Unusual situation

[soulmate]

I am really hoping someone here can help me. I have known "Darrin" for his entire life (he is about 5 years younger than me). We only would see each other once or twice a year but would really bond and loved spending time together. We also are cousins. A few months ago I decided to move to the city he lives in because of job opportunities. I have lots of cousins who live in this area and I thought it was a great place for me to start over. Well, it is working out except for the fact that I've fallen in love with Darrin.

I was very upset when I realized my feelings for Darrin were changing. I realized that when I told him I loved him it wasn't just as a cousin. I also felt physically attracted to him. He definitely is my type and I tried to just pooh pooh away my feelings. But they got stronger. So, I decided I needed to just find out if he was feeling differently towards me. I wasn't going to see him for a few weeks so I wrote him a letter. The letter told him how much I loved being able to spend more time with him and how much I really enjoyed him as a person. I went on to tell him about my changing feelings and how conflicted I felt about it all. I figured he would either tell me he felt the same way (which is what I thought) or that he wasn't interested. He is very honest and upfront so I was sure he would only tell me the truth.

When we finally did see each other again he told me that he didn't want a relationship with me other than the cousin one. It broke my heart but I was ready to accept it. But by the end of that night (in which we were drinking quite a bit) he told me that he was willing to have sex with me but it couldn't lead to anything. I was shocked but in my drunken state agreed. We didn't sleep together but did get intimate.

He apologized the next day and told me that it was a mistake. So, I am trying to forget about him and stop wishing and wondering how it would be to be with him. We have seen each other a few times since and I've tried to stay away from him to give him space and to avoid letting him see how heartbroken I still am. My question for all of you is how do I get over him? I feel in my heart that we are meant to be together and I'm willing to face all the flack from our families just to be with him. But I also know that if his feelings had changed he would have called me by now. How do I handle things when I see him next? I can't get him off my mind and I can't get my heart to stop breaking. I'd appreciate any advice at all. Thanks...

Soulmate