should i bother

[confused40]

Over the last few months I have been increasingly hanging out with a woman from work. Whether it is watchng movies or just talking, we have a great time. Recently though, things all of a sudden changed. To the chagrin of just about everyone that knows her, she has begun seeing her ex again. (She had broken up with him roughly 8-9 months ago after 2 years together - which she claimed was really 1 year and 1 of growing apart). Now what gets to me is that during any conversation we had, when this ex had come up, she had nothing but spite for his behavior. And since they had broken up, this guy would essentially stalk her, from sending her text messages, to calling her up at night, to even driving by her house constantly and texting if he had someone there.

 

Now she has decieded to try to work things out for a second time with this guy. She tried to for a month after they had broken up the first time, and it didnt work so now I guess is third time a charm or what? What really got to me was when she started talking with him to work things out, (about a week ago) she essentially stopped talking to me abruptly and wouldn't even talk to me much while we were at work, and if she did, she was short with me. After I had found out that she was starting to see this guy again, he attitude all of a sudden changed like she didnt have to worry about hiding it since I knew now when I finally pointly asked her about it after hearing about what was going on from another co-worker.

When I began talking to her, I asked if they were an item again, and she just said, that they were dating, but she would have to take a lot of time to even consider him a boyfriend and that she wanted to take it slow. I asked her why she is essentially dating her stalker and she talked of how she had dated a handful of guys and they all were terrible and at least this guy pays attention to her (kind of the lesser of all evils). She says she still doesnt know if she wants to even be with him so I dont know what has clicked inside her head, but it seems like she had a bout of being lonely and all of a sudden sought the attention of this guy again.

 

Now for me, this hurts a lot. I did develop some feeling toward her with all the time being spent together. The way we acted together, people were always asking whether or not we in fact were an item, but it was never so yet. Sadly, I had made plains to take her out on a date this weekend before all this occured last weekend. The one hangup I do believe is that age may be a concern for her, she is 10 years or so older than me, but to me, age is nothing but a number, but for her, its probably entirely different. When I did talk to her, I did tell her that I loved and cared about her and didnt want her making another I told you so decision with this guy and she stated thats why she wants to take it extremely slow with him. She then told me that we needed to hang out and have a talk next week so I am kinda confused at this point.

 

So do I bother even trying to talk it out with this woman or what. In my heart I do believe that if she was seeing another guy that made her happy, I would be happy for her, but its like a knife in me that this ex has come back into the picture. She is getting close to 40 and I guess she feels that she needs someone, so me in my mid 20s probably wouldnt be a long term thing for her, but I still dont believe she should be enabling her stalker like this. Any thoughts or comments or advice for this torn soul?

[SadandConfusedWA]

>>>should i bother ??

 

No.

[VIP]

She is getting close to 40 and I guess she feels that she needs someone, so me in my mid 20s probably wouldnt be a long term thing for her

 

So why do you think she would want to take you seriously if you think it's not a long term for you?

[JCD]

Stay away from her. She has issues and you were just her feel good toy. Plus, she's too old for you and you need to date someone your own age.