Karen Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 I want some advice, and I really do not know where to go but here, I read post here and like the responces that you people are able to give, Here is my problem, I dated this guy for just a few months, he was a fast mover and it was a fast break up, problem is that he is very interested in my friend. I am jealous over this big time, her and I live together so he sees her when he comes here and spends time with her, she has expressed that she is not interested but I still get very mad and upset when he helps her do things, like fix her car and sometimes even when he talks to her. I believe my friend but I still have dought's in my mind bc she calls him and asks him to do things for her. I do not want to not trust my friend. how can I keep the trust that I have always had? I do not care if he is dating others, I have seen him on dates and I think that it is great. (just for the record) Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 I do not want to not trust my friend. how can I keep the trust that I have always had? I assume you meant that you lost trust in your friend. It is understandable why you have lost trust when she told you there is nothing going on. It was a quick breakup, but you should not be mad at a friend that might be dating him. She may not want to tell you because she thinks it is going to hurt you. The best thing for you to do is to talk to your friend about this, and how you feel about it. I would not expect anything to change just because you dated this guy. Him and her might be a match, who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 You simply have to tell your girlfriend how you feel and let her know her involvement in any kind with this guy has the effect of upsetting you. If she doesn't curtain her involvement with him, then find another friend and roommate. The only way to solve this problem is to talk to your girlfriend. That's the ONLY thing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 I am jealous over this big time, her and I live together so he sees her when he comes here and spends time with her, [color=darkblue]she has expressed that she is not interested [/color]but I still get very mad and upset when he helps her do things, like fix her car and sometimes even when he talks to her. If she's not interested, why does this guy still come around? If she is truly not interested then she should tell him to bug off and leave her alone. You really need to talk to your friend about this. If she's interested then maybe you need to set some ground rules for when he comes over to see her - at least until you are over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Karen Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 I have talked to her, my friend is also in another relationship and I know that she loves him (her b/f).That is one reason that I feel so bad about the way that I feel. they are here alot together (her and her b/f). he comes to see me but ends up visiting her. She is straight forward wiht him and does not put up with the way that he acts. I just need advice on how I can deal with my issue with this. I like being around him, he is a great guy. even though he is messed up a bit. I have never felt thisa way and it is really different for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 You're kidding yourself...and that's what you have to stop doing. You said in your first post above that he is "very interested" in your girlfriend. Just above you said he comes over to "see" you. In your wildest dreams. This guy's no fool. If he's very interested in your girlfriend, he certainly isn't coming to visit you...I promise. In the light of what you have written above, I'd say just tell him to stop coming over. What's the point in him just coming over to see you when all the while he's wanting to flirt with your girlfriend, who's not interested and who has a boyfriend. This guy is a real scumbag and you don't need him coming by to pollute the air. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he is no longer welcome at your place. There is simply no reason...that I can see...that he should be welcome there. He's not interested in you...and your girlfriend that he is REALLY coming to see is seeing someone. Now is there a reason you should want him around that I'm not seeing? In life you have to be assertive or people will walk all over you. Put your footdown and get this guy out of your life. You have nothing at all to gain by his visits except more hurt...and your roomie doesn't want to see him either, unless she's lying to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Karen Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 Last night I showed my firend/roomie this and she did not get upset nor did she freak( was really scared of that ). We have both agreed that we have ot keep him away from the house. We found out some stuff and it freaked us both out. We were at a friends place and he called there demanding that I get on the phone. I would not go to the phone (friend is aware of the situation, this friend is the one the introduced all of us ) so then he was calling my house telling my daughter that I had better call him back. by the time that i got home there were several calls placed here and at the friends. My daughter who's a teen and does not like him kept on hanging up on him. it turned out that i would not pick up my phone and talk to him. I do not know how to get rid of this guy. I would like to be his friend but after thinking last night, he was never my friend and he never thought the same of me, he used me to get close to my friend and that was all. I really do not want to stop going to the places that we all go to because he is there. I do not want to have to keep the internet on all day just to screen the calls that i am getting. I have tried in the past to let him know that I could not be his friend( after we broke up ) but it is not like he even hears me then honestly i just give up and end up tlaking to him. how do I handle this now? Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 You sound like you've very confused about how you feel about him. One moment you are jealous because he's interested in your friend instead of you, and the next moment you say you want to be his friend but you've stopped talking to him.....if you really want this guy out of your life, get him out of your head and heart too. Meaning, don't say one thing and do another. If you want him gone, and feel that he's giving you the creeps, let him go completely. Leave him alone completely. You can't be friends with someone that you do not trust, or someone you feel is using you. I have one question, did this guy break up with you or did you break up with him? Because if you broke up with him, it may be a case where he's trying to hurt you by showing interest in your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Karen Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 He broke up with me, that was my point, I do care about him, and yes I am upset at the attraction, but as i know I can not be friends with him even if i wanted to be. He is unhealthy and I am feeling I am getting unhealthy. Confused, ya I have been cuz when I try and tell him that I can not have anythign to do with him I say it but I hurt because of the feelings I have, I kinnda took the coward way out today and just hung up on him when he called me then i kept the internet on so he could not call through and i get weak, I also told him how I felt on his answering machine. I know what I have to do, I know how I feel about this situation and I know what I have to say. He does not listen to what I have to say and that is why I did it on the machine today. I still see good things in this person but I see disaster in the end. My feelings are very mixed up. You are 100% right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts