Should you stop romancing your GF/Wife if she denies you of Intimacy?

[Trialbyfire]

Discontent with the sexuality of a relationship can create separation. It enhances the possibility of creating an emotional break or someone having an affair. Sexuality considered within the whole relationship, together with physical and emotional well being.

This is where I strongly disagree. An affair is a conscious choice by the cheater and is completely owned by the cheater.

 

People have affairs for all kinds of reasons, primarily because they lack the strength of willpower to resist something new. It's the lazy/weak or damaged man/woman's excuse of getting whatever they lack in needs met, instead of working on either the relationship or more importantly, themselves internally.

[cranium]

This is where I strongly disagree. An affair is a conscious choice by the cheater and is completely owned by the cheater.

 

People have affairs for all kinds of reasons, primarily because they lack the strength of willpower to resist something new. It's the lazy weak or damaged man/woman's excuse of getting whatever they lack in needs met, instead of working on either the relationship or more importantly, themselves internally.

 

I agree that an affair is a "choice" and people “choose” to have affairs for all kinds of “reasons”. Primarily because whatever their personal "reason(s)" is/are. That doesn’t make them damaged. I don’t believe contentment with the sexuality of the relationship enhances the possibility of one partner “choosing” to have an affair.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree that an affair is a "choice" and people “choose” to have affairs for all kinds of “reasons”. Primarily because whatever their personal "reason(s)" is/are. That doesn’t make them damaged. I don’t believe contentment with the sexuality of the relationship enhances the possibility of one partner “choosing” to have an affair.

Note the word "or" in my post? Your 4th sentence doesn't make sense. If you get sex from your partner, does it enhance the possibility that you will jump off a bridge or want kinky sex?

[cranium]

Note the word "or" in my post? Your 4th sentence doesn't make sense. If you get sex from your partner, does it enhance the possibility that you will jump off a bridge or want kinky sex?

 

It doesn't make them lazy or weak, either.

 

Intimacy, desire, need and physical attraction are all elements of healthy love and interaction with your partner. If you separate the elements, the results will not be satisfactory.

 

I didn't say get sex from your partner. Getting sex is not the same thing as sexuality. I'm talking in terms of initimacy as you did earlier; how people express themselves as sexual beings; physiological, psychological aspects of sexual behaviour.

 

You strongly disagreed that discontent with the sexuality of a relationship could cause separation and increase the likelihood of someone having an affair. Or were you disagreeing because I didn't say someone "choosing" to have an affair?

[Trialbyfire]

It doesn't make them lazy or weak, either.

True, except for the weak part, the other options are selfish and cowardly...

 

I didn't say get sex from your partner. Getting sex is not the same thing as sexuality. I'm talking in terms of initimacy as you did earlier; how people express themselves as sexual beings; physiological, psychological aspects of sexual behaviour.

 

You strongly disagreed that discontent with the sexuality of a relationship could cause separation and increase the likelihood of someone having an affair. Or were you disagreeing because I didn't say someone "choosing" to have an affair?

You make it sound like affairs are caused by the lack of sexuality or sex in a relationship. I disagree from two perspectives. It's not always about the lack of sex or sexuality. I know that for fact from personal experience with a cheating spouse. There are other reasons why people cheat. Many/most of these reasons are due to what's lacking inside of them. No partner is solely responsible for meeting all of the other person's needs, particularly if those needs are deviant. An affair appeals to the darker side of people, the excitement of a secret kept in a dank, dark place. The need for reinforcement of a weak ego or self-esteem. The need to passive-aggressively get back at their spouses. All kinds of complex reasons. Sex in itself is a pretty insignificant reason compared to the rest of the sickness.

[annabelle75]

True, except for the weak part, the other options are selfish and cowardly...

 

 

You make it sound like affairs are caused by the lack of sexuality or sex in a relationship. I disagree from two perspectives. It's not always about the lack of sex or sexuality. I know that for fact from personal experience with a cheating spouse. There are other reasons why people cheat. Many/most of these reasons are due to what's lacking inside of them. No partner is solely responsible for meeting all of the other person's needs, particularly if those needs are deviant. An affair appeals to the darker side of people, the excitement of a secret kept in a dank, dark place. The need for reinforcement of a weak ego or self-esteem. The need to passive-aggressively get back at their spouses. All kinds of complex reasons. Sex in itself is a pretty insignificant reason compared to the rest of the sickness.

 

.... or one partner is just not getting enough sex and choses to have an affair. You're getting yourself so wound up in the fact that some one said "affair" that you have lost sight of the intent of this thread.

 

And, yes...if some one is not getting as much sex as they want in a relationship it some times leads to cheating. Its a pretty basic concept.