Speak softly and keep a large canine!

[justice]

I'd just gotten in from a car show last night, it was about ten/ten thirty. I had just changed into some comfy clothes, my sweat shorts and a tank top and I was settling in to drink a glass of iced tea and browse the forum when my dogs start barking. I get up, go and turn on the floodlights outside and didn't see anything.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I'd just gotten a 140lb. great dane, he's a great dog, very calm and well mannered. But also very protective of me. He was my daughter's dog and she was moving and couldn't take him so he came to live with me. He's huge, but he's so sweet and lovable.

 

A short while later, the dogs started barking again, the pom was running around and yapping wildly and the dane, all of his hair was standing straight on end and he was being very fierce at the patio door, it kind of gave me the willies because I now live in such a remote area that anything could happen and I do live alone.

 

Then someone knocked on my front door. Both dogs went to that door and the dane was raising hell. So I looked out the peep and there stands my ex h at the door. I'm like, "wtf?" I don't unlatch the chains even though I'm not afraid of him, I just don't like the fact that he's there at such a late hour, or the fact that he didn't call first.

 

I asked him what he wanted and he begged me to talk to him. I thought about it for a few moments and I ended up letting him in.

He came in and Thor (dane) gave him the once over while my ex just stood there shaking, he didn't know the dog and made several comments about how large Thor was. I told him yes, he is huge and he is very protective of me and I told him that he had nothing to worry about as long as he kept his distance from me.

 

Thor has had alot of obediance training and pretty well does as he's told so I wasn't worried that he would attack my ex or anything. He really is a great dog. To be polite, and because it is very hot here right now, I asked my ex if he'd like some iced tea and he said yes and sat down on the sofa, Thor sat a little distance away watching him constantly. I got his tea, and sat down in a chair and Thor laid down in the floor in between us, watching the ex still yet.

 

He made some small talk, and I finally, being slightly uncomforable, asked him what he wanted to talk about. He asked if there was any way I could put Thor in another room and I said no, I don't think that's neccessary. Here he is, larger than life, sitting there calmly in MY livingroom, in MY house that I bought and paid for with MY own money. I admit to feeling a rush of pride at all I have accomplished on my own since we split up. It felt so good as he was looking around and taking in everything that I've done.

 

He told me that he always thought we'd get back together one day, that he misses me, nothing has been the same without me and that he's miserable, still living at his mom's house and not dating anyone because he finally realizes it is me that he loves and wants to be with. I'm thinking in my mind "bullsh&&" but I don't say it, I'm listening. He says that cheating on me was wrong (duh) and I say that wasn't the whole thing, for me it was the way he gaslighted me and lied to me even after the affair was over. I told him I only wanted the truth, that I had expected him to truthfully answer my questions back then and work on our marriage as hard as I had and I didn't feel that he had ever done that and that the reason I divorced him was because I knew in my heart that I could never trust him again and that was why our vows had been irretrievably broken for me.

 

I told him that I felt that he needed to work on himself instead of trying to get me back and get us back together. I said he needs to get some therapy to help him with the issues of why he cheated and why he feels this way now, and he needs to move out of his enabling mom's house and get on his own so he can discover who he really is free of her influences. He asked me if I did all that would you consider coming back to me, and I said no, it's over for me. I won't take you back.

 

He is only 34, yet in that moment in the light of the lamps, I swear he looked about 54, and like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. It made me sad for him but then too, I remembered all of the times he was supposed to have been "fixing things" and he wasn't, it's on him and I have my own life now and I'm happy. He asked me if I was still seeing "J" and I said yes, every now and then. He said "so it isn't serious" and I said we are "friends" and have always been just that and let it drop.

 

I told him it was getting really late and I needed to get some sleep and that he needed to leave now. I walked him to the porch and watched as he left.

 

This morning, I am wondering about why he looked so old in that moment. Is it possible that he has really changed or is wanting to? I'm absolutely not taking him back regardless of if he has or hasn't. I am happy and I don't need the complications. Even if I did, I'd be worried that he only wants me back because of the things I have now. I think he misses the money and comfort I used to provide. And in seeing how I now live, I think he wants a slice of that too.

 

I sincerely hope he is changing for the better and I wish him well. Only I don't want him back. EVER.

 

I think in seeing my home, and the three restored old camaros in my drive, that he is going to be even more determined to try and get us back together, I'm wondering if he ever really loved me for me, or if he loved my money. And that does hurt for the first time in many months.

 

It's been a wierd morning for me.

[2sunny]

god - i love big dogs! they are so intimidating to men and so gentle at the same time... if only men ever understood that about them it would make the world a different place.

 

yes, i have a big dog - a beautiful english setter - see my profile to get a view of my best friend.

 

people say - that's not a dog - that's a horse! he's a big baby though - and a great buddy to love! i want him to last forever.

[justice]

god - i love big dogs! they are so intimidating to men and so gentle at the same time... if only men ever understood that about them it would make the world a different place.

 

yes, i have a big dog - a beautiful english setter - see my profile to get a view of my best friend.

 

people say - that's not a dog - that's a horse! he's a big baby though - and a great buddy to love! i want him to last forever.

 

I've always had large breed dogs. My pom is merely icing on the cake. Usually, I've had dobermans and rotties. I love these dogs and in all eighteen years of having them, I've never had one turn on me or bite anyone that didn't deserve it. This is my first great dane and I'm very impressed with his good manners and gentle ways. He sure didn't like my ex though. Hehe.

[Curmudgeon]

This morning, I am wondering about why he looked so old in that moment. Is it possible that he has really changed or is wanting to?

 

People do change or at least have the capacity to. I am decidedly not the same person I was when the ex and I divorced, for which both my wife and I are very grateful.

 

If the ex was ever to get to know me again (won't happen) she likely wouldn't recognize the person I've become. She might also have some second thoughts about her actions that led to the divorce since she has nothing and I have a lot, to include very achievable and comfortable, worry-free retirement plans for three years from now.

 

Oh well!

 

Glad you're not thinking of replaying the past. That's healthy!

[justice]

People do change or at least have the capacity to. I am decidedly not the same person I was when the ex and I divorced, for which both my wife and I are very grateful.

 

If the ex was ever to get to know me again (won't happen) she likely wouldn't recognize the person I've become. She might also have some second thoughts about her actions that led to the divorce since she has nothing and I have a lot, to include very achievable and comfortable, worry-free retirement plans for three years from now.

 

Oh well!

 

Glad you're not thinking of replaying the past. That's healthy!

 

Oh heck no!! He had his chance, he cheated and lied and he blew it! I don't really think he even wanted to get to know the new me either, I think he saw the house, the cars and everything else and saw dollar signs.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I know that must have been a wonderfull feeling, and a little sad at the same time. I think its really scary how you never REALLY know what someone else feels or wants from you. I don't think I'll ever get into a serious R again if I find my way out of this one.

 

As for the Dane, they are incredible dogs! So gentle and watchful. A nd so calm. I used to get so tickled when the one next door would look at me over the car! Even as a pup, that dog could sense danger a mile away and herded their small children around like they were sheep! Gosh I miss that pup!

[sumdude]

Guess you had your "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." moment. I hear about a lot of those. Whether or not he's changed isn't important to you now from what I read. Even if it has nothing to do with money etc and he is now honest what difference would it make? He can't cross back over that bridge he burned and should have thought of that way back when.

 

 

Carry on, life is good.

[kobegirl]

I am glad you had your dog there, you dont know what a guy would do when he is desperate enough , he might have tried to hold you or something. you never know.

 

It must be so wonderfull to be free of the burdens that you had carried when you were with this ex cheating spouse. I can imagine the pain you carried before.. You sound like you are very happy now and I believe that you are. even though he stopped by just look forward and move forward and dont look back . it is kinda creepy that he would come by like that so late. i wouldnt let him in next time . I would just tell him to call you if he really needs to say something else.

[hope4best]

I've always had large breed dogs. My pom is merely icing on the cake. Usually, I've had dobermans and rotties. I love these dogs and in all eighteen years of having them, I've never had one turn on me or bite anyone that didn't deserve it.

 

I have three Rotts, they are my babies, very protective of me, very obedient, and they do help weed out the bad people! LOL

[hope4best]

very obedient

 

I take that part back, one of them is, the other two are ten month old demons!

[justice]

I have three Rotts, they are my babies, very protective of me, very obedient, and they do help weed out the bad people! LOL

Rotties are great dogs. Mine was eleven when she died last October. I still miss her so much.

[jmargel]

Ah.. another dog lover Mine are german shepherds, I have two. The one in the pic is 3 years in Oct., the other is 10 yrs and showing her age

 

Rotties, GSDs, Pitbulls.. all get a bad name. They are stereotyped and it's sad that some people pull away from me when I'm walking them. Trained right they can be the most obdient, loyal and best friends. I wish people would learn from what a dog can give, unconditional love.

 

Maybe one day your ex-husband will grow up. I'm just glad that you decided you weren't going to be the one to take all the abuse anymore while he was still acting like a teenager. Once you break that vow of trust you can never get it back 100% again.

 

BTW, with your looks I'm sure you won't have a problem finding another guy..

[Lezbean]

Hey Justice,

 

Just wanted to say that I am a dane owner too. I have 3 of them. They are the most wonderful dogs on the planet. Just giant goofballs of pure love. I have always owned danes.

 

p/s:

 

I hope you and Thor and the small doggie all the best. Good for you for standing your ground!

[2sunny]

i had a neighbor with two great danes - they were the most gentle dogs you could ever imagine.

 

most folks were intimidated by them - but not me. one of the dogs even sensed when i was getting ready to move. her owner kept coming over and saying that when she took her out for a walk - she knew i was leaving and had to come and see if i was still there.

 

dogs are amazing!

[Trialbyfire]

I love big dogs. Great Danes are so sweet.

 

justice, your life reflects mine, in the cheating, divorce, returning. They look to you for redemption.

[quankanne]

This morning, I am wondering about why he looked so old in that moment. Is it possible that he has really changed or is wanting to?

 

sounds mostly like he's gotten an unobstructed view of reality, and he's not doing as well as he's led himself to believe, while you – who prolly should have been wailing and gnashing your teeth because he was out of your life – seem to doing rather well. And I imagine that's hit him hard. I do feel bad for him, somewhat, but this is meant to be his growing experience, you know?

 

big dogs: My niece's little boy (Caleb, now 6) was deathly afraid of dogs when he was a baby, even smaller Bassett-sized dogs. Wouldn't go near them, cried if one was close by, just didn't want to have anything to do with them. So my niece would have to find other homes because the two or three dogs they had just weren't working out with the little one. Enter the Great Dane. Can't remember what that dog's name was, but my niece and her husband adopted her from a shelter that rescued her from a puppy mill, and she was a breeder. A huge pony of a dog, especially from a little kid's view point. However, Caleb fell completely in love with the dog, as did his older sister – my niece said they'd climb all over the dog, pull her ears, lay on top of her, try to ride her, and the dog just took it in stride. And because she was a mama dog, whenever the kids went outside, the dog would guard them VERY closely ... wouldn't let them get close to the fence or out of her sight. She was gentle, but she meant business, niece thought maybe the dog considered the kids her own "babies." Unfortunately, someone took her and they never did find her ...

[justice]

This morning, I am wondering about why he looked so old in that moment. Is it possible that he has really changed or is wanting to?

 

sounds mostly like he's gotten an unobstructed view of reality, and he's not doing as well as he's led himself to believe, while you – who prolly should have been wailing and gnashing your teeth because he was out of your life – seem to doing rather well. And I imagine that's hit him hard. I do feel bad for him, somewhat, but this is meant to be his growing experience, you know?

 

big dogs: My niece's little boy (Caleb, now 6) was deathly afraid of dogs when he was a baby, even smaller Bassett-sized dogs. Wouldn't go near them, cried if one was close by, just didn't want to have anything to do with them. So my niece would have to find other homes because the two or three dogs they had just weren't working out with the little one. Enter the Great Dane. Can't remember what that dog's name was, but my niece and her husband adopted her from a shelter that rescued her from a puppy mill, and she was a breeder. A huge pony of a dog, especially from a little kid's view point. However, Caleb fell completely in love with the dog, as did his older sister – my niece said they'd climb all over the dog, pull her ears, lay on top of her, try to ride her, and the dog just took it in stride. And because she was a mama dog, whenever the kids went outside, the dog would guard them VERY closely ... wouldn't let them get close to the fence or out of her sight. She was gentle, but she meant business, niece thought maybe the dog considered the kids her own "babies." Unfortunately, someone took her and they never did find her ...

 

After it was all said and done, I tended to grit my teeth and get to the business of living again. Still all in all, I do have my moments, not of doubt but of sadness. Had wiser decisions been made when he had first thoughts about having the affair and chose not too.....But I can't live off what ifs, I need the affirmation of I am. That's sad about the dane, I can't imagine life without my Thor.

[justice]

I know that must have been a wonderfull feeling, and a little sad at the same time. I think its really scary how you never REALLY know what someone else feels or wants from you. I don't think I'll ever get into a serious R again if I find my way out of this one.

 

As for the Dane, they are incredible dogs! So gentle and watchful. A nd so calm. I used to get so tickled when the one next door would look at me over the car! Even as a pup, that dog could sense danger a mile away and herded their small children around like they were sheep! Gosh I miss that pup!

 

It was a good feeling but at the same time, I felt like I was making a meal out of leftovers too, if you know what I mean. I love the dane, first one I've ever had and he is incredible. Especially at sensing how I'm feeling. I just love him!

[justice]

Guess you had your "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." moment. I hear about a lot of those. Whether or not he's changed isn't important to you now from what I read. Even if it has nothing to do with money etc and he is now honest what difference would it make? He can't cross back over that bridge he burned and should have thought of that way back when.

 

 

Carry on, life is good.

 

 

I agree with you. That bridge has been burned and there's no way to rebuild what was destroyed in the flames.

[justice]

I am glad you had your dog there, you dont know what a guy would do when he is desperate enough , he might have tried to hold you or something. you never know.

 

It must be so wonderfull to be free of the burdens that you had carried when you were with this ex cheating spouse. I can imagine the pain you carried before.. You sound like you are very happy now and I believe that you are. even though he stopped by just look forward and move forward and dont look back . it is kinda creepy that he would come by like that so late. i wouldnt let him in next time . I would just tell him to call you if he really needs to say something else.

 

I am very fulfilled and I am happy, but I think part of me will always carry the sadness of what happened, in my heart. I don't think he would have tried to detain me, I really think that he's looking for the dollar signs at the end of the rainbow. And that is all he wants.

[justice]

I take that part back, one of them is, the other two are ten month old demons!

 

Rotts are wonderful dogs and make excellent and gentle best friends. I loved mine the whole eleven years I had her, she was my second one and we really bonded. She even nursed an orphaned kitten one time. People are so messed up when they discriminate against breeds.

[justice]

Ah.. another dog lover Mine are german shepherds, I have two. The one in the pic is 3 years in Oct., the other is 10 yrs and showing her age

 

Rotties, GSDs, Pitbulls.. all get a bad name. They are stereotyped and it's sad that some people pull away from me when I'm walking them. Trained right they can be the most obdient, loyal and best friends. I wish people would learn from what a dog can give, unconditional love.

 

Maybe one day your ex-husband will grow up. I'm just glad that you decided you weren't going to be the one to take all the abuse anymore while he was still acting like a teenager. Once you break that vow of trust you can never get it back 100% again.

 

BTW, with your looks I'm sure you won't have a problem finding another guy..

 

I really love all dogs. Especially Rotts, Dobies and now, great danes. There are no bad dogs, only bad owners. I doubt that my ex will grow up ever. I think his contacting me now is only out of greed, that and I'm sure he's tired of being mommy's little boy after living with her for so long now. Well, he can look somewhere else, cause it ain't my problem now.

Thanks for the compliment, but for now I'm not looking, just enjoying life and trying to put this all behind me.

[justice]

Hey Justice,

 

Just wanted to say that I am a dane owner too. I have 3 of them. They are the most wonderful dogs on the planet. Just giant goofballs of pure love. I have always owned danes.

 

p/s:

 

I hope you and Thor and the small doggie all the best. Good for you for standing your ground!

Thanks LB, what color are your danes? Do yours grumble-growl talk too? Mine does. And it's really funny too. He is the protector of my pom, it's hilarious to see the two of them together. Mutt and Jeff! Thanks for your comment! I wish you the best also.

[justice]

i had a neighbor with two great danes - they were the most gentle dogs you could ever imagine.

 

most folks were intimidated by them - but not me. one of the dogs even sensed when i was getting ready to move. her owner kept coming over and saying that when she took her out for a walk - she knew i was leaving and had to come and see if i was still there.

 

dogs are amazing!

 

Yes, they are amazing and he is so gentle with the pomeranian. It seems from other dane owners I've talked to, they all say that danes seem to sense things alot more than other breeds.

[justice]

I love big dogs. Great Danes are so sweet.

 

justice, your life reflects mine, in the cheating, divorce, returning. They look to you for redemption.

 

Thanks TBF, I love my dane.

I've not read much of your story but maybe I will someday when I get the time. In my case, there is no redemption for him after what he did. But there is closure for me, I'll never again trust him and I'm trying to put him out of my life and back where he belongs.