Ever thought about cheating?

[Chinook]

Rather than helping me to understand why I feel like that? Again, I am not a bad person and I have a lot to offer as a human being, to my wife and to others. Do not judge me so quickly.

Look, let's get something straight, I'm not judging you...but what you're displaying here is deep premeditated DISRESPECT for your wife and your marriage vows. I'm sorry if that's harsh. But if someone says they are 80% certain they will cheat and post that on a public board, I'm entitled to say 'sorry, imho it's wrong'. What you're writing here is everything about 'YOU'. What about your wife...? Your marriage..? I don't care about your inexperience or your experience for that matter. You were old enough and mature enough to understand what the vows meant.... you should honour them.

 

Is it too much to ask of yourself to simply put it down to 'idle curiosity' and leave it at that...???

 

Like I said... the fantasy is very often nowhere near the reality. That's why married men find themselves embroiled in affairs they didn't think mattered, they fall for the other woman...no matter how much they care about their wife. I have a friend who is an OW and her MM told her he was DEAD CERTAIN he loved his wife.... until he met her. DESIRE mixed with emotion is a powerful cocktail. I guarantee you, you cheat and play around... you will risk everything and you will lose your wife.

[Lizzie60]

What if, having an affair will make me realize that all of the hypes about “having sex with another woman” are only in my head?

 

What if, having sex with another woman (let’s say) once per year is what I really need to be happy?

 

I agree... it could be all that...but it could be the opposite... you can become 'obsessed' with that OW and maybe once a year won't be enough.

 

I've heard all kinds of stories for the last 4 years from a lot of MMs...

 

I tend to agree more with your second statement though... that one a year could be enough to make you happy... or maybe once a month... LOL and you'd go back to your wife and be very happy.

 

because I don't think that 'all of hypes about “having sex with another woman” are only in my head?' No, it's not only in your head... you can fall for this OW.. or you can enjoy the 'excitement' that forbidden pleasure will bring you and become addicted to that lust and excitement...that's what usually happens anyway... that's why once they start to cheat, men rarely stop after one encounter.

[pricillia]

I do not disagree that he could get emotionally involved.

 

By the sounds of it he has not had many sexual experiences and he is looking to experiment.

 

He could hire a professional and leave it at that...

 

or as he mentioned he could let his wife know that he would like a threesome and she how she takes it...that way at least he is including his wife.

 

I do not know her or how open she is to this so this could damage thier relationship, but not as bad as her finding out about his physical dealings with another.

 

Another poster asked you if you had someone in mind... do you?

[Chinook]

Mr M something I've noticed about this thread... whenever someone has offered an opinion or advice, you have delivered some form of rebuttal in defence of your issues. I can understand that. But it appears to me that you're looking for someone to give you permission and I doubt that you're going to find that here. Like you say, you make your own choices and it certainly looks like you will cheat no matter what anyone here says.

 

With that, I follow Kry and bow out..

 

Good luck to you and your wife.

[East of Jupiter]

Yikes... my nails are quicker than my fingers..

 

Anyhooo ..

 

100% sure that your wife can find a better lover out there.

 

Heck I'm pretty sexually adventurous. If my husband want's to figure how it feels with another woman, I think it only fair I get to explore the same questions.

 

IOW -- you are being selfish.

[pricillia]

Yikes... my nails are quicker than my fingers..

 

Anyhooo ..

 

100% sure that your wife can find a better lover out there.

 

Heck I'm pretty sexually adventurous. If my husband want's to figure how it feels with another woman, I think it only fair I get to explore the same questions.

 

IOW -- you are being selfish.

 

well growing up in a Christian household is like growing up in a courtroom...

 

I love god and faith, but it seems as though he did not experience things that he could have and this is why HE is feeling this way.

[bish]

My name is…….well, call me Mr M. for now. I am in my early 30s, I was born and raised in Europe, very well educated, and I have been with my wife for about 9 years. We get along great because she is intelligent, attractive and, truly, my best friend. Our relationship is not perfect of course, but we make a really good team but………….as the time goes by I feel more and more attracted to other women. It’s just physical attraction, I don’t want or need another relationship. Let’s get this straight: I AM CURIOUS (RATHER SERIOUS) ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH SOMEBODY ELSE!!! Guys (and girls, of course), come on, I know that there are millions of you out there that feel the same way. Therefore, this blog is directed to you. I want to know your voice, whether or not you think it’s acceptable to “do it” with somebody else other than your wife (all right, let’s call it “cheating on your wife”), if you think that my attraction for other woman is just an animal instinct that I should repress, or a natural curiosity that I should satisfy. Should I talk to my wife about this to the risk of loosing her, or should I just have my sexual escapade and get it over with? There is a lot to talk about and I’d like to know your opinion. Gotta go know, my lovely wife is calling : )

 

Answer, no...I've never thought about cheating. And I never will.

 

No, it is not ok to "do it" with somebody else. If thats the way you feel, get a divorce and never get married again. Because with your all so "very educated" self, you are not fit to be married if you want to go f#ck other women.

 

Maybe you need to do your wife a favor and divorce her so she can find a decent man.

[East of Jupiter]

You sound a bit immature guy. You are talking about your penis here and how you will use it to satisfy a curiosity. Nowhere do you seem to entertain that you will be using ( hurting ) two women to accomplish this base desire.

 

Further, I don't think this is about sex. I think this is about you being insecure and needing attention from more than just your wife.

 

If it were simply curiousity about sex with another woman, you could easily hire a hooker.

 

Now go into a quiet place for about and hour and imagine your wife having great sex with another guy and enjoying it more than she ever has with you. See how what that does for ya.

[East of Jupiter]

Yes. I have thought about cheating. Sometimes revenge cheating. Othertimes, fun fantasy cheating.

 

Oh do not be dismayed. My husband knows. ~*

[squeak]

Mr. M, okay let's start with the facts-you have this urge you want to act.

 

Marriage does not have to last forever if it is making you want to decieve your wife.

 

Why don't you leave her so you can do your boinky-boinky with as many women as you want to your hearts content?

 

You are thinking of doing this based on the odds you can get away with it.

 

Picture this...she is going to find out anyways. And imagine her hurt and disappontment when she does find out.

 

Why do you want to hold on to her so bad? Why do you think you are entitled to take away HER choice in the matter?

 

Remember?? She should have a choice...marriage vows and all that.

 

For my own curiosity-why don't you just become single and do this without guilt or sneaking or repercusions?

 

Do you think it is unrealistic of you to think you can get away with it?

 

What do you think of that she will intuitively "know" and the man who is her husband will become her torturer and betrayer when you lie to her over and over?

 

What do you thinkk that will do to your marriage?

 

Since your urges are so strong to be with other women-DIVORCE and boink away!

 

What is the problem here??

 

Can you please explain why you think you are entitled to break your vows and lie? When you are a free man at the sign of the papers ?

 

Why this little baby hiding from mommy act??

[pricillia]

well he did mention hiring an escort, but how does that make it any better...

 

He obviously is curious as he said that he did not have that many sexual experiences...

 

and why should he have to divorce her because he wants to experience something different...

 

mabye she will want to do it with him. I don't think that he should to it behind her back that hurts!!!

 

There has to be some way he can satisfy his appetite without sneaking around.

[East of Jupiter]

well growing up in a Christian household is like growing up in a courtroom...

 

I love god and faith, but it seems as though he did not experience things that he could have and this is why HE is feeling this way.

 

<---- Catholic Cathy here!

 

He is not a rarety. It's time for him to put on his big boy boxers and live with his decisions. The time to sow oats was before he got married.

 

JMHO!

[East of Jupiter]

well he did mention hiring an escort, but how does that make it any better...

 

He obviously is curious as he said that he did not have that many sexual experiences...

 

and why should he have to divorce her because he wants to experience something different...

 

mabye she will want to do it with him. I don't think that he should to it behind her back that hurts!!!

 

There has to be some way he can satisfy his appetite without sneaking around.

 

I'm all for that! Yeah, include your wife. She may actually be bored. It happens.

[pricillia]

Mr. M, okay let's start with the facts-you have this urge you want to act.

 

Marriage does not have to last forever if it is making you want to decieve your wife.

 

Why don't you leave her so you can do your boinky-boinky with as many women as you want to your hearts content?

 

You are thinking of doing this based on the odds you can get away with it.

 

Picture this...she is going to find out anyways. And imagine her hurt and disappontment when she does find out.

 

Why do you want to hold on to her so bad? Why do you think you are entitled to take away HER choice in the matter?

 

Remember?? She should have a choice...marriage vows and all that.

 

For my own curiosity-why don't you just become single and do this without guilt or sneaking or repercusions?

 

Do you think it is unrealistic of you to think you can get away with it?

 

What do you think of that she will intuitively "know" and the man who is her husband will become her torturer and betrayer when you lie to her over and over?

 

What do you thinkk that will do to your marriage?

 

Since your urges are so strong to be with other women-DIVORCE and boink away!

 

What is the problem here??

 

Can you please explain why you think you are entitled to break your vows and lie? When you are a free man at the sign of the papers ?

 

Why this little baby hiding from mommy act??

 

 

So you have never had urges to be with another... and what the hell is boinky boinky... stop talking baby talk.

 

read his whole post, he is saying that he would like to share other experiences and that he would like to have them with his wife and another so instead of telling him to get a divorce (stupid idea) How can he approach his wife about his urges.

 

It is so funny how everyone who is super human and never have urges themselves put down another for being honest when they come here for advice.

[squeak]

Yeah maybe talking about it openly with her, he knows her best, maybe she would be open to some "alternative" possibilities.

 

It is better than the alternative, this marriage is going to end no matter what once he goes behind her back-so why not give her a chance in the matter and see what she is up for?

 

You mentioned she may be open to it--why not talk with her?

[East of Jupiter]

well he did mention hiring an escort, but how does that make it any better...

 

He obviously is curious as he said that he did not have that many sexual experiences...

 

and why should he have to divorce her because he wants to experience something different...

 

mabye she will want to do it with him. I don't think that he should to it behind her back that hurts!!!

 

There has to be some way he can satisfy his appetite without sneaking around.

 

Grrrrrrrrrrreat question.

 

I would have purchased the hooker for my husband myself. That's how much I would have preferred him being honest with me.

 

Can't speak for anyone else.

[squeak]

So you have never had urges to be with another... and what the hell is boinky boinky... stop talking baby talk.

 

boinky boinky boinky...boink!

 

read his whole post, he is saying that he would like to share other experiences and that he would like to have them with his wife and another so instead of telling him to get a divorce (stupid idea) How can he approach his wife about his urges.

 

It is not stupid to consider divorce if he is not going to talk to his wife, which he sees to not be leaning towards (talking to her). It is better than DECEIVING her. But yes, if he can talk with her, that is best.

 

It is so funny how everyone who is super human and never have urges themselves put down another for being honest when they come here for advice.

 

Priscilla-I don't have urges to physically be with other men, so if that makes me super human...so be ithttp://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/smilies/laugh.gif

 

I was asking him to be self reflective, and he was not asking for advice so much as stating he was most likely going to do this one way or another.

[pricillia]

<---- Catholic Cathy here!

 

He is not a rarety. It's time for him to put on his big boy boxers and live with his decisions. The time to sow oats was before he got married.

 

JMHO!

 

maybe so....

 

He wants to F**K another woman and no that is not rare, but it seems that there were factors that he was dealing with that stopped him from doing so, so now he wants to experience what he maybe had missed.

 

Listen if I was his wife I would not want to be cheated on, I do though understand his hunger for what he is looking for, but to tell him to get a divorce is just stupid, after all he said that he loves his wife.

[pricillia]

boinky boinky boinky...boink!

 

ok your funny...you made me laugh

 

what the heck is wrong with calling it what it is F***ing...

 

 

and how do you know that he is not leaning talking to her, most of the replies here are telling him to divorce her and then "boink" away...

 

That is like telling him that he has no other option. Instead he should be figuring out how to talk to her about what he needs.

[squeak]

I don't know-isn't boinking funnier? F**king is so serious sounding.

 

Is it stupid? To ask him to consider not deceiving her?

 

He is talking about willful deception.

 

I hope he can talk to her honestly since that is the only other option.

 

Are you going to talk to her Mr. M?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its a lose lose situation with him - if he lies, he will eventually get caught and be screwed. If he is truthful, he is screwed. The only difference between being honest and not being honest is sort of like choosing which way you want to die: having your throat cut and bleed out slowly, or have your head blown off by a shotgun. Both result in death, only one is more painful and drawn out than the other. No woman wants to hear her man say "I love someone else" or "I want to have sex with someone else", though I can understand preferring that over being lied to and finding out about it later. No amount of "I love you, but it will be just sex - natural curiosity" is going to make it any easier.

 

There is no good way that this can go. If he goes with the 80% chance and cheats, the wife is going to end up hurt regardless of whether he is truthful about it or not. If he tells his wife about how he is feeling, and ends up not cheating - she will spend the rest of her marriage wondering when he will cheat on her, since it is on his mind. It will simply come down to degrees of pain, and how that will affect the rest of the marriage.

 

I can't say I blame her. I would feel like I was handed the world's biggest bait and switch - you say your vows before G_d and man, marrying who you think is a real man and end up with a garden variety philanderer. There should be a lemon law for marriage.

[East of Jupiter]

maybe so....

 

He wants to F**K another woman and no that is not rare, but it seems that there were factors that he was dealing with that stopped him from doing so, so now he wants to experience what he maybe had missed.

 

Listen if I was his wife I would not want to be cheated on, I do though understand his hunger for what he is looking for, but to tell him to get a divorce is just stupid, after all he said that he loves his wife.

 

Hey who am I to argue what someone else's intepretation of what "marriage" is.

 

So please, accept that this is my interpetration as you seem to have one different than mine.

 

Having sex with another woman is not my idea of "marriage."

 

Wanting to have sex with another wo/man is my idea of normal human sexuality.

 

Acting on your base instinct in my opinion, is immature. Sex is a blast but does not a relationship make. Honesty, selflessness (you know thinking of the needs of the one you love over your own -- very quaint notion), character, honor ... these are what actualy make us worthy.

[pricillia]

so basically he is unable to talk to his wife because either way she will not openly listen to what his desires are..

[East of Jupiter]

I can't say I blame her. I would feel like I was handed the world's biggest bait and switch - you say your vows before G_d and man, marrying who you think is a real man and end up with a garden variety philanderer. There should be a lemon law for marriage.

 

Okay there LB, next time please -- spew warning.

[East of Jupiter]

I don't know-isn't boinking funnier? F**king is so serious sounding.

 

Is it stupid? To ask him to consider not deceiving her?

 

He is talking about willful deception.

 

I hope he can talk to her honestly since that is the only other option.

 

Are you going to talk to her Mr. M?

 

I prefer fornicating. It just sounds... appropriately harder.

 

He is not going to tell here. Any bets? It takes a certain amount of testicular fortitude that is much easier shown with boink boink.

 

Men! I have a group of men I have grown up with. My brother, his best friend, a cousin and their friends. Most of them were 30 and still looking. They suffered from that widely spread "Golden P*s*y" disease. They are afraid to commit to one because they think there is a golden one just around the corner they will miss out on.