your vows before G_d and man, marrying who you think is a real man and end up with a garden variety philanderer. There should be a lemon law for marriage.

 

What makes you think his W will find out? They don't always find out. In fact, more W never finds out about their H's A...

[Trialbyfire]

But there is a lemon law for cheaters. It's called the divorce remedy. If you can afford it, it can be a looonnnngggg and painnnfuuuul process for the cheater. A pretty good offset to his need for length...

[East of Jupiter]

I don't know-isn't boinking funnier? F**king is so serious sounding.

 

Is it stupid? To ask him to consider not deceiving her?

 

He is talking about willful deception.

 

I hope he can talk to her honestly since that is the only other option.

 

Are you going to talk to her Mr. M?

 

Even the most open minded of listeners are not immune to the pain of what they are listening to. She can be the most open minded person in the world, but it still won't stop her from being hurt by having her husband tell her that he wants to f*ck other women.

 

This guy needs to be honest, and his wife needs to really hear what he is saying to her. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen without her being hurt, and the marriage suffering as a result. The best way to tell her would probably be through an objective third party like a counselor. Someone who could mediate the exchange and keep the discussion on topic, rather than having it melt completely down into tears and anger.

 

My eyeball fatigue is keeps me from going back and re-reading but I don't remember him describing an expected response from the wife?

 

My husband are very open about our sexuality and while it may have hurt me if he told me there was a specific woman he was interested in, I would not have been devastated if he told me of his fantasy.

 

Him saying his wife would be shattered may also reflect his ego rather than the reality. Alternatively, it may also reflect his unwillingness to come clean and a lot of self-deception. You know, if I tell her ... so therefore, I should just do it without telling her.

 

If I had a quarter (a dime ain't getting it these days) for everytime a guy says "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Funny thing is that most wife do find out. Instict and all that ... OW betrayal and all that ...

[East of Jupiter]

What makes you think his W will find out? They don't always find out. In fact, more W never finds out about their H's A...

 

 

Bahahahahahahahahahaha ...

 

No. They never find out do they ...

[squeak]

I prefer fornicating. It just sounds... appropriately harder.

ha, okay That's my new phrase too.

 

 

[quote}He is not going to tell here. Any bets? It takes a certain amount of testicular fortitude that is much easier shown with boink boink.

 

I would be surprised if he did, did not sound like he was leaning that way unless someone here can convince him of its merits..LB?

 

Men! I have a group of men I have grown up with. My brother, his best friend, a cousin and their friends. Most of them were 30 and still looking. They suffered from that widely spread "Golden P*s*y" disease. They are afraid to commit to one because they think there is a golden one just around the corner they will miss out on.

 

Off topic-I have an ideal vision of the world where women will rule it all if they refuse any man not single and never sleep with a man except in a monogamous committed loving situation only.

 

Oh boy am I going to get flamed, but it is the only way to take back the power. Women have all the power, but give it away to the men too easily.

 

But everyone is different and that could never realistically happen...but if it did that would be pretty cool and women would be free to see eachother as sisters and not competitors.

[East of Jupiter]

ha, okay That's my new phrase too.

 

 

[quote}He is not going to tell here. Any bets? It takes a certain amount of testicular fortitude that is much easier shown with boink boink.

 

I would be surprised if he did, did not sound like he was leaning that way unless someone here can convince him of its merits..LB?

 

 

 

Off topic-I have an ideal vision of the world where women will rule it all if they refuse any man not single and never sleep with a man except in a monogamous committed loving situation only.

 

Oh boy am I going to get flamed, but it is the only way to take back the power. Women have all the power, but give it away to the men too easily.

 

But everyone is different and that could never realistically happen...but if it did that would be pretty cool and women would be free to see eachother as sisters and not competitors.

 

Most women don't agree with my idea of a perfect world, they think it is too much work. I say it depends on your definition of "work."

 

Polyandry. Yes, one or two more husbands. Of course they would be completely faithful and call me "Mistress" at all times. <may have to take a shower after this>

 

<----wearing he flame retardant Mistress Superhero Cape. Flame on!

[IpAncA]

Good God you guys, take some Midol. What is with you people today? PMS?? No sex??? Bad orgasm??? Realize your not a size 3???? What???

 

Excellent suggestion, I will check it out. I am new to these boards/forums; could you suggest any discussion in particular? BTW, why are you girls so interested in these topics? Not judging, just wondering. Are you married, in a serious relationship, divorced, other?

 

Cheating is NEVER and should NEVER be on done. There are those on here who feel differently about that. Those are the OW/OM and cheaters.

 

The ones around here that bicker with them mostly are the one's who are in committed relationships or married. Me being one of them.

 

As for anything particular. Just search around and check out the ones that have a high post count. Those are the ones where debates occur and are really interesting.

 

I had a complete sexual relationship with only one other woman + oral sex with 2 other people. I am very shy and growing up I have been thought that pre marital sex is bad…..refer to me as a recovering Christian if you wish….no offense if you are Christian. Also, I do believe that “happiness is a balance between opposites”, a statement that is not very logical at first but that, with time, I found out to be very true. Who said that angels and demons cannot co-exist? They are mutually dependent on each other, after all. I am not trying to get philosophical to justify the way I feel. I just would like you to know my point of view. Thanks again for all of your comments and, to be honest, I feel that discussing about this with you is already helping me a lot…….I do appreciate your opinions!

 

Could this be a reason why your curious? You want to see what else is out there?

 

So you have never had urges to be with another... and what the hell is boinky boinky... stop talking baby talk.

 

LOL!!!

 

maybe so....

 

He wants to F**K another woman and no that is not rare, but it seems that there were factors that he was dealing with that stopped him from doing so, so now he wants to experience what he maybe had missed.

 

Listen if I was his wife I would not want to be cheated on, I do though understand his hunger for what he is looking for, but to tell him to get a divorce is just stupid, after all he said that he loves his wife.

 

No I wouldn't just jump the wagon and get a divorce. I am glad that he is on here talking about it and not actually out there doing it.

 

And no it's not rare to want to be with someone else.

[Mr M.]

Thank for all of your replies, I really appreciate your comments……..as hard as they may be. Basically, I think that out of all of the members that have left opinions on this board IPANCE and, especially, PRISCILLA, are the ones that understand my situation the best. Not because they agree with what I have said or they gave me their blessing to go and cheat on my wife (in fact they didn’t). But at least it seems they took the time to read all of the material I posted and were not so ready to judge me and jump to conclusions about who I am, how my marriage is or should be, and so on. Ladies, you have no idea what I have been dealing with when I was younger and you don’t know me at all………hold your judgments! I won’t go into the details of my youth (it’s not the right place), and I don’t want to use the troubles I had during my childhood to justify my sexual urges, but………what it doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! I am a much better and balanced individual that some of you probably think. It seems to me that most of the latest repliers gave a quick look at this post, saw the words they wanted to see (e.g. “cheating”, “…80% chance…” and the idiotic “boink, boink”…..that I didn’t even come out with in first place) and made their erroneous calculations: 1 + 1 + 1 = 5!!! I am not trying to give you a rebuttal of what I have been saying until now, but to clarify those three words here we go again:

 

Cheating: I don’t need or want any other emotional relationship with anybody else other than my wife, period! There is no other woman I am secretly in love with. For a series of reasons (the most influential being a) that I have been living my sexuality with guilt until I was, much or less, 19, and b) I only had a complete sexual relationship with one other woman other than my wife) I am very curious about having sex with somebody else……..just sex……NSA sex. Hiring an escort (call it hooker if you like….or if you want to perpetuate the idea of me being an evil man) would probably do it, but where the hell to you go asking for that? At the local pharmacy? And BTW, after hearing all of what you had to say I do agree that talking to my wife about this is probably the best option. Who knows, maybe she is also curious about sleeping with somebody else. And to me that would be totally normal. The fact is I do have a problem that I want/need to solve without hurting my wife. But is “forget about your curiosity and live with the pain” really a good solution? The more you think about not thinking about sex with other women……….the more you think about it! Ever heard of the story “this pill will only work if you don’t think about a green elephant?” (if not, it doesn’t matter, but I hope I conveyed my idea).

 

80%: it’s just a number I have thrown out there (I deal with numbers and equations for living), but it really means…..”most likely”. It’s meaning is that if the problem persists and I don’t find the courage and/or the balls to talk to my wife about this, sooner or later I am probably going to have sex with somebody else…….sex……and find out the hard way whether or not it was worth it. Please understand: I DO WANT TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION TO THIS! This is why I have been writing to you in first place. Talking to my wife is probably the first step. Now, somebody (probably Priscilla) turned the problem to something different. How am I going to do that?

 

Boink, boink: didn’t come from my mouth. As Priscilla suggested let’s call it F...ING.

[Mr M.]

Here are a few more brief replies to your posts.

 

“……..There has to be some way he can satisfy his appetite without sneaking around.”

 

Thanks Priscilla, this is basically why I am writing this post.

 

“I was asking him to be self reflective, and he was not asking for advice so much as stating he was most likely going to do this one way or another.”

 

Not true. I am not trying to state that I am going to cheat on my wife no matter what. Please read the entire post and you will see that all I want is to hear your opinions.

 

“…………..I do though understand his hunger for what he is looking for, but to tell him to get a divorce is just stupid, after all he said that he loves his wife.”

 

Should I (or anybody else, for the matter) get a divorce every time there is a problem that affect the marriage………please! This forum is about one (and only one) specific aspect of my married life. If you think that sex is the most important factor between husband and wife it’s fine……..but in that case you might be the ones that are missing something in your relationships.

 

“You are talking about your penis here and how you will use it to satisfy a curiosity.”

 

What the hell are you talking about? Another forum, maybe?

 

“Further, I don't think this is about sex. I think this is about you being insecure and needing attention from more than just your wife.”

 

Not at all; this is only about sex. I can even admit that I am a little insecure in some aspects of my life, but this is not about needing attentions from someone else, I am sure of that.

 

“If it were simply curiousity about sex with another woman, you could easily hire a hooker.”

 

Again, how? Where? Money wouldn’t probably be a problem (within reasonable limits) if I knew she was clean.

 

“Why don't you leave her so you can do your boinky-boinky with as many women as you want to your hearts content?”

 

Great, intelligent suggestion! Rock on! : (

 

“Its a lose lose situation with him…………… it melt completely down into tears and anger.”

 

Wowwww……..you seem to know what is right and wrong, what I should and I shouldn’t do, where my problem is/isn’t, what it’s going to happen and what is not if I have sex with somebody else………in every little detail. I salute you overly-confident, unrealistically-secure woman.

 

“Off topic-I have an ideal vision of the world where women will rule it all if they refuse any man not single and never sleep with a man except in a monogamous committed loving situation only. Oh boy am I going to get flamed, but it is the only way to take back the power. Women have all the power, but give it away to the men too easily. But everyone is different and that could never realistically happen...but if it did that would be pretty cool and women would be free to see each other as sisters and not competitors.”

 

Damn……listen to this one, talking about power and control! Hi, Hitler! It seems that for you marriage is mostly about sex. I might be wrong, but……..there is more.

 

“No I wouldn't just jump the wagon and get a divorce. I am glad that he is on here talking about it and not actually out there doing it. And no it's not rare to want to be with someone else.”

 

Ahhhh…….ending my post with the reply of a more rational person.

 

Anyway, thanks to all of you for being so blatantly honest.

 

Best,

 

Mr. M

[Hestia]

“If it were simply curiousity about sex with another woman, you could easily hire a hooker.”

 

Again, how? Where? Money wouldn’t probably be a problem (within reasonable limits) if I knew she was clean.

 

Well, I'm not an expert in this situation but in my country there are lots of newspapers and magazines with women "suggesting" meetings, with their phone number and location and such. Have you tried those? Choose a fancy advertise if money isn't a problem.

About the "clean" problem, well... every time you have sex with a new partner there's always that risk, whether she is a hooker or not. Hookers do have a higher risk of STD's. It's a risk you will have to take anyway if you want to satisfy your curiosity. Be aware that by having sex with someone new you can also be risking your wife's health.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Cheating: I don’t need or want any other emotional relationship with anybody else other than my wife, period! There is no other woman I am secretly in love with. For a series of reasons (the most influential being a) that I have been living my sexuality with guilt until I was, much or less, 19, and b) I only had a complete sexual relationship with one other woman other than my wife) I am very curious about having sex with somebody else……..just sex……NSA sex.

 

2. I do agree that talking to my wife about this is probably the best option. Who knows, maybe she is also curious about sleeping with somebody else.

 

1. You have made it adequately clear how you feel about your wife. What you are missing though, is how your wife will feel about it. Just because you feel you can have a sex only relationship and it not affect how you feel for you wife, doesn't mean your wife can handle it.

 

It is pretty much exactly the same as it was for me, only my stbxH came to me first before he asked elsewhere or cheated. He wanted to have me to spend the rest of his life with, but be able to fully explore his sexuality and options. For a while, it worked - I understood where he was coming from, and I was open minded about it and agreed to it. If you look up my early posts, you'll see a lot of pro-open marriage stuff from when I was going through that. Any pain I felt, I discussed with him but we worked around that. He felt bad for me, because I wasn't going out like he was. He suggested that I go out with his friend, and I did.

 

His friend showed me that he loved me, wanted only me, and would not even for a second consider wanting to share me with someone else, or share himself with someone else. He wanted me all to himself - something my H did not want. Regardless of how open minded and close that me and my H were, it did not change the one niggling thought in the back of my mind: if he loves me so much, why does he need to f*ck other women? Am I not good enough for monogamy? What is missing in me that he needs to look outside of the marriage? With the guy I'm with now - he doesn't want or need to f*ck other women. He is monogamous minded, and is happy with me - just me.

 

Don't get me wrong - I love my stbxH. We are still as close as we ever were, but I simply don't want to be married to a guy who has to f*ck other women in order to feel 'fulfilled'. Divorce is just another piece of paper for us. We still love each other, and function as a family - we just weren't able to make the husband and wife thing work.

 

2. I think you should talk with your wife, and ask her to be honest with you - she might agree, like I did (partly out of curiosity, partly out of fear of losing you) - and even enjoy the freedom for a while, however... if she is monogamous minded, and meets someone who makes her feel special and wanted in a monogamous way, you might find yourself on the losing end of a divorce like my stbxH did. Like my stbxH is fond of saying - he gambled on his marriage, and lost it to someone else. The same could happen to you, regardless of how much you love your wife and believe in your marriage. Understand that no amount of being open minded and understanding means that she wouldn't prefer a monogamous arrangement. Also understand that there is a very real possibility that there is a man out there who will gladly scoop up what you let go.

 

You need to find out how your wife TRULY feels about it. If she agrees with it, and can truly handle an open arrangement, then more power to you. Just continue to be open with each other, even if it means talking to a counselor who is well versed in polyamory/open marriage. If it turns out that your wife cannot handle an open arrangement, then you have a choice to make: the needs of your penis, or the needs of your marriage. I guess it comes down to what means more to you.

[lindya]

...at least it seems they took the time to read all of the material I posted and were not so ready to judge me and jump to conclusions about who I am, how my marriage is or should be, and so on. Ladies, you have no idea what I have been dealing with when I was younger and you don’t know me at all………hold your judgments!

 

 

The desire to understand, and to broaden one's perspective, can help people to put their own needs on the backburner for a long time. It's a challenge that, for as long as you manage it, can make you feel like a stronger, wiser and more tolerant person. An almost intoxicating feeling for people who aspire to those qualities (and they are, indeed, good qualities to aspire to).

 

If you've had a difficult childhood, then that's something that's going to bring out the rescuer in a lot of women. When people are busy playing rescuer to somebody else's hurt and needy child, they can start getting a bit unrealistic about their ability to let their own needs go unmet indefinitely. I think these are probably quite common dynamics underlying open relationships. People nt knowing their own limits, and partners who continually test those limits until suddenly (and when everyone least expects it) something snaps.

 

I think some pretty outstanding people have been caused an awful lot of pain as a result of their desire to understand and cater to partners who regard a non-monogamous lifestyle as an important aspect of their own self-actualisation. I can appreciate you feeling that people aren't really reading your posts...but on the other hand, it could just be that your experiences, feelings and desires aren't so unique that they require the scrupulous analysis you might think they require.

[tmh]

I myself have had opportunity in past to cheat, only one thing that has stopped me is that I a married and believe in the wedding vows that I made to my wife over 26 years ago.

 

Besides to cheat is moraly wrong in my opinion.

 

TMH

[East of Jupiter]

Mr. Men,

 

Forgive my flippant response but I honesly find your expression immature and short sighted. I am a survivor of many things and have had to overcome some serious issues. I have hurt many people along the way, both friends and relatives. Sex did not solve the issues. Ignoring them did not resolve my feelings. Certainly hurting others only compounded them. Not only did I have all that baggage from childhood, but I now had new baggage to boot.

 

Here is my serious answer, the same one gave my husband. You may or not be able to relate.

 

"You are the Patriarch of your future generations. How you live your life, love your wife, treat your children will be your true legacy. Your children, great-grand children and the many more to come will be a reflection of who you were today. What survives of you will be the love you leave behind because how you love now is how your children will love in the future. That is not only a responsibility, but an invaluable opportunity to give meaning to your life."

 

You are not much different than my husband. I wish you could speak to him and he could share with you how much he loved me while he hurt me and how much he wishes he could take it all back.

 

He wanted sex. And that is what he got. He had no need for emotional validation with anyone else. But unless he went with a hooker (whore/prostitute/escort your choice), he expected another human being, a woman, to have sex with him without wanting anything in return. Of course it didn't happen. He is a decent guy and he didn't treat the OW in question like "satisfy a curiosity," just I believe you would not be so callous. Perhaps for you it can be sex without feeling (are you OW reading getting this?) but for most women, it is hard to separate the two. So will you pretent to like the OW to have sex? Or are you talking about a ONS? Either one is a risky proposition. And none offer any assurances that you will not catch an STD.

 

 

It wasn't as satisfying as he fantasized esepecially when confronted with the pain it caused me.

[norajane]

You speak of your wife being your best friend, but are you HER best friend? A best friend does not deceive and betray you behind your back. A best friend does not contemplate the consequences of betrayal and go right ahead and betray you. A best friend does not choose to cause pain. A best friend does not choose to lie and cheat to suit themselves. A best friend does not sneak around and take away his wife's choice about the kind of marriage she has.

 

Your wife is your best friend for many reasons, one of the most important being that she trusts you. You cheat on her and that trust is gone, poof. Betrayal is a very difficult, extremely painful thing for people to swallow, and many find they simply cannot and must leave the cheater.

 

Please, please, please spend time reading many threads on the Infidelity board so you can see the devastating effect it has to find out your spouse has cheated on you, whether it be with a hooker or an affair.

 

Even if she does not find out that you hired a hooker or whatever you end up doing, the deception you have to maintain will create a distance between you that will erode your marriage from the inside out. At this point, you have no idea what amount of guilt you will have when you look into your wife's trusting eyes and recall that you betrayed her trust. That guilt may eat away at you - you would not be the first who had to later confess an infidelity.

 

And if you choose an affair or a woman who is not a hooker, keep in mind that you cannot control her actions. She may take it upon herself to inform your wife of what you are doing. She may get pregnant - if you read the OW/OM boards, you will see that happens far more often than you might expect.

 

If you choose to be open about this with your wife, you can bring it up in the form of a fantasy first and see how she reacts. Ask her if she's had fantasies about f*cking other men. And if she is favorable to discussing the fantasy, you can ask if she'd ever want to turn the fantasy into a reality, or if she'd ever be open to you turning your fantasy into a reality. Do not make the mistake, however, of thinking that just because she is open minded, that her open mindedness will extend to sharing her husband with another woman.

 

Finally, whatever your issues are that have led you to this point, consider that you do not have to be a slave to your upbringing. You are an adult and it is long past the time for you to be controlled by your past. Consider seeking counseling and discuss your past with a therapist who might be able to help you overcome this desire you have. Maybe a therapist can't help, but it's certainly worth the effort to find out before you irreparably damage your marriage and hurt your wife.

[East of Jupiter]

Also, sex will not fix the emotionally issues that you have as a result of your childhood.

 

You need to examine why you feel that sex is going to help you fix whatever you are missing. For my husband sex was a "safe" emotion. It as preferable over the hard emotional work of facing your past and addressing the true demons (whatever form they take in each of us).

[East of Jupiter]

Even if she does not find out that you hired a hooker or whatever you end up doing, the deception you have to maintain will create a distance between you that will erode your marriage from the inside out. At this point, you have no idea what amount of guilt you will have when you look into your wife's trusting eyes and recall that you betrayed her trust. That guilt may eat away at you - you would not be the first who had to later confess an infidelity.

 

This is precisely what happened in my marriage. He is a decent human being. He thought "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." It's about "sex" only. But we did have a great marriage and a person who loves you notices even the most minute shift in their loved ones, because we tune into their needs and work to keep them happy. Oh, love!

 

He had to lie over and over and over again when I asked "what's wrong?" or I would say "something is wrong" and he lied some more. Something was wrong. Anytime a partner goes outside of their marriage for emotional or physical comfort, it is wrong.

 

He did confess and it was only then that he truly grasped the depth of pain his betrayal had on me and what he stood to lose. Until then, he could deceive me and himself.

[IpAncA]

Lucrenzia your story is sad. No one should be willing to take that chance of recking their marriage. But yet it's so true of what could happen if an open marriage is agreed to.

 

I'm not for it because I'm a selfish women who doesn't share. Marriage is meant for two people, not multiples and If my guy did this, I'd personally feel like I wasn't enough.

 

I do think he should talk to her but just know that she may not be open and I wouldn't go into the conversation expecting her to. If she's not then chances of her feeling like somethings wrong with the marriage or with her are there. She may even like Lucrenzia think you'll cheat on her. You can reassure her all you want but it's still in the back of her mind.

 

I do advise you NOT to do this behind her back. If so then kiss the trusting respectful marriage goodbye.

 

BTW OP, what are you trying to gain out of this? Is screwing around with other women REALLY worth your marriage? You don't want to sit around divorced (if you screw this up) wondering why you did what you did all for the sake of being curious.

 

There's lots of things people want to do but don't because they promised not to and have self-control. Not saying that you don't but curiosity killed the cat.

 

Its a lose lose situation with him - if he lies, he will eventually get caught and be screwed. If he is truthful, he is screwed. The only difference between being honest and not being honest is sort of like choosing which way you want to die: having your throat cut and bleed out slowly, or have your head blown off by a shotgun. Both result in death, only one is more painful and drawn out than the other. No woman wants to hear her man say "I love someone else" or "I want to have sex with someone else", though I can understand preferring that over being lied to and finding out about it later. No amount of "I love you, but it will be just sex - natural curiosity" is going to make it any easier.

 

There is no good way that this can go. If he goes with the 80% chance and cheats, the wife is going to end up hurt regardless of whether he is truthful about it or not. If he tells his wife about how he is feeling, and ends up not cheating - she will spend the rest of her marriage wondering when he will cheat on her, since it is on his mind. It will simply come down to degrees of pain, and how that will affect the rest of the marriage.

 

I can't say I blame her. I would feel like I was handed the world's biggest bait and switch - you say your vows before G_d and man, marrying who you think is a real man and end up with a garden variety philanderer. There should be a lemon law for marriage.

 

Yeah I agree. This could very well backfire BIG time.

 

 

OH! I almost forgot. Reason I ask is that your not the only one who gets to do this. If she agrees, can you handle some other guy screwing your W? What happens if she became pregnant or the women you screwed did or and STD flew in? Not trying to scare you or anything but these are possibilities. Are you ready for all that?

[whichwayisup]

Thinking about it is one thing, but pursuing it, allowing yourself to be put in that situation where it could happen IS A BIG MISTAKE.

 

Are you willing to throw away your marriage for a hot piece of ass because you want to have sex with other women?

 

Maybe you shouldn't have gotten married, or stayed in a committed relationship - Part of the responsibility and maturity of being married, is giving up having sex with other people.

 

IF your sex life has become boring, or you're not feeling as turned on by your wife anymore - CHANGE IT UP. Talk to her, give her a chance to make it better.

 

Go out on dates, pretend you don't know your wife, go pick her up in a bar. Ask her to wear something really sexy for you, and no undies under her skirt...Flirt, and stuff...If you want a fun and hot sex life with your wife, MAKE the effort, don't go chasing other skirts....

 

You aren't respecting your wife, let alone your marriage vows if you go chasing after skirts....

 

As I said, thinking about it is one thing, but doing it is another.

 

Something to think about ---> What if your wife wants to have sex with other men? Are you prepared to let her sleep around too? That is, if you tell her that you want sex with other women?

[whichwayisup]

The other thing to think about - DO you know how hurt your wife is going to feel that you just wanna go have sex with others for the sake of it? Meaningless, lustful sex with others? Again, part of getting married and being a husband is to give up having sex with others.

 

I'm not judging you. I just hope you reconsider and make an effort to make your own sex life HOT again without having to go outside of the marriage.

[Mr M.]

Ladies,

 

thank you so much for your advises. I feel that the latest posts have been less judgmental about who I, am and more inclined towards honest, helpful suggestions.........THANKS, I MEAN IT!

 

One of the things I am becoming to realize is that I needed to talk about my problem with somebody else......just to vent it all out. Although I have many good friends here in the US I feel comfortable with none of them when it comes to share these kinds of ideas.

 

Yes, I agree, talking to a therapist may be a good start. Which kind of therapist, though? Marriage counseling? Analyst? And how do I find a good one? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Cannot write a longer reply this time.......gotta go cook dinner (yes, I am the one cooking lunch/dinner in the house......no lies : ) And I am a damn good cook too!

 

Best,

 

Mr M.

[IpAncA]

No I wouldn't talk about something like this with your friends or relatives. It's none of their business and you don't need them giving you any ideas you'll regret.